Help a Guy Out....Or not? Should you or shouldn't you clue in a guy about THE Ring?

[FireflyGal]

My Best Friend is About To Get Engaged, And She Doesn't Know It, And She's in an LDR!

So, anyway, about 2 years ago, she fell in love with an engagement ring we saw on someone else. Long before she knew her beau was the one. I took note (I was her roommate). Recently, she's brought it up again. Well, I was able to find it online (the exact one). I thought long and hard before I sent her SO (also one of my best friends) an email with the link, and my offer to help. I thought he might feel like I was stepping on his toes, but it turns out he was pretty happy, because he was in the midst of making his plans and had no idea about her likes, and was about to contact me anyway.

Now, John and I have talked about it a lot, and he wants my input, because there are some choices to be made about heirloom rings and stones and other things, and he likes to make decisions together. I know he'll still get final say, and I like it that way--it's a clear cut method that let's me have a bit of input and still lets him surprise me. But I know for a lot of women and men, the whole E-ring thing is a crazy conundrum.

So, for everyone, a question (my first, on the forums):


Do guys like to go it alone on this? How do you go about cluing a guy in (yours or someone else's)? Have any good stories about it?


Oh, and PS: They've been in an LDR for a year and a half (Closing their distance again in June). I'm so happy for them both!

[nicole]

My SO definitely wanted some help, and it was a good thing, because we ended up having a MASSIVE argument about it, which we have compromised and sorted it out now. The way we did it was by me surfing the net to find pictures of the ones I liked, then he can go at his own pace to go out and get it when he's ready- so no pressure. I know I'll like whatever he gets me, but this was the only way round it, because I absolutely DID NOT want to go ring shopping with him- I want it to be some sort of surprise.

[mllebamako]

For us, our engagement was a mutual decision that we had discussed and were excited about finding engagement symbols/gifts together. Being in Africa, we went looking in the markets for jewelry, but didn't find anything we liked. We decided to pick out things online and have them sent to my parents who then brought them over for our engagement party.
We still had the proposal, he proposed to me once my ring arrived and then I proposed right back to him and gave him his necklace (why should guys have all the fun--I wanted to make a romantic speech too!)

Soooo to answer your question...my SO was MORE than clued in

[squiddie]

Guys are better at picking up hints than we give them credit for. Odds are he does know her taste and sense of style, so even if it's not *the* dream ring, it'll still be something that she'll really like. At least at the point where he's decided he wants to marry her.

Penn's looked over my shoulder when I'm perusing, or sometimes I'll show him something I think is really pretty, but I already know that at this point, only the setting matters. We've got my mom's engagement ring for a stone (I don't like the setting, and my mom is aware of that), and I suppose that will be something we do together, since we already have a ring he can use to ask.

He's also pretty darn independent, and would probably have wanted to do it on his own, but my mom offered us her ring out of the blue, and since money's been tight for the both of us, I feel like this is the best possible situation right now.

[FireflyGal]

Yeah, I totally get the money being tight thing. My friend in this situation also has a sort of heirloom diamond left to her by her grandmother, and her guy didn't quite realize how important to her it was that the stone be used in her engagement ring. He thought she would be more impressed by his buying something bigger or flashier....not so!

It is so exciting to get to be a part of it! I like to have been a part of it, even though her soon-to-be fiancee is completely free to pick something other than the things I showed him on her behalf. It was also silly--he had a completely different style in mind from what she has been swooning over for a couple of years now. He's not sure which way he'll go, but at least he knows how much her gmother's stone means to her.

Yay!

Annnd, re: above,

My guy and I have talked about it and want to do it together, too, though I also kind of like the element of surprise and have told him that after we look and discuss and shop around, the final choice is up to him. He'll also be getting something....I also agree that guys shouldn't have all the fun!

[paulawriteslove]

Me and my boyfriend arn't engaged yet (but he says one day we'll be!). But he's gotten me lots of jewelry as presents I'm so impressed how good he is at finding what I like! He'll ask me questions that don't make me wonder why he's asking them and get me something beautiful! Or if I like something I give him a hint and he picks it up! It's amazing

[Élan]

I think it's so sweet that you're helping. Things could really go wrong there! Personally, my SO and I agreed to get engaged and it wasn't any kind of big romantic surprise. Then he said he'd really like to pick the ring alone and surprise me with it the next time we saw each other. Personally, I adore rings and diamonds and wanted to make my own (with some heirloom diamonds also!). It really became a bit of an issue! I am probably the least romantic person here because I only wanted to go to the jewelry store by myself and do all the picking and ordering. So that's what I did :P

I think it's great that you showed him some style ideas that she likes. I don't know about your friend, but I was so picky about my engagement ring--I wanted it to be exactly what I had always dreamed of (not what my SO had always dreamed of :P)

[elina]

Like Élan, it looks like I'm kinda picky about my engagement ring as well I've showed Sam pictures of ones I like and we've been doing some window shopping together and I'm pretty sure he knows what type of a ring I'd like now I definitely want it to be a surprise though, I wouldn't want to go to a shop and buy an engagement ring. I'm sure I'll love what he's chosen when the time comes

I think it's nice that you're helping out a friend

[Trethsparr]

Do guys like to go it alone on this? How do you go about cluing a guy in (yours or someone else's)? Have any good stories about it?

I know this is an old thread and all, but I thought I'd give my experience with this situation. My SO had done some window shopping in jewelry stores on his own and had a few basic ideas for what he was looking for. Then, he took me along with him to see the rings (particularly the wedding band, as he wanted to get me a solitaire engagement ring) he was considering. Having me along with him gave him the assurance of receiving the "final okay" because he was pretty anxious at the thought that he could choose something I was less-than-thrilled with.

As for me, I really do feel like I had the best of both worlds. He did surprise me by showing me the ring, and he was able to feel confident that he had gotten me one I adored. Sweet deal!

[LilSusy]

Photos and showing him jewellery and rings that you like would be good ways to subtle clue him in at what kind of ring you would like.

My guy asked me what kind of rings i liked and i explained and showed him some photos and then it was "happy hunting" for him.

[Casey]

My SO and I have discussed this a few times now, and he knows (and wants me to) have a big input on the ring. Every now and then I send him a pic of one I really like. I think it would be really cool for him to propose with a diamond and then we can go out and get the setting I like. He pretty much knows what I want (its been the same for 2years) with slight alterations (i.e. now I want a more delicate, antique setting than the more chunky version I liked before) so I don't think he would have any problems picking it on his own, so I have left the decision up to him - if he wants to pick it he can, otherwise we will do it together. We even discussed having it made in Thailand cause diamond and gold prices are cheaper than Aust - plus we would get a good holiday.

[jennyblueyz]

I have a feeling my SO will ask my Mom or my best friend for advice. He knows they know me really well. He does a good job on his own picking my jewelry too, he knows my taste, but in case he asks them, I've told both what I like.