Too soon?

[regalia13]

How soon would you consider too soon to get married? My SO is in the Navy and I'm in college. I want to wait 2-4 years, but he may be deployed in a year's time, or as long as 3 years from now. I would love to marry him before he's deployed and he'd marry me tomorrow if he could, but is a year from not too soon? We'll have been together almost two years. I just wanted some general opinions. Thanks!

[Silviar]

I don't think you should base it on time, but rather relationship factors. Things like the following are important milestones:

1) Are you past the puppy love/honeymoon phase where you think they're perfect and have no faults?
2) Have you talked in depth about the important topics: Money, religion, kids, and so on... here's a basic list that's a good starting point.
3) Have you identified what is important that your partner have as part of his make-up, and can you honestly say you have those things in your relationship? For example: family is very important to me. I may not always get along, and I may disagree on many things with my family, but we're still close and love each other. It's important to me that my SO have a good relationship with his family and that he understands the value and meaning of those ties. Another example is that I expect my SO understand my need for lots of quality time in our relationship, as well as being a partner who helps around the house.

I also think, given the fact that you're in a military relationship that you examine why it's so important to you that you marry before he deploys - why is that marker such an important part of your timeframe? Marriage is a big deal, not easily undone, and I don't think deployment should push it faster than what you're ready. If you're ready of course, that's a moot point, but the way it was phrased made me wonder if perhaps you want to get married before deployment for the sake of getting married for that reason... I hope that makes sense, sorry. XD

If you really wanted to, you could get married tomorrow. Assuming you're in the same town of course - all it takes is a courthouse.

[JoMarie]

my so is in the navy also. From our experience with friends of ours, its a HORRIBLE idea to get married before your SO is deployed. The basic fact is this, a military LDR can quite possibly be one of the hardest. ONCE he is on the boat your main communication is going to be through ONE email a day. They can call randomly, but it's nothing I would suggest you depend on. They will be on the boat for at LEAST 7 months straights, but it's never more than a year (from what I understand, but I'm assuming things can happen and it could be more.) The three years sea duty will still bring your SO to wherever he is stationed a few times, so I would at least wait until after he gets off the boat. And then consider going through that more, and what the poster above has said. It's a stupid thing to rush, especially if you plan to be there when he is off the boat, and through other deployments. That is just my opinion though, and I'm hormonal so please, if that sounded rude it wasn't intended to be!

[regalia13]

I believe family is very important too, however, I was not raised in a great situation and neither was he. We'd both prefer to just start our own family and do it right. Some people see this as an issue, but I think it might have to be the best option.

[MissShortie]

I really agree with Silviar, that don't look at time... base it off of everything else Silviar mentioned.

My parents met in late April and were married in the middle of August and have been happily married for 23 years? maybe it was 22 years? nah I think 23 lol
They didn't base it on time as you can tell, and it wasn't because my mom was pregnant or anything like that, they waited to have kids 2 years... wait almost 3 years? (I'll be 21 in April) oooh I hate numbers lol

[LostInLove]

I agree that you shouldn't rush it just because he's being deployed. I think marriage is only right when BOTH of you are 100% ready, and there's no doubts. Time is just a number, it's right for different people at different times. But I think if you're questioning it, you need to wait.

[regalia13]

My parents met in late April and were married in the middle of August and have been happily married for 23 years? maybe it was 22 years? nah I think 23 lol
They didn't base it on time as you can tell, and it wasn't because my mom was pregnant or anything like that, they waited to have kids 2 years... wait almost 3 years? (I'll be 21 in April) oooh I hate numbers lol

This is a fantastic story. I'm glad everything worked for them. ^_^

[MissShortie]

This is a fantastic story. I'm glad everything worked for them. ^_^

Thanks! I really do believe they belong together, like I know probably everyone thinks that about their parents but to have only known each other for that short time (my mom said most of that time was spent planning the wedding) and still be happy with each other is amazing to me

[Silviar]

Thanks! I really do believe they belong together, like I know probably everyone thinks that about their parents but to have only known each other for that short time (my mom said most of that time was spent planning the wedding) and still be happy with each other is amazing to me

I love this. This is a perfect example of why time is a bad indicator - the relationship's evolution says it all.

[Mizpah]

Time is irrelevant, actually. It's more important that you know the person, have overcome obstacles together, have seen each others' best and worst, are good friends first and foremost, and care about each other as much as you love each other. Aaron and I knew we wanted to be married in the Summer of 2010 after just two months into our LDR. We ended the distance a month after that, in January. March 29, 2010 (five months into dating, two months into living together, and less than six months of knowing each other) he proposed officially and we got married August 7th. When it's right, it's right. I won't say it's been easy--we've faced many obstacles (as stated in my frustrated LFAD Alumni post), and are facing some new ones, but we face them together and have thus far overcome each and every one.