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**snow_girl** · July 17, 2011, 06:03 PM

I think you need to take a step back. I understand you are really excited to be with her and that you love her very much but you have technically only been dating for a couple months. I don't think it is wise for you to be planning your engagement 10 months early and already be planning a wedding and be thinking of a date. Have you talked to her about any of this? A whole lot can change in a year so before you count your chickens before they hatch, just enjoy what you have now instead of consuming yourself with plans for two years time.

**Michael19** · July 17, 2011, 06:29 PM

yes. i have in fact talked to her about it. it was brought up by the both of us. and she feels the EXACT same way. again her godmother and her husband were dating for a week, then the second week the topic of marriage came up. a year later, they got married.

**MadMolly** · July 18, 2011, 12:35 AM

I don't understand why people bring up other people when it comes to their own relationships...

Honestly, what's wrong with waiting? What changes once you're married?

Be together peacefully for some years and THEN when you're comfortable with eachother and everything has settled, plan to get married. It'll give you something to look forwards to once you guys are past the fiery honeymoon period!

**Dziubka** · July 18, 2011, 05:09 AM

Originally posted by MadMolly View Post

I don't understand why people bring up other people when it comes to their own relationships...

Honestly, what's wrong with waiting? What changes once you're married?

Be together peacefully for some years and THEN when you're comfortable with eachother and everything has settled, plan to get married. It'll give you something to look forwards to once you guys are past the fiery honeymoon period!

THIS.

You've basically only just met.
Everyone knows what it's like to fall in love and it's an amazing feeling and a wonderful stage of the relationship to be in. Everything seems to be rose-coloured and heartshaped and sunshine and rainbows at the same time. Especially if it's the first relationship you have.
It's totally ok, to dream about getting married, having a house by the sea, two kids and a golden labrador or imagining your honeymoon to some tropical paradise-y sort of place. It's part of falling in love and it's a fun thing to do.

But imho it's more sensible to wait and see how the relationship actually works out, before taking any further steps. Why are you in such a hurry to get engaged and married? Like MadMolly said what changes with engagement or marriage?
What does it matter what her godmother did?
There are couples that have been together forever without ever getting married, there are couples that have gotten married fast and gotten divorced fast and yet others have gotten married after having dated for a long time and lived happily ever after.
You'll always find people to present as an example, but what does it actually show?

**nic&matt** · July 18, 2011, 03:02 PM

I agree to everything above.
Patience. The "honeymoon" feeling is great, more than great, fantastic! But it's also doesn't last forever.
If you love someone, and you have no doubt you'll marry them, test yourself and wait a while. What difference does it make? None.
Dziubka is absolutely right: You'll always find people to present as an example. But everyone is DIFFERENT! Every realtionship and personality is completely different that what works for someone might not work for you and vice versa.

If you love her, stick with her. She doesn't need to know where it's going. Live in the present or you'll miss all the expirences and emotions that go into the hard work of a LDR. Good luck

**Michael19** · July 18, 2011, 05:07 PM

Reply to everyone basically
i brought up other peoples relationships that got married early and young because its proof it works out. yes, everyone is different. but why can't the same thing happen to other people?? its just proof that two people can get married early and young and it can last. There's no, "rules", that say when you can and cant get married. everyone does it their own way. and this is our way. again just to make sure its clear. i brought up other peoples relationships and how they did it because its proof it can work. so why can't it work like that for other people? give me a good reason and maybe ill believe it.
and yes there is no rush to get married, which is why it wont be for another 2 years at least. if we were in a rush we could have gotten married now. but we didnt because she doesnt live here yet, and we both wanna be at least 21. but if you truly know and believe you love and wanna marry someone, why delay it when its going to happen anyways. yes. shit happens and people get divorced. but i guess i have another reason why I know and that's my faith in God. I pray about it all the time, and i could go into a whole shpeal of all the reasons why I know shes the one and we wanna get married, but i dont have to make anyone else know its meant to be. only me and her need to know for sure.

now don't get me wrong, i DO appreciate the concern, and looking out for me and all that.
but thats, that.

**Moon** · July 18, 2011, 06:24 PM

Well, good luck either way, but realize marriage isn't all about romance and happily ever after, it's HARD WORK. It's made much harder when you're young and just don't have the emotional maturity and wisdom yet to handle the many, many unforeseen circumstances you will encounter. When you aren't quite established in a career, and aren't sure whether you should pay the electric bill, or eat that week, trust me, the novelty wears off fast. There are so many situations young people don't even think about, because they've never really been out on their own, and once married, you can't just go running home to mom and dad, y'know? If you go through with this I STRONGLY recommend pre-marriage counseling, if you're Christian, your church can help you with that most likely. Not just a couple of hours, either. Let experienced people you trust, outside of your respective families, help you to understand, I mean truly understand, what you're getting into and help you with exercises on how to work through them. They'll make you think and show you things you haven't considered.

I married at 21, and it was a huge mistake! I'm not saying it can't work for you, but without the support and help of those around you, it probably won't. That's just the reality of it. While I don't think it's a smart decision, it can be made smarter, and I honestly hope you'll consider the pre-marital couples counseling. Give yourself the best start possible if you do this, OK?

**Dziubka** · July 18, 2011, 07:06 PM

Moon, I don't know how to say this without seeming creepy or weird, but I always enjoy reading your posts. You're so open-minded about everything and so full of wisdom without being preachy or patronising.
I'm sorry I just had to say it. Please keep posting here for a long time, ok?

---
Back to the topic, I've basically already said everything I had to say, but there's just one more aspect you might want to consider:
You asked why wait, when it's eventually going to happen anyway. While that's a legitimate question, think about this.
There are a lot of people who say that in retrospective they got married too you, but have you ever heard someone saying they waited too long or got married too late?

Another reason I never wanted to get married early and we're waiting a few more years (apart from the fact that we want to get to know each other properly) is that I want to have a real wedding. I want a party, a location, a dress and food and drink that makes me look back to the day as one that I and my guests really enjoyed and adequately represents my boyfriend's and my relationship.
There's no way we could afford that on an undergrad student's budget.

**Michael19** · July 18, 2011, 08:30 PM

Both legit responses. However,
No one knows what knowledge I do have about certain things. Of course things will happen. and we'll work through it together. I have no worries about paying bills or buying food. the job i have, is one not many teens have at 19. I work full time at a glass company. (also currently getting paid subcontracted, aka, under-the-table). and will keep this job until i go to grad school. so money isnt an issue, and she also makes great money.
And not to sound however it may sound. but you don't know where my emotional maturity is, so you can't speak on that, sorry, but you don't.
With my religion, its basically a standard to have pre-marriage counseling, especially with what I want to do. Which is to be an orthodox priest. when you go to get married in the Orthodox Church and you go to the priest of who ever you want to perform the ceremony, they basically do pre-marriage counseling.
and we will/do have help and support from those around us. more than i could ever ask for.
sure marriage may be hard work, but its a hell of a lot easier with God and our faith at the center of the relationship. (side note: which is why once your "married" during the orthodox wedding, you walk around a table with the Bible and a Cross on the table, symbolizing the life of the married couple centered on their faith and God. - "fun fact".)
For those who are Christian and have had God answer their prayers or if you prayed about something that worked out, you should understand where I am coming from with part of this. If not, then you don't understand the feeling I have about all this, and how I just know it will work.

I wanna make it clear that I am NOT acting like I know everything there is to know, cause I don't. But with the woman I love, and our parents and those who are most close to us, and most importantly God (one of my favorite verses from the Bible, "With men this is impossible, But with God, all things are possible") it will all work out just fine. Sure we'll run into complications with whatever may come up. But with who I just mentioned we'll work through it.

---------- Post added at 08:30 PM ---------- Previous post was at 08:30 PM ----------

Both legit responses. However,
No one knows what knowledge I do have about certain things. Of course things will happen. and we'll work through it together. I have no worries about paying bills or buying food. the job i have, is one not many teens have at 19. I work full time at a glass company. (also currently getting paid subcontracted, aka, under-the-table). and will keep this job until i go to grad school. so money isnt an issue, and she also makes great money.
And not to sound however it may sound. but you don't know where my emotional maturity is, so you can't speak on that, sorry, but you don't.
With my religion, its basically a standard to have pre-marriage counseling, especially with what I want to do. Which is to be an orthodox priest. when you go to get married in the Orthodox Church and you go to the priest of who ever you want to perform the ceremony, they basically do pre-marriage counseling.
and we will/do have help and support from those around us. more than i could ever ask for.
sure marriage may be hard work, but its a hell of a lot easier with God and our faith at the center of the relationship. (side note: which is why once your "married" during the orthodox wedding, you walk around a table with the Bible and a Cross on the table, symbolizing the life of the married couple centered on their faith and God. - "fun fact".)
For those who are Christian and have had God answer their prayers or if you prayed about something that worked out, you should understand where I am coming from with part of this. If not, then you don't understand the feeling I have about all this, and how I just know it will work.

I wanna make it clear that I am NOT acting like I know everything there is to know, cause I don't. But with the woman I love, and our parents and those who are most close to us, and most importantly God (one of my favorite verses from the Bible, "With men this is impossible, But with God, all things are possible") it will all work out just fine. Sure we'll run into complications with whatever may come up. But with who I just mentioned we'll work through it.

**Moon** · July 18, 2011, 09:05 PM

Originally posted by Michael19 View Post

Both legit responses. However,
No one knows what knowledge I do have about certain things. Of course things will happen. and we'll work through it together. I have no worries about paying bills or buying food. the job i have, is one not many teens have at 19. I work full time at a glass company. (also currently getting paid subcontracted, aka, under-the-table). and will keep this job until i go to grad school. so money isnt an issue, and she also makes great money.
And not to sound however it may sound. but you don't know where my emotional maturity is, so you can't speak on that, sorry, but you don't.
With my religion, its basically a standard to have pre-marriage counseling, especially with what I want to do. Which is to be an orthodox priest. when you go to get married in the Orthodox Church and you go to the priest of who ever you want to perform the ceremony, they basically do pre-marriage counseling.
and we will/do have help and support from those around us. more than i could ever ask for.
sure marriage may be hard work, but its a hell of a lot easier with God and our faith at the center of the relationship. (side note: which is why once your "married" during the orthodox wedding, you walk around a table with the Bible and a Cross on the table, symbolizing the life of the married couple centered on their faith and God. - "fun fact".)
For those who are Christian and have had God answer their prayers or if you prayed about something that worked out, you should understand where I am coming from with part of this. If not, then you don't understand the feeling I have about all this, and how I just know it will work.

I wanna make it clear that I am NOT acting like I know everything there is to know, cause I don't. But with the woman I love, and our parents and those who are most close to us, and most importantly God (one of my favorite verses from the Bible, "With men this is impossible, But with God, all things are possible") it will all work out just fine. Sure we'll run into complications with whatever may come up. But with who I just mentioned we'll work through it.[COLOR="Silver"]

Wow, know what? I'm starting to think you're kind of a jerk. Well, it's obvious that at 19, you're much more emotionally mature and more wise than the rest of us

And yes, actually I CAN speak on your emotionally maturity, it's obvious from the way you've answered these posts from people who were only trying to help you. You're a 19 year old guy, 'nuff said. Anyway, whatever dude, have a nice life and all. Seeing the way you respond to people makes me very glad I'm a non-believer and you'll never be my priest. I apologize for wasting my time being concerned for your well being, it won't happen again.

---------- Post added at 09:05 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:01 PM ----------

Originally posted by Dziubka View Post

Moon, I don't know how to say this without seeming creepy or weird, but I always enjoy reading your posts. You're so open-minded about everything and so full of wisdom without being preachy or patronising.
I'm sorry I just had to say it. Please keep posting here for a long time, ok?

---

Aww...thanks

I hope I've managed to be useful, and I'm not actually wise, just old

I've been around the block a couple of times and learned a few things the hard way. It's really nice to be appreciated! And no, that wasn't creepy or weird, just very sweet.

**Michael19** · July 18, 2011, 09:10 PM

You can have your opinion. I don't care what people think of me. I came to that conclusion at the end of last year.
God bless

**snow_girl** · July 19, 2011, 04:13 AM

Originally posted by Michael19 View Post

More proof that being married young and really early can last!!! i've had people tell me im rushing into things basically and i should wait but thats more proof that it can work and be married forever

Seeing as how you take what happens to others must be what is going to happen to you, I have a couple stories to share.
I dated a guy for 3 years, I was certain we were going to get married, we had even talked about it....didn't happen. My friend got married at 18 was married for 5 years and just got divorced.
For some reason though I feel like you won't think these stories will apply to you. We are telling you not to rush because you should enjoy what you have now, when it comes to getting married then thats wonderful and do it, but the honeymoon stage won't last forever and when its gone you will wish you didn't rush through it.

**Michael19** · July 19, 2011, 04:51 PM

I do understand what your saying. but apparently people don't understand what I am saying.
It can work out all different ways. its works different for EVERYONE. its not just it can happen two ways, either it will or wont work. and again, i KNOW it will. i have TONS of reasons why it will. im not gonna write what i already wrote again. and there is way more than just what i have already said. and its not that i dont think they can never apply to me. they could, but this is it. both my ex's i thought i was going to marry each of them when we were together. but did it happen? nope. just cause im young and we wanna marry at 21, why does that mean I can't meet the person im going to spend the rest of my life with now.
i know what i know, and believe what i believe.

---------- Post added at 04:51 PM ---------- Previous post was at 04:48 PM ----------

and your also basically saying that it wont work. you just said when the honeymoon stage is gone ill wish i didnt rush. who says im gonna regret it.
not to sound like a total jerk or whatever (honestly i dont care if i do), but i can't wait to prove you all wrong.

**Minerva** · July 19, 2011, 05:00 PM

People are telling you to slow down because EVERYONE has felt this way about someone they loved at one point or another. When I got married, it was FOREVER. And we were older than you. Everything you say you feel is CLASSIC honeymoon phase talk. That's something you learn about after a couple of crushes or relationships.

So much changes between 19 and even 25. I'm not the person I was at 19. I'm not even the person I was at 25. People grow, people change. That's why most marriages fail.

You might be a mature 19, but life experience trumps maturity just about every time. At 19, many people are pretty sure of how life works -- it's heady to finally be an adult. But the older you get, the less sure you become. That's not a bad thing -- being uncertain is a gift, because it opens your mind and allows you to see so many more possibilities in the world.

The fact that you think that just because a quick courting and young marriage CAN work means it WILL work for you shows you for your naivety. Yes, it can. And yes, it may not. Both points are just as valid, and thus, meaningless. Your marriage won't be anyone else�s, and the success or failure will depend on the two of you and your circumstances. If you have problems, all the successful marriages in the world won't mean squat to YOUR marriage.

You didn't ask for advice, so fair enough that you're getting slightly defensive at what people are saying. But you did post this on a discussion board, and people won't rubber-stamp your choices just because you're so secure in them. If you just want to share without feedback, blog it out and limit comments.

Anyway, best of luck to you, no matter what.

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