How should I make my parents accept my quick marriage decision?

[OreNoChikara]

My boyfriend left after spending 6 beautful days together yesterday. My family fell in love with him and they all miss him very much. They already got used to him being my boyfriend, even though the distance is a KILLER.

The thing is - me and my SO already want to belong to each other. I want his surname, he wants to be mine at least on the papers. We're considering that we want to get married even though we are apart soon after I turn 18. Sure, I know. Sounds insane. Probably a very bad decision. But it's my life and we both want to do it. I know we will be able to close the distance officialy in a year, maybe a little more. But I want us to be married already.

My mum joked about it today, right after graduating I'd get married and give up on studying. (I wanted to study Japanese just so I could work as an interpreteur in Japan, but I don't feel like I have to now that I have a Japanese boyfriend and I speak Japanese, ygm? It'd be a waste of time and money I'd rather spend on my boyfriend.) After that, dad who loves my bf dearly, said: "No need to rush things."

Sure, I get them! But, even if this is a bad decision, I've been thinking about it for ever now! And never once did I feel like it'd be bad. Meeting made my feelings even stronger and same goes for him, we both want it a lot and I mean - This is my life. Also, nobody can see how I really feel, right?

How should I go about it? I want to do it. I will be able to do it without bothering my parents. ( Changing my name etc., I'll do it all myself, so they wouldn't feel bothered)

[Redheart14]

Depends on what marriage paper work is involved where you get married.

[Harlequin]

If this is something you think you really want to do, then you and your boyfriend both need to start saving money and start looking into what steps are necessary to be able to do this successfully. It's a looooot of work, and if the Japanese government has any reason to suspect that your marriage isn't legitimate, they can and will boot you from the country for visa fraud. Cover all your bases. I also really suggest that if you're serious about this, don't give yourself the year deadline. Play it by ear and do what you can.
18 is young, but it's your life and your choice. Best of luck!

[snow]

I agree with Harlequin, but I also want to mention that giving up studies to be with your SO is not a very smart choice, or is your SO wealthy and can support you two without you needing a job?

[autumn1790]

I agree with Harlequin, but I also want to mention that giving up studies to be with your SO is not a very smart choice, or is your SO wealthy and can support you two without you needing a job?

Even if he is, things can always go south and you can end up on your own needing to provide for yourself. My sister had the proverbial match made in heaven to a pastor and ended up separated, two kids, and no education with which to support herself. Hope for the best, *always* plan for the worst. Even his income/money/potential property can be gone in a flash.

[lelyta]

Even if he is, things can always go south and you can end up on your own needing to provide for yourself. My sister had the proverbial match made in heaven to a pastor and ended up separated, two kids, and no education with which to support herself. Hope for the best, *always* plan for the worst. Even his income/money/potential property can be gone in a flash.

Yes I agree with Autumn. While it can be very good if you think you've found the one... Don't make the marriage as your main project of life. Gosh, you're still 17 and will have so much in the future. I may sound bitter and sound like your parents! Lol! But believe me, your parents have dealt with life more than you can imagine. The only way you can prove your commitment to each other is just taking time and taking your relationship step by step while you're arranging your another aspect of life too, like education and which life skills you want to improve.

In another word... Listen to your parents and their opinions about your quick marriage idea... And be open for their opinion. Good luck!