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    #1

    Engagement/Wedding Pressure

    Hello,
    My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 4 years and were in our early 20s. We recently began a long distance relationship because I got accepted to a nursing program in Jax and he lives in Tampa. He recently graduated & got a job with the Sheriffs office down there. We have plans that after I graduate in about a year, Im going to move in with him and we will see where things go from there. We see each other approximately every other weekend. Lately, we both have been receiving comments from friends and family about engagement. Like my mom said she wanted us to get engaged so we could plan a wedding and graduation for me. Also, some of our friends have made the statement that after dating that long y'all should get married. Both of us don't plan on considering engagement until after I graduate and move to Tampa. Also, we want to be able to have our lives together personally before considering marriage together. Its not that we don't love each other, we just feel its not the right time. Its just hard to deal with these comments constantly and puts a strain on the relationship a bit. Has anyone experienced pressure from friends and family on getting engaged/married? How do you deal with it?
    Tags: engagement, ldr, pressure
    #2
    You have to ignore them and just go with how you guys feel. No matter what stage of a relationship you are in you will get pressure from the outside. You have the rest of your lives to be married. Plus, once you get married people will start pressuring you to have kids.

    Take your own pace and ignore everyone else. Do what you feel is right in your relationship. If both of you are okay with things the way they are then stay that way

    Comment

      #3
      As randomnerd said, no one should put pressure on you to get married if you don't feel ready for it. I know some couples who've been engaged for years, long term partners of their SO's who never worried about it until they felt the time was ready. Some take their time in popping the question, others wait a short while before everything falls together. Ignore the comments, it's your relationship, not theirs.

      Comment

        #4
        As randomnerd said,

        No matter what stage of a relationship you are in you will get pressure from the outside.
        Everyone feels the need to butt into other people's relationships and give their opinions, even when it's none of their business. My boyfriend and I have also been going out for 4 years, and we've been getting the "When are you getting engaged?!" question quite a bit lately. You have to be able to tell them that you're both comfortable where you are in your relationship, and you're waiting to settle down. If you're close to them, you could elaborate a bit and say "We're planning on [doing this] and seeing where things go. Maybe we'll get engaged in a year or two."

        Don't let others pressure you into feeling like you HAVE to get engaged/married right away. It's your relationship, do what you feel comfortable with. As soon as you get married they'll start asking when you're buying a house, having a baby, moving, etc. etc. There's always a next "step" that people will want your relationship to be moving towards- don't let them dictate your relationship!


        sigpic

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          #5
          There will always be people who think they know best, but really, as much as input from others can be helpful ... it really isn't when it's not needed or asked for. These people aren't going to get married, it's you two, and you do it whenever you want! You are adults who make their own decisions, and anyone who takes serious issue with that has some growing up to do. Keep doing your thing, you know what you need and want.

          ~
          It'll take a lot more than words and guns
          A whole lot more than riches and muscle
          The hands of the many must join as one
          And together we'll cross the river

          Comment

            #6
            As long as you two are on the same page, I would simply smile and ignore the comments. Even joke with each other about it. It should really be no reason to let it put strain on your relationship.

            Relationship began: 05/22/2012
            First Met: 03/21/2013 - 03/30/2013
            Second Visit: 06/06/2013 - 08/21/2013 ~ Proposal: 07/06/2013 ♥
            Third Visit: 10/09/2013 - 01/08/2013
            Closed the distance: 11/20/2014 ♥
            Married: 1/24/2015
            Became Resident: 9/14/2015

            Comment

              #7
              Some people seem to be more in love with the idea and romance of engagements/marriages as opposed to the actual consequences of those actions. I really have a problem with people, especially family, asking these kinds of questions. It adds some really unnecessary pressure of people to please others. Maybe even forcing them into a decision they're not quite ready for yet.

              I like Kristen's suggestion of "well here are our current plans. I'm planning on [fill in the blank with your ideas here]" to give them something to munch on. Maybe that would help them to see you're giving serious thought to your future and don't take the idea of marriage frivolously.
              "Sometimes you just have to let art flow over you."

              Comment

                #8
                You are young. Even if you have been together long, you have not lived an adult life long and you still have big life decitions in front of you. There are no rule of how long you have to be together to tie the knot. Don't let your parents push you into making a commitment too soon.
                I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
                - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



                "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

                Comment

                  #9
                  Do what you think is right, not what other people think is right. Trust me, you'll regret it if you listen to others and not yourself.
                  I'm the opposite in this case, being that I'm young, we dated for a year then got engaged, and people were insisting that we shouldn't get engaged or married young. However, we didn't listen and we're set to be married in 83 days. (And now those people are the ones asking when we'll have kids! Pah! )

                  Do what will make you happy and what won't make you stress. You'll dig that more than the other options.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Ugh, I'm in the same situation... Except we're both in our 30s which is when it gets exponentially worse. The other day my mum tried to bribe us into getting married by offering to pay for the honeymoon. It's both funny and annoying.

                    As everyone else said, do what feels right for you both - only your opinion matters. IMO you're definitely right to want to wait. You are both so young and have to establish yourselves before you take on that commitment. That's very reasonable and don't let comments from anyone else sway your opinion. They're not in your shoes so they don't feel like they have to think through their words very much.

                    Just smile and shrug it off, and go about your way.

                    Good luck!

                    Like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. - Steve Jobs

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Welcome to the rest of the world. Just about everyone in their late 20s, early 30s are pressured by family and friends to get married. Stick to your plans and you'll be fine.

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Eh, it's not their relationship, so their opinions are irrelevant. Besides, you'll end up getting flack for either direction you decide to go in.
                        Not engaged? What's taking so long??!?!
                        Engaged? Woah slow down!! You're so young!!

                        You can't win, so tune everyone out and do what the two of you feel is best for your relationship. You just want to be sure that whatever you two do, you're doing it because YOU want to--not because outside pressure is forcing you into it. Getting engaged or married because of outside pressure can absolutely destroy a relationship.

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