Wedding planning hints and tips

[London-FortCollins]

I had a scan through, I dont think theres a thread for this yet.

I'm sure whilst planning our weddings we're all discovering things - more often than not the hard way! So I thought it'd be good to have a thread for having general hints and tips for the planning process.

My number one tip I've discovered so far:

Keep friends and family involved...but on YOUR terms!
Your loved ones love you. They are excited for you, want your day to be fabulous and ultimately want your day to be perfect. For your parents its probably a day they've been dreaming about for you for many years.

Of course the flip side of that is the over zealous involvement, wanting to live vicariously through you making it about their dream day, the one perhaps they never got to have and forgetting this is YOUR day.

My advice is to make the decisions about what you want with your SO before talking about them to anyone else. Or if you cant decide, narrow it down to two options before asking for ANY one elses input! Asking your future mother in law "What colours should we have?" is going to be a much more difficult discussion than "We like red and white but we also like the idea of champagne and purple. Which do you think would work better in the venue?". Much more constructive in the long run and much less stressful for you and your SO.

Or if you already have decisions made, show family or take them along to meetings for fun. For example I went to the florist with a very clear idea of the flowers I wanted. I was able to look at the florists and my SO's stepmum's ideas objectively. I ended up adding in Iris's which I never would have thought of, but without feeling all decisions were taken out of my hands.

They still feel part of your planning but your still in control of the final decisions.

Of course this is much more difficut to enforce if you have parents paying for the wedding, as they may feel they have a right to make the decisions. I would recommend just talking about it from the start. "We VERY much appreciate you helping us out. We wanted to know - how much involvement did you want?" Then take it as tactfully as possible from there!

Keep your SO involved in the planning - its his day too!
The amount of books I've read and people I've spoken to who are still convinced this is all about the Bride. Granted I've already established with my SO that if theres an issue we really butt horns over the "I'm the bride so I win" rule will be enforced, but other than that I want him to be happy with the day.

Ok he may not care whether the candles are white or ivory, or if there are 8 uplights or 10 but he DOES care what food is being served, what music is being played, what colours we like etc etc. Not to mention having two people planning, bouncing ideas off of each other and making phone calls/sending emails takes a lot of the pressure off.

One story I will share that enraged me was when we called a tux rental place. They asked "Does the bride have her dresses for the bridesmaids picked out?" Nononononono! HE picks his tux and we will match the groomsmen and bridesmaids TO HIM! Its his bloody day not the bridal parties! Grrr!

Anyway - share the hints, tips and tricks you've discovered.

[Zephii]

Ooh I can add!

Start by picking a date - and give yourself time.
A year in advance is standard. Many places advise "Don't book more than a year in advance, but book as early as possible within that year."
So you need your date and place before you need to know your colours or buy dresses or anything else. You need to think about what time of year you want, and what kind of wedding you're having too, because if you choose the middle of winter but you want a casual beach wedding, that's not going to go over so well, and if you decide you want a full blown formal wedding in the middle of summer all those guys in tuxes might be a little put out with you.
When picking your date consider your guests - how far do they have to come? will they have to work the next day? If you book a weekday (tues-thurs) everything will cost you less. If you book a friday or saturday night, it costs quite a bit more. If you pick a sunday, venues advise you to hold your reception early, so that people have time to get back home without missing half the party.


Beware the minimum spend.
I'd never heard of this before, because I've never planned a big event. But, some places have a minimum spend - that is to say you can't rent their facility unless the packages you choose to pay for reach a certain price. I've found these minimum spends to go as high as $7000 which, is fairly easy to reach if you have the money to spend, but some of us are trying not to start our married lived in debt.
You can get around the minimum spend in some places by not renting the whole venue (ie, still allowing the business to take in other customers) but then of course, it's not as private, you can't be as loud etc.

I'm sure I'll be back. Doing lots of planning today!

[London-FortCollins]

Ugh the minimum spend thing. I know right? Luckily we found really great vendors but there are plenty that will expect a minimum amount.

Don't feel obligied to use friends or relatives
My SO has a relative who is setting up his own photography business. A lot of his relatives think its ridiculous for us to pay for a photographer when we could get it for free. (Or a very minimal fee) For me the photographs will be THE most important part of the day, (other than actually getting married of course!) and the one I've put the most effort into finding. I want someone with lots of experience shooting weddings, the professionalism and also the ability to see my vision. I also wanted it to be someone I can direct if I'm not happy (in the best possible way of course) I would not feel happy about doing that with his relative that I have only met once.

Not to mention the services offered by the full time professional such as a photobooth, high quality album, proofs etc. The relative shot my SO's wedding last year and she still hasnt seen the photos. (apparently)

On he flip side I have a friend setting up her own cake making business who I would trust with my life to make the wedding cake. Maybe thats because I know her better, I dont know. But the point is this is YOUR day, you should have the people you want and trust bringing all of the elements together. Just find a way to politely explain your reasons to family members who insist you use those you know in an effort to save money.

[BabyGund]

The #1 most important thing is to make a budget and stick to it as closely as you can. I know people who go over by a few hundred dollars and that's OK. I actually came in under budget - I just simply found some great deals with great vendors.

Take advantage of bridal shows. Take a small notebook with you and in this day and age of cell phone cameras, take pictures of everything, just to remind you of who and want you saw and why you liked it. The bridal shows will also give you an idea of what vendors charge in your area, so you can make a realistic budget.

Be careful of Greeks bearing gifts - ie family contributions. Sometimes strings are attached. I found out in the dating process that my ex-H's parents loved to use money as a carrot to get him and his siblings to do their bidding. Thanks but no thanks. I would have eloped to Vegas before I took a dime from them.

I agree with the photographs - get a professional. This wedding is only done this one time and the photos will be all you have to remember it. Spring for a professional; cut back in other areas of the budget if you must.

[Silviar]

Don't be afraid to borrow and rent. You'll find that some things may end up being a lot cheaper if you borrow them from someone rather than buying, and renting can be much better of a deal than buying. A great example is the car - if your wheels are very, shall we say, low cost, see if someone you know has a nice/newer car you can just borrow for the ride-up. Centerpieces can be rented. So can wedding dresses, if you're one of those people who doesn't care if you keep it or not.

Make sure you get a good photographer. I know others said it, but I want to add in my agreement. The pictures of you together are the one thing you're going to want to look back on, be sure to spend the money on what will last in your family annals of history!

You don't need all those doodads everyone says you need. You're not going to remember what color the chair covers were, or that you skimped on putting bigger centerpieces, nor is anyone going to complain that you picked beef and chicken buffet over a filet mignon sit-down affair. In the end, people are there to see YOU get married, and to celebrate your union.

That goes for alcohol too. If you don't want to pay for alcohol, then don't. You don't have to pay to get everyone drunk if that's something that turns you off. People can pay for their own cocktails. OR to reduce cost, you can always do beer/wine/champagne only.

[London-FortCollins]

That goes for alcohol too. If you don't want to pay for alcohol, then don't. You don't have to pay to get everyone drunk if that's something that turns you off. People can pay for their own cocktails. OR to reduce cost, you can always do beer/wine/champagne only.

Totally forgot about that. Me and my SO dont drink but a lot of friends do, so we said we're doing cash bar only. Me SO actually got kinda mad at the idea of an open bar, he said even if we did drink, why should we pay for every to get wasted when we're already spending goodness knows how much on food, entertainment etc.

A champagne toast is included in our venue price and I'm going to give a select few people (my mum and bridesmaids) a token or two for a drink on me but thats it, everyone else pays for their own and I'll be making that crystal clear in advance. Anyone who doesnt want to come or moans because they have to pay for alcohol shouldnt be coming in the first place in my opinion.

*Rant over*

[BabyGund]

We did BWC, but that was mainly because we had a daytime wedding. Since the reception was over at 4, there was no need for people to be drinking hard liquor that early in the day. Daytime weddings are less expensive anyways and we were able to leave that night for our honeymoon.

[Mizpah]

In no particular order...

Set a budget. And stick with it.
Keep a notebook for your planning. Seriously, that and an account with Wedding Wire, will help keep everything straight and you sane.
Don't bite off more than you can chew. Meaning, DIYing and personalizing the wedding is awesome, but don't take on more than you can handle.
Pay your own way. Money all too often comes with strings, even when it comes from your closest friends and family.
Prioritize. Keep in mind what's important, so that staying on budget isn't so difficult.
Make a 'Keep, Cut, Personalize' List. Just because it's traditional doesn't mean it's a must, or that it will be important to you or your partner, so make a list that will help you see what is important, unnecessary, and could be updated or personalized.
Don't make wedding party official too soon. Especially in the case of long engagements, it's foolhardy at best to choose your wedding party too soon. Why? Because people and friendships change, and there's nothing like a wedding to bring that out.
Don't feel obligated. This means you don't have to invite or include people you don't want, or do things you don't like.

I generally agree with the whole photography thing, but in our case we cancelled the wedding, and planned to elope and had no idea or plan for a photographer. Don't get me wrong, photography was super important to me/us, but we just didn't have anyone until a friend who was coming down to witness our legal ceremony with her husband offered to play photographer. I had never seen any of her work, and even though we're very close, I had no idea that she was even getting into photography. Our shots turned out amazing. My avatar is one of them. So a non-pro is not necessarily a bad thing.

[Riyko]

DIY
When ever possible do it yourself, not only does it save money but you can do it your way and it's a great project you and your SO can work on together or even a way you and your friends or your family can do a project together. Examples are invitations, STD (Save the Dates), Bouquets, centerpieces, program (if you have one), table numbers, wedding gifts for the guests.