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    #1

    Proposal misunderstanding(?)

    Before I talk about the main issue: in this period I think a lot about engagement, stop at spouse shops and stuff like that. I always did, but more in this period. I also have this fantasy on my mind of him proposing to me while on our December dinner we'll have as a gift from my sister (those smartbox stuff). Im crazy I know it people.

    So, this happened few days ago and I still feel so stupid but doubtfully about it:

    Me and my SO were arguing over Whatsapp (yeah, what a crap) and he said "I dont like to be in this mood, let's talk about something sweet" I replied "I have something sweet actually" and sent him a picture of a beautiful engagement ring. This wasnt something surprising for him since he knows I always thought about marriage and even when we go out I stop to jewerly shop windows and show him the rings I like. But we always took it lightly.

    He replied that he doesnt like those kinds of rings and sent me pictures of ones he likes. After a while, he wrote "You always liked my gifts, so I hope you'll like what I'll give you in the future" At first I didnt understand, so I just sent a "?" and he replied "I mean, you always liked my gift for you so I hope you will like what I ll give you in the future, like gifts, presents, proposal.." And added "...." .
    I was surprised and with a big smile on my face, lol. I told him I was captured by that word and, laughing, he told me Im dreamy but he meant "proposal to do this and that, to go on vacation etc. I didnt find a better word to say it". ..the smile on my face went away and I felt stupid.

    Yesterday I was talking about it with my best friend and he told me IMHO I think that when guys realize they just fucked themselves up, they deny and try to make up something.

    I think she's in part right but I know that sometimes he has issues with english and uses a word for another. Even if this was the right word but.. Man, we just talked about rings and you write to me "Proposal" with lots of dots?! Cmon.

    Plus the fact that in this period he thinks a lot about having a family, the fact that he also wants to marry, the fact that he told me few times he sees a future with me.. I dont know, Im really feeling foolishly confused.
    Last edited by Cristiana; December 7, 2014, 12:14 PM.
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    #2
    He could have meant it either way... If he did mean a marriage proposal, he could have just been implying years down the road. You've only been dating for 6 months and you're 18, there's no rush!


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      #3
      Originally posted by Kristin91 View Post
      He could have meant it either way... If he did mean a marriage proposal, he could have just been implying years down the road. You've only been dating for 6 months and you're 18, there's no rush!
      In fact he said "in a future".. I wasnt thinking of it happening now lol.
      And even if he was talking about a future, it still would surprise me and make me feel excited since we never talked about it, not even about it happening in a bit of years. And damn Id really want to.

      Comment

        #4
        Originally posted by Kristin91 View Post
        He could have meant it either way... If he did mean a marriage proposal, he could have just been implying years down the road. You've only been dating for 6 months and you're 18, there's no rush!

        THIS ^^^^^^Daydreaming is nice, but don't confuse it with reality. Stay grounded
        Met Online : July 2013
        Met in person : April - May 2014 (3 wks)
        2nd visit : June - August 2014 (2 months)
        3rd visit : December - Jan (2wks)
        Proposal : December 2014
        Closed distance : February 2015
        Married : April 5, 2015


        Comment

          #5
          I wouldn't worry too much about it. Guys are stupid and don't put two-and-two together sometimes and just say things.

          Comment

            #6
            Joking or not, you guys talk way too much about your common future in a too serious way. If it is not about marriage, then about immigration to the US, and other dreams/plans you have that is about the far future but you both kind of act like it is important to have those talks now. Like Alanis Morisette says: How about enjoying the moment for once?
            I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
            - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



            "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

            Comment

              #7
              Originally posted by differentcountries View Post
              Joking or not, you guys talk way too much about your common future in a too serious way. If it is not about marriage, then about immigration to the US, and other dreams/plans you have that is about the far future but you both kind of act like it is important to have those talks now. Like Alanis Morisette says: How about enjoying the moment for once?
              They might be talking too much about their future for your liking, but that is not for you to judge. It is important to be informed and the sooner they get on the same page, the fewer problems they might face in their future.

              Relationship began: 05/22/2012
              First Met: 03/21/2013 - 03/30/2013
              Second Visit: 06/06/2013 - 08/21/2013 ~ Proposal: 07/06/2013 ♥
              Third Visit: 10/09/2013 - 01/08/2013
              Closed the distance: 11/20/2014 ♥
              Married: 1/24/2015
              Became Resident: 9/14/2015

              Comment

                #8
                Originally posted by snow View Post
                They might be talking too much about their future for your liking, but that is not for you to judge. It is important to be informed and the sooner they get on the same page, the fewer problems they might face in their future.
                I am not against people talking about the future, as in informing about preferences, finding compromises and making plans. I am all for that. Flirting through looking at wedding bands may on the other hand be not so wise since she started to think he actually meant it as a proposal.
                I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
                - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



                "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

                Comment

                  #9
                  Originally posted by differentcountries View Post
                  I am not against people talking about the future, as in informing about preferences, finding compromises and making plans. I am all for that. Flirting through looking at wedding bands may on the other hand be not so wise since she started to think he actually meant it as a proposal.
                  I can see what DC is saying. Kind of like they bring it up so much neither of them can tell who's being serious and who's just joking. I still stand by what I said, and don't take it so seriously. If he is serious, awesome, if not, at least you won't get your hopes up.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    I agree with Snow. In an LDR it's important to get on the same page early and avoid the disappointments and arguments later on. I mean imagine you become invested in a relationship and 5 years later you both realize neither of you is willing to move to the other. You've jest wasted your time on a LDR that will never end. And unless you are the type of person who has no issue with a continuous LDR that's going to be heartbreaking for you.

                    As for the engagement thing, joking around with pics is fine. I've done it before. It's pretty harmless, until someone exits that fantasy world. At 6 months...I wouldn't think any mention of proposals is serious. It's way too early for that sorta thing. Be it I was guilty of reading into signs that weren't there six months into my current relationship. Let it be known that he did in fact give me a ring! But not the engagement sort! Lol! So I was partially wrong about my Christmas present that year.


                    So yea messing around with ring photos and stuff is fine, just don't get too Hong up on it yet. Just have fun with ur man. It'll happen when it happens.
                    "You want for myself
                    You get me like no one else
                    I am beautiful with you

                    I am beautiful with you
                    Even in the darkest part of me
                    I am beautiful with you
                    Make it feel the way it's supposed to be
                    You're here with me
                    Just show me this and I'll believe
                    I am beautiful with you"

                    -Halestorm

                    Comment

                      #11
                      I think I've missed something, but weren't you guys like on the verge of a break up a month or so ago...and now thinking about proposals....

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Originally posted by Cristiana View Post
                        He replied that he doesnt like those kinds of rings and sent me pictures of ones he likes. After a while, he wrote "You always liked my gifts, so I hope you'll like what I'll give you in the future" At first I didnt understand, so I just sent a "?" and he replied "I mean, you always liked my gift for you so I hope you will like what I ll give you in the future, like gifts, presents, proposal.." And added "...." .
                        I was surprised and with a big smile on my face, lol. I told him I was captured by that word and, laughing, he told me Im dreamy but he meant "proposal to do this and that, to go on vacation etc. I didnt find a better word to say it". ..the smile on my face went away and I felt stupid.

                        Yesterday I was talking about it with my best friend and he told me IMHO I think that when guys realize they just fucked themselves up, they deny and try to make up something.

                        I think she's in part right but I know that sometimes he has issues with english and uses a word for another. Even if this was the right word but.. Man, we just talked about rings and you write to me "Proposal" with lots of dots?! Cmon.

                        Plus the fact that in this period he thinks a lot about having a family, the fact that he also wants to marry, the fact that he told me few times he sees a future with me.. I dont know, Im really feeling foolishly confused.
                        If you still feel so insecure about minor misunderstandings like that that you feel the need to ask the internet about it, you might not be ready for marriage yet.
                        first met in 2008 -- started talking online again in 2011 -- decided to go on a date in 2012 -- actually started dating on our first visit in August 2013 --
                        second visit in February 2014 -- third visit in June 2014 -- fourth visit in September 2014

                        Comment

                          #13
                          To be honest, this seems like a tease. He was showing her an engagement ring and dropped the word proposal and then made it into something else. It's being a tease and fun.

                          Relationship began: 05/22/2012
                          First Met: 03/21/2013 - 03/30/2013
                          Second Visit: 06/06/2013 - 08/21/2013 ~ Proposal: 07/06/2013 ♥
                          Third Visit: 10/09/2013 - 01/08/2013
                          Closed the distance: 11/20/2014 ♥
                          Married: 1/24/2015
                          Became Resident: 9/14/2015

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Originally posted by Ahava View Post
                            I think I've missed something, but weren't you guys like on the verge of a break up a month or so ago...and now thinking about proposals....
                            I thought we were about to break up but it was just a hard moment. We argued a lot and became a bit colder in that period but we're fine now.

                            And anyway Im not thinking about a proposal in a serious way for NOW, it'd be crazy. Is just that I think about a possible marriage and my mind is sometimes set on these things and the word "proposal" after talking about rings confused me a bit.

                            I know I might think a little too forwars sometimes but this is me. I often think about the future, I have fantasies and make little plans, and I like to share all of this with my SO. I enjoy the moment when I like what I have in the moment, like when I am with him - we dont talk about proposal when we're together lol. But when Im on my own I usually and often think about my future. That's just me.

                            And no, I didnt think it actually was a proposal, but the fact that he popped out that word was surprising to me, since he never talked about this stuff.
                            Last edited by Cristiana; December 8, 2014, 03:02 PM.

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Well, what can I say... Good things come to those who wait, I suppose!! I know that my hubby had gfs in the past that wanted to get married in like 2 weeks.. Everyone is always in a rush.. I think its a good idea to make sure that you are both on the same page, for now, and for later!! Blessings

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