Unoffical engaement?

[shelski91]

Oka so...I just wanted to share my day
So for those of you who don't know...i'm a Christian missionary wholeft her boy friend back in the Philippines

While I was in the Philippines we did talk about marriage and things but we never really were sure. we'd only been together a few months and are a still bit young. I'd already had a conversation with his Dad who i'm pretty close too about his thoughts if his son asked me to marry him and he said if its what I wanted to he'd be all for it.

But today we got into a conversation about who we would have a sponsors (filipino traditon) at our wedding. So basically i said 'Hon is this a serious conversation? Are you seriously wanting to marry me...because we're christians....we can't just jack this in if it doesnt wory...if we marry each other....thats it we're in it for life'

andso he said 'of course i'm serious, I never want to change you, you are the only one, the best thing in my life and I am absolutlely sure I want to marry you!....arn't you sure?'
So i said 'yeah i'm sure! I just didn't know you were!'

so basically after some more conversation it was your sure...i'm sure...looks like we are having a wedding then!!

so theres been no offical proposal...but yeah I think we just commited to getting married as soon as I figure away to become a permanant missionary there and we have enough cash to do it

head = spinning!

[Mizpah]

I don't think there is anything "unofficial" about it! I know some people do try to have unofficial engagements, but to me, that seems like a contradiction in terms. I know of quite a few couples who came to be engaged through mutual agreement rather than someone pulling out a ring or asking in some elaborate way. I don't think that makes their engagement, or love, any less valid. So enjoy being engaged, and if he wants to later have a re-do, fine but I would focus on planning for your future rather than focusing on technicalities and unimportant traditions.

[Joyce:)]

awww well i'm glad that now you know where he is standing, and congratulations i guess!!

[shelski91]

I don't think there is anything "unofficial" about it! I know some people do try to have unofficial engagements, but to me, that seems like a contradiction in terms. I know of quite a few couples who came to be engaged through mutual agreement rather than someone pulling out a ring or asking in some elaborate way. I don't think that makes their engagement, or love, any less valid. So enjoy being engaged, and if he wants to later have a re-do, fine but I would focus on planning for your future rather than focusing on technicalities and unimportant traditions.

heheh I wasn't really disputing the fact that we are infact engaged. But we are also i'd say deffinatley not at the point where we are telling people. Its too cpmplicated for that, my parents don't think it will last, don't support my life as a missionary, nor do alot of people I knows....so its a we know we are planning on getting married....but know one else needs to...that whats unoffical about it....theres no announcements happening anytime soon!

[shelski91]

awww well i'm glad that now you know where he is standing, and congratulations i guess!!

Thanks

[ioanna]

congratulations this is an exciting part of your relationship, even if you don't plan to announce it yet

[Mizpah]

heheh I wasn't really disputing the fact that we are infact engaged. But we are also i'd say deffinatley not at the point where we are telling people. Its too cpmplicated for that, my parents don't think it will last, don't support my life as a missionary, nor do alot of people I knows....so its a we know we are planning on getting married....but know one else needs to...that whats unoffical about it....theres no announcements happening anytime soon!

I understand the whole need to hold-off on announcing engagements. My husband and I took the bull by the horns, and told my parents right after we got engaged. They flipped! They love him, but things were still difficult between them and I...Sometimes the stress that comes with people knowing is too much.

[shelski91]

Yeah I knoe exactly what you mean, my facebook status still says 'single' Just because people just don't get it! However my opinion is 'don't judge what you haven't tried!'
So we'll just keep it too ourselves for now, and I think I might even just announce my wedding by sending my parents an invite...I will be in a different country living a life they already disapprove of....so who cares if they flip a little more? His family are behind us at least!

[MusicalSoul22]

Congrats! That a huge step, but as long as you guys feel like you know each other well enough and are willing to make it work no matter what, go for it! The people who truly care about your happiness will be at your wedding no matter what. The one's who don't come either need to get over themselves or you didn't need them in the first place.

Happy for you both.

[shelski91]

Thanks Musicalsoul
Yeah well, unfortunately i'll be a litte far fro most of my loved ones to travel, but i'll know whos behindme and who not, and thats what matters

[Mizpah]

Yeah I knoe exactly what you mean, my facebook status still says 'single' Just because people just don't get it! However my opinion is 'don't judge what you haven't tried!'
So we'll just keep it too ourselves for now, and I think I might even just announce my wedding by sending my parents an invite...I will be in a different country living a life they already disapprove of....so who cares if they flip a little more? His family are behind us at least!

People really are so judgmental. Our family and friends were always behind our relationship (even my parents at their worst), but I have had some acquaintances who were baffled when we were long distance, shocked when they found out how short of a time we've been together, and horrified when they learn we met online. It's so silly. One of my friends is in a relationship that she and her SO aren't ready to announce, so they simply hid their relationship status alltogether. Made their life simpler.

It's so nice to have family support, even if it's from your partner's family and not your own. When my parents were being difficult, his family was so excited for us and encouraging us to go forward with our plans. That really made all the difference Congrats! I know it's a pretty massive undertaking trying to plan a wedding even when it doesn't include other countries and laws, but I am sure you will have a blast!

[srigg009]

My SO and I have agreed that we are getting married at some point in the future and that neither of us ever could imagine being apart, so its kind of the same thing. We consider ourselves together forever and know we are getting married so its just like being engaged, we hate calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend because to us we are so much more than that. But, because we are so young and still in school we know that its better to wait to announce an engagement and pull out that ring. But yeah, I wouldn't call it unofficial, I would just call it a secret engagement.