Waiting... or wasting time?

[eva]

Dear friends,

Thank you for this website, the blog posts and the forum. I know I did not write much, or often, but I enjoy reading your posts because I recognize myself in many of your words.

I would really appreciate your help, because I just feel alone, and confused right now.
I am sure that I am in love with him, although we are continents apart, and it has been that way for a year now. We had a wonderful year together in the US, but after graduation, everything has changed because we got jobs at different continents. We will see each other in the summer, but I worry... what happens next? He wants to pursue his career, and I want to pursue mine.

How did you decide who is the one making the move, and adopting a different culture and language? I want to be with him, and am sure he is the one, yet, I missed home a lot during my study abroad, and am not that willing to make that move again.

How did you know when to close the distance; quit the job and just got married and moved to a different country?

Thank you for your help, today, and so many days before.

Much love

[Silencedsongs]

It's something you and your SO are just going to have to sit down and talk about what you both want and need. What are you willing to do? What is he willing to do? No matter what, a relationship is about compromise. It just depends on how much you're willing to compromise for...

[heatherotic]

I agree. Ya'll are definitely going to need to talk about it. For me and my SO, the choice was easy because he's in the military, so it's not like he can ignore them and move with me.

I don't think I know anything about your situation, but Horizondreaming in right. You're going to have to find a way to compromise. Could you continue your career in a different country? Would it be impossible for the one of you to become part of the others country/culture?

I think ya'll need to talk. But without more info, I don't really know what else to say. Sorry.

[eva]

Thanks !!

[Silviar]

You sit down and talk about what each of you needs in terms of where you live - then you figure out how soon you want to do it, keeping in mind things like money and how much you'll need to do it. Being with someone means working together to find a place that will cover both of your bases for your needs - career, emotional needs, safety/security, and other desires you may have.

I will say though, there's no 'just' with getting married, particularly international. There is so much planning, red tape, and money that goes into the wedding AND visa process that it's cringeworthy. It's really important to take those monetary considerations into your planning. An example from me: when my SO and I talked about closing the distance, one of the things I made sure that was on our list for things we had to afford in the next year was my permanent residency visa - because it costs $2600 AUD to apply.