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What problems do couples typically encounter during engagement?

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    What problems do couples typically encounter during engagement?

    So, I'm sure everyone has their fair share of problems they encountered! Thought it would be good for everyone to share them here, so others can be prepared lol!


    Well this will be our situation:
    *Engaged at 21 and 22
    *Planning a wedding in a different town to where we live, but in the town where all of our friends and family live (figured it's easier for 2 to travel rather than ~80-100)
    *2 year engagement period (as it will take time, money & travel to organise a wedding so far away)
    *Married at 23 and 24

    Things I can envison
    1. Spending a lot of money on travel to visit hometown to visit locations and vendors
    2. Who will I go dress shopping with
    3. Engagement too long? I think we have a pretty good reason but...
    4. People thinking we are too young.

    #2
    I don't think two years is too long or that you're too young, but that's just me.

    So far we havn't hit many problems, the ones we have are minor bumps. Things we've encountered include things like family members not wanting to travel for the wedding, and not realising that someone's family is going to have to travel and they are not so special it can't be them.
    Pressure on where to have the wedding, the type of wedding, who to invite etc.
    Bridesmaids being from all over the place. I have a bride's maid from QLD, A bridesmaid and a bridesman from NSW, a bridesmaid from America (who is thankfully moving to NSW, but a different part.) and a Bridesmaid from BC. I'm in BC until four months before the wedding. It makes it challenging to delegate responsibility.
    Planning a wedding in a different country.
    Planning a wedding in a city I have limited experience with.
    We're also thinking of how much it will cost, and where we're going to find that money in a year.
    Oh - jealousy. That's been a big problem for me. I have two people very close to me who struggle with this a bit, so while they want to be included, they make it difficult for me to include them. Sometimes I feel guilty for being given this chance at happiness, and that's not really a good thing.
    And the biggest one seems to be not knowing a damn thing about weddings. I have so much catching up to do lol.
    Happily married to the little Canadian boy I never thought I'd meet in person

    Comment


      #3
      From my end... the current problems that I've come across are these:

      1. Opinions - Everybody has them, even the people you wouldn't expect. Everybody would like to tell you what your wedding colors should be/which dress you should pick/who you should invite/put in your party/cater with. This includes your family, his family, and every friend you begin to let into your inner circle. My advice? Your day is about you and him. Be flexible on issues that don't matter, but stand your ground if they're dear to your heart. (Oh, and it's best if you keep the amount of people you bring with you wedding dress shopping to a minimum, particularly if you care about their opinions. They will most likely NEVER all agree at the same time.)

      2. Money - If you have time to plan, do it all in the off-season, as prices will come way down. As well, try shopping for certain items online or for generic things NOT AT WEDDING SHOPS. Just the fact that the word "wedding" is attached to it will drive up the price, I've found. Be patient enough to work with people who will accommodate you the most and not try to shake you upside down for the loose change out of your pockets.

      3. Some friendships fade - You and he may find that out as you move onto this next step, but marriage can forever change the friendships you (and he) have with the opposite sex. Perhaps this has happened to you already. But it's an element I wasn't expecting before that has suddenly come into play. You may be the exception rather than the rule, but from my understanding, it can be pretty common and a natural transition that takes place. Sad, but life.
      My heart belongs to a pilot!
      ~*~
      ~*~
      [/center]

      Comment


        #4
        1. I think the biggest problem we've had is just the stress of working on a fiance visa, but that's not really "due" to the engagement.

        2. Trying to figure out what type of wedding you want and not wanting to disappoint people. I started out wanting to have a small wedding with just immediate family. Then I got into looking at wedding websites, watching wedding shows, etc and talking to family members, and I then wanted a big wedding so everyone could meet him. And now I've changed my mind back to small

        3. People thinking we got engaged too quickly, although we (actually only me, because it's a normal time period in his culture) only dealt with some crap about that in the very beginning of the engagement. Now it's accepted and people are keeping commentary to themselves.

        Comment


          #5
          I second the friendships changing thing, but not necessarily losing friends of the opposite sex. I find that friendships with other seriously committed couples become easier to maintain and more fullfiling than friendships with people who are at a different stage in their life. Same thing happens when you have kids really.
          Happily married to the little Canadian boy I never thought I'd meet in person

          Comment


            #6
            Originally posted by Zephii View Post
            A bridesmaid and a bridesman from NSW
            I'm VERY curious as to how this works, because I have a male best friend. Does he wear a suit with a cumberbun thing the same color as the ladies' dresses?

            Comment


              #7
              The biggest issue for us is that we want to do it back home so I am not even going to start planning until we get home...
              Then Money Issues
              We both have been married before so I don't know what kind of wedding to have. I dont want a tradional church wedding but at the same time I still want something special .... I have no idea...
              I am also concerned with that fact that all of his brothers and sister are all engaged and have been for yrs. it's like they get to that point but never actually make the real commitment and I don't want that to happen to us... I just have this feeling that he to is like them and that is as far as he intended it to go...

              Comment


                #8
                Originally posted by heatherotic View Post
                I'm VERY curious as to how this works, because I have a male best friend. Does he wear a suit with a cumberbun thing the same color as the ladies' dresses?
                Pretty much. All my ladies are in white tea length dresses with red jewelry, so he'll be in a white suit with a red tie
                Happily married to the little Canadian boy I never thought I'd meet in person

                Comment


                  #9
                  Awww, that sounds gorgeous!

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Originally posted by Trethsparr View Post
                    From my end... the current problems that I've come across are these:

                    1. Opinions - Everybody has them, even the people you wouldn't expect. Everybody would like to tell you what your wedding colors should be/which dress you should pick/who you should invite/put in your party/cater with. This includes your family, his family, and every friend you begin to let into your inner circle. My advice? Your day is about you and him. Be flexible on issues that don't matter, but stand your ground if they're dear to your heart. (Oh, and it's best if you keep the amount of people you bring with you wedding dress shopping to a minimum, particularly if you care about their opinions. They will most likely NEVER all agree at the same time.)

                    2. Money - If you have time to plan, do it all in the off-season, as prices will come way down. As well, try shopping for certain items online or for generic things NOT AT WEDDING SHOPS. Just the fact that the word "wedding" is attached to it will drive up the price, I've found. Be patient enough to work with people who will accommodate you the most and not try to shake you upside down for the loose change out of your pockets.

                    3. Some friendships fade - You and he may find that out as you move onto this next step, but marriage can forever change the friendships you (and he) have with the opposite sex. Perhaps this has happened to you already. But it's an element I wasn't expecting before that has suddenly come into play. You may be the exception rather than the rule, but from my understanding, it can be pretty common and a natural transition that takes place. Sad, but life.
                    i wish there was a "like" button because i liked this.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Problems are individual, but the most common deal with bridal party, family, jealous, guests (especially in cases of travel), and finances. When Aaron and I were planning the wedding, we had the following obstacles:

                      -Finances. Since we had a four and a half month engagement there wasn't a lot of time to save.
                      -People not being willing or able to travel. It would have been an intimate wedding because his family and friends are in Wisconsin and Arizona and mine are in Virginia and West Virginia (though a close friend is in Italy), and we (as well as one of his brothers, his sister, and his parents) were living in North Carolina.
                      -Bridesmaid. One bridesmaid was not very involved and a month before the wedding still hadn't found a dress.
                      -His parents. They were great, but started morphing the wedding into what they wanted it to be, and with the stresses from problems with their eldest son being in a bad relationship, his crazy girlfriend and her power over their daughter they ended up lashing out at us negatively.
                      -Jealousy. What ultimately led to us deciding to elope was his elder brother's crazy redneck girlfriend getting super jealous and manipulating his teenage sister who was jealous for other reasons (also she was one of my bridemaids) into attacking me a month before the wedding.

                      I seriously hope you don't have any crazy drama during your engagement and planning, but my biggest tip to you would be this: AVOID inviting people into the wedding party until absolutely necessary. Friendships change, and people show their true dependability. You don't want a non-friend standing by your side or to find out at the last minute you can't count on someone. This comes from a twice engaged girl, first time for two years and the second for four and a half months.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        I almost feel crazy. I don't look at Engagement as stressful wedding planning, money spending, pressure, and stress. I look at it as a trial period to work out all final kinks between the both of you, allows you to dig in deeper to your commitment, continue to get to know eachother, and it gets you used to wearing a ring haha. At the end of the day, it's the two of you, not everyone else. You will never please EVERYONE, particularly with wedding stuff. I just think that too many other things distract from the big picture, and you lose the meaning. My Fiance and I will probably elope.. maybe invite a few close friends and family members, we'll all disperse after the ceremony, and then we'll do real celebrating with our families AFTER the honeymoon. No stress, we've spent our special time together, and it didn't cost us a few several future house payments to do it. <3

                        So I mean, with being engaged, we talk about our plans, but we don't lose sight of what we've set out to do, and that is to commit the rest of our lives to one another. Also, he proposed to me without a ring, and without breaking the bank, we got it later. But it's not about the ring. It's about nothing but you and him and your future as one. Call me old-fashioned, but I hold strong to the simple things. It's nice to daydream about all of this fancy stuff, but it won't often turn out the way you'd like.. you may get the perfect wedding, but that does not guarantee the perfect marriage. I also tend to believe, if you put too much energy into one area, others will suffer. So, it's best to prioritize. Like for me, our relationship is first priority. While you're engaged, it's healthy to be testing eachother, also, ask eachother tough questions, share, learn, and you will be surprised what a difference it makes, particularly if there were strong opinions you didn't think you could come to consensus on, like how many children you want to have. Also, plenty of research will go a long way. Ask questions, ask for advice, and do your homework together.

                        Comment


                          #13
                          I think I must be lucky in the way that if I had it my way, it would ONLY be me and my man at our wedding, not even witnesses! I reaaaally don't want a fuss. We'll be marrying in Canada now but even if it was here in the UK (that was the plan for a while) I still wouldn't want my family to come! Not that I have anything against my family, I'm just the type that doesn't want a fuss!

                          When we started planning our wedding over here it was so weird sending each other links to wedding suits and locations I'm really glad I don't need to do it now and I applaud all you guys that arrange the whole shabang thousands of miles apart!

                          For me my problem is waiting for my ring! My man 'popped the question' very casually in bed one night. My friend told him that wasn't good enough and he needs to do it properly! So when we're back together he said he's doing it the right way. =)


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