Does it really matter that much?

[Zephii]

I'm talking about marriage. I was over in the optimism thread and I noticed people putting a time limit on how long they'd wait for marriage, and now I have a lot of questions.
I remember one of Obi's friends telling me that if he doesn't propose by our third anniversary, I should leave. Which was random, coz I'd just met the guy

Marriage seems to be a very important thing to most people, especially the women folk, and I guess I don't really get why that is. So! Why is marriage so important?

Is not being married a deal breaker for you? If your SO said "I never want to marry" would you leave?

Tell me everything you think about marriage?

[Heather]

Well, I personally wouldn't break up with Jason over this. We had plans to get married previously(a date etc..) but we decided to put it off.. I've always wanted a rather long relationship before considering marriage, but it changed when I met Jason. I knew he was the one and I didn't want to wait, I accepted his proposal right away. I also wanted to a have a long engagment, I think on a daily basis how amazing it would be to finally call myself his wife and accept his last name as mine. When we call each other our full names, he replaces my last name with his, which I love btw.. but no, I would wait forever for him honestly, I don't want to rush it, it will happen when the time is right but I can't wait for it to happen!!

[Silviar]

This is kind of a complication question, so you get a complicated answer, my dear friend.

If my SO said I never want to marry you, I would have to seriously reconsider our relationship, but it doesn't necessarily mean I'd leave. It's pretty close to a dealbreaker, but it isn't exactly. Being married, to me, is important because of the spiritual significance, and if my SO doesn't feel we're close enough to be bound on a spiritual level together, I have to question, personally, why they're ok sharing money with me but not being committed in an even more important way.

I want to be married because of the spiritual commitment, because I want to make that statement to him in a handfasting ceremony, and because I want to be his wife/take his name. I want to state legally and spiritually that yes, I am his partner.

My SO, incidentally, used to not care either way, but after we started going out he said he realized that getting married to me is now important - he is also wants the spiritual bonding and along with that comes the legal statement of our union.

That being said, I don't think marriage is necessary or anything like that, but I personally want to make that statement. And it's entered into my mind how much easier immirgation is with marriage as opposed to other methods, but that's not why. The piece of paper does not a healthy and strong union make, but if you've got those, I don't see any problem getting a return on my marriage certificate by it greasing the immigration wheels.

[garnet]

If Rane had said no marriage, I wouldn't have stayed with him. It would have broken my heart, but honestly, I don't want to be 65 years old and still have a boyfriend.

We didn't get married so we could close the distance, but we couldn't have closed it without doing so.

I didn't want a child without a wedding ring on my finger.

I like sharing a last name. I like having more family. I like the promises we made in our vows. I'm proud to call him my husband, I'm glad our dating days are behind us. Sealed the deal I suppose.

[SeattleLove]

To me, marriage isn't important at all. It's some paper that makes our relationship official. Oh yay....
Well, it still is a nice thought to be bound to somebody forever, until you die...but still. It's not really necessary. I could easily live without (if there wouldn't be the fact that we need to be married in order to get me a visa to live with him). Therefore, we sorta have to get married. Not that I would mind that, I love the thought of being with my SO till the end of our days, but I don't really need a paper to prove that.....
So you can tell, I wouldn't mind if my SO decided that he doesn't want to get married at all, it only would make moving together almost impossible, that's why he would never say it....

[noodle]

Good question.
I have to say I dont know really what to answer ^^
Marriage is very important to me and I wanna get married before my 30s but why? I cant say really lol
Probably its just a thing of "he is M I N E!" haha
I dont know, I really dont.

[MissShortie]

This sort of reminds me of the couple in He's Just Not That Into You (Jennifer Aniston and Ben Affleck couple) he doesn't want to get married looks at it like "we are happy why do we need a peice of paper to say we are married?" and she wants to be married. Would you wait 7 years to get married?

I would love to get married, but I feel that I'm level headed about this sort of thing (or I like to think I am) I'm not going to rush into marriage or put a time limit on when I have to get married, in my opinon that's kind of crazy. I have a friend who at the age of 17 said she wants to be married by 24, I look at that and see that now she is almost 21 hasn't been in a real relationship and if she still wants to be married by 24 she is going to rush it with the frist person who comes along, why? because she put a limit on herself. crazy.

For me tho I do want to be married (but like I said I'm not rushing anything) because I want that guy's last name, I want to have kids but not before marriage, I want to have a house with him also not before I'm married, I want him to really be my family not only in my heart but by law too :P

[MissShortie]

If Rane had said no marriage, I wouldn't have stayed with him. It would have broken my heart, but honestly, I don't want to be 65 years old and still have a boyfriend.

We didn't get married so we could close the distance, but we couldn't have closed it without doing so.

I didn't want a child without a wedding ring on my finger.

I like sharing a last name. I like having more family. I like the promises we made in our vows. I'm proud to call him my husband, I'm glad our dating days are behind us. Sealed the deal I suppose.

This is how I feel about it all

[Silviar]

If Rane had said no marriage, I wouldn't have stayed with him. It would have broken my heart, but honestly, I don't want to be 65 years old and still have a boyfriend.

We didn't get married so we could close the distance, but we couldn't have closed it without doing so.

I didn't want a child without a wedding ring on my finger.

I like sharing a last name. I like having more family. I like the promises we made in our vows. I'm proud to call him my husband, I'm glad our dating days are behind us. Sealed the deal I suppose.

This x 1000

[sabby64]

Marriage is important to me, but I don't think I'd leave if Brandon ever said he didn't want to get married. He does though, and that makes me happy I don't want kids without being married, or if by chance I got pregnant, I would kind of want Brandon to propose... I haven't ever had a nice normal family, because mine has been filled with so much drama, and I want my future family to be happy Brandon says he wants to give me the most perfect family ever.

Every once in awhile he jokes about it though. When I was in Edmonton and we were waiting in the lobby by the fire for my mom to finish booking a hotel, he got down on one knee, took my hand, looked me in the eye and said "...You're awesome." And then ran away laughing his head off XD

[Zephii]

It's great to hear everyone's opinions on this subject

[squiddie]

Is not being married a deal breaker for you? If your SO said "I never want to marry" would you leave?

Tell me everything you think about marriage?

For me, a lot of the whole "getting married" stuff centers around social stuff. Like being able to be on each other's health insurance in case the worst happens, being legally able to visit him in the hospital, a bunch of other legal crap. There's also a legal obligation to each other.

Because frankly, aside from the part where we live 2100 miles apart, we are each other's family.

I don't know if I'd leave if Penn said he never wanted to marry...our relationship is probably just as solid as those of our parents. So it's a signature on a piece of paper. It's not like I'll miss out on a wedding or something...that's not what I want.

I don't see why there needs to be deadlines for these things. One of my good friends is like, halfway to insanity at this point because she and her SO have been together two and a half years, and he never wants to talk about getting married. If it happens, it will happen. If it doesn't...I guess you have to decide what's important.

It's a social more, but one I'd like to be a part of. However, Penn not wanting it isn't worth leaving him over.

I don't think my answer made any sense. I know I'd like to get married, and I know Penn wants to as well, so this really isn't an issue for us...but I think if neither of us cared, then where's the problem?

[sam]

Well I certainly wouldnt leave
I'm not as into the whole marriage thing either really.. If we love each other, why do we need a metal band on our finger to prove it? Who are we proving it to?
If I flip it round and if it was me who said I dont wanna marry, I think she'd be pretty upset. I think she loves me too much to leave, and I love her too much to not do it, for her. It's not a big deal, so if that's what she wants, I can do it


We might also need it, to close the distance anyway I wouldnt marry her for that sole reason, but if it helped then I dont really see why not. I love her and wanna spend my life with her so yeah..

[Trethsparr]

If Rane had said no marriage, I wouldn't have stayed with him. It would have broken my heart, but honestly, I don't want to be 65 years old and still have a boyfriend.

We didn't get married so we could close the distance, but we couldn't have closed it without doing so.

I didn't want a child without a wedding ring on my finger.

I like sharing a last name. I like having more family. I like the promises we made in our vows. I'm proud to call him my husband, I'm glad our dating days are behind us. Sealed the deal I suppose.

Yep, gotta agree with this^ too. And as Silviar stated, I want the spiritual bond that comes with marriage and the security of a legal commitment.

Also, I really want to have sex. Can't forget that. :P

[Stubborn Hope]

Personally, marriage in itself is not a big deal to me... I'd be perfectly happy living the rest of my life with my partner without being married. I don't want children, and I'm not religious. What's important to me is being together.

However... He's in the military. I could move from city to city, following him around, hoping we could find a place to live off base... But that could be extremely hard, and a huge risk on my part. Not to mention that it'd be insanely difficult to have my own career. Getting married is honestly the smartest choice for us, financially and logistically. The military has really good benefits for its members and their families. It even has services to help spouses get jobs. Additionally, our famlies would never accept us as a couple unless we were married. They might even stop speaking to us altogether.


That isn't to say I wouldn't appreciate the benefits of being married... The legal aspects of it, being able to call him my husband, the wedding... Marriage has its appeal, I just don't need it to stay in a relationship.