Changing your last name

[Kerry]

I used to have the mindset that i wanted to keep my last name. my bf did say that he'd consider taking mine. then I've been thinking- he's moving up here when we get married and starting his life over. would it be so hard for me to take his last name?

[CynicalQuixotic]

I used to have the mindset that i wanted to keep my last name. my bf did say that he'd consider taking mine. then I've been thinking- he's moving up here when we get married and starting his life over. would it be so hard for me to take his last name?

See, this is what I mean. Why do you consider taking his name recompense for him moving up to be with you? I don't understand this at all.

(I'm not picking on you in particular, Kerry, but this is an opinion that I've seen a lot and I honestly do not understand it.)

[Dziubka]

See, this is what I mean. Why do you consider taking his name recompense for him moving up to be with you? I don't understand this at all.

Well, for one relationships are about finding compromises or quid pro quo's a lot of the time.

Like I wrote before: I'd like to keep my last name, because it's beautiful and I really love it, but my boyfriend would like to keep his as well. And we both would like our family to have the same last name.
So I might let my boyfriend pick out the name for our first son (not because sons are more important, but because we don't disagree about the daughter's name!) in exchange for him taking my last name.

[CynicalQuixotic]

Well, for one relationships are about finding compromises or quid pro quo's a lot of the time.

Like I wrote before: I'd like to keep my last name, because it's beautiful and I really love it, but my boyfriend would like to keep his as well. And we both would like our family to have the same last name.
So I might let my boyfriend pick out the name for our first son (not because sons are more important, but because we don't disagree about the daughter's name!) in exchange for him taking my last name.

Well, yes, I'm well aware relationships are about compromises. I think where the disconnect is for me--and therefore, why I asked the question--is that I don't really understand why last names are such an important concept that they have to be the subject of negotiation, and/or why anyone would feel the need to appease their partner by changing their name. I've never met anyone, male or female, who had a real vested interest in their partner changing their last name when they got married. Maybe it's a cultural thing, who knows.

[jiynx]

It's always been an unspoken agreement that I would take his last name. I love my family name, but like others have said, it reenforces the feeling of being a family. I will get A LOT of jokes due to his last name, but that's okay. He said he's changing the spelling so people don't get confused with an insect. baha.

[weetzie]

I would really want to take Marc's last name, but at the same time, I feel like I'd be losing my identity, since my family is from Ireland, and his last name is extremely Italian.

Would any of you do any other changes to your names while you're petitioning for the name change? I'm thinking of making sticking my Hebrew name in (converted) and replacing my old middle name instead.

[Dziubka]

Well, yes, I'm well aware relationships are about compromises. I think where the disconnect is for me--and therefore, why I asked the question--is that I don't really understand why last names are such an important concept that they have to be the subject of negotiation, and/or why anyone would feel the need to appease their partner by changing their name. I've never met anyone, male or female, who had a real vested interest in their partner changing their last name when they got married. Maybe it's a cultural thing, who knows.

I don't know... I guess names are an important part of my identity. I wouldn't want to have an ugly or very complicated last name and have people adress me by it. After all, if I have first name I don't like, I can ask my friends to call me something else or simply introduce myself by a name I chose. However (at least over here) you usually get adressed by your last name in official situations in which it would be veeery weird to go by a false name. I could hardly ask my lecturers, bank person or doctor to call me "Miss [made-up-lastname]" when all my documents are with my real last name.

And I'd like my family (that is my husband, our children and I) to have the same last name. It may be a silly, but I also think it shows commitment. For me, the name is party of my identity and by giving it up or sharing it with my boyfriend, we become part of the same idenity in a way. I mean obviously you can change your name back, once you get divorced, but I guess you'll never completely get rid of it again (My dad never changed his name back after my parents' divorce). I feel that I didn't do a good job of explaining that...
And seeing as I don't really want to give up my last name, I guess I have an interest in my boyfriend changing his last name. His mum was all for it Maybe she'll help me convince him.

[alw83]

I will take my So's last name. I like the idea of having his name and like it has been said before it realy makes me feel like we are connected and a family.

[Kerry]

See, this is what I mean. Why do you consider taking his name recompense for him moving up to be with you? I don't understand this at all.

(I'm not picking on you in particular, Kerry, but this is an opinion that I've seen a lot and I honestly do not understand it.)

I don't know what I'm going to do yet. I'm just not as against it as I have been.

[louisanna6]

I think we're gonna do a hyphenated name. In India, where my SO grew up, the man traditionally takes the woman's last name. I'm American, but am relatively unconventional. I have a super cliche white man last name, and my future husband has a super Tibetan last name (of which there are only a few). His name is shorter so it will go first.

I plan to become a university professor. I am looking forward to the day when my students are hopelessly confused about what to expect from the prof when they read my name. I imagine no one will know how to say it or how to spell it whenever that comes up. But, I'm willing for things to be a little more complicated for the awesome/bizzare factor. The only sad part is my initials. As it stands now, my initials are LAW, but when I get married it looses some awesome LATW. But a worthy sacrifice

[Engel]

I don't know... I guess names are an important part of my identity. I wouldn't want to have an ugly or very complicated last name and have people adress me by it. After all, if I have first name I don't like, I can ask my friends to call me something else or simply introduce myself by a name I chose. However (at least over here) you usually get adressed by your last name in official situations in which it would be veeery weird to go by a false name. I could hardly ask my lecturers, bank person or doctor to call me "Miss [made-up-lastname]" when all my documents are with my real last name.

And I'd like my family (that is my husband, our children and I) to have the same last name. It may be a silly, but I also think it shows commitment. For me, the name is party of my identity and by giving it up or sharing it with my boyfriend, we become part of the same idenity in a way. I mean obviously you can change your name back, once you get divorced, but I guess you'll never completely get rid of it again (My dad never changed his name back after my parents' divorce). I feel that I didn't do a good job of explaining that...
And seeing as I don't really want to give up my last name, I guess I have an interest in my boyfriend changing his last name. His mum was all for it Maybe she'll help me convince him.

LOL
I agree with you on the family thing!
And I had considered before my SO taking my name because I love it so much, but his name grew on me, and it makes me happy to think I will get his name. I am still like: woah... when I think about my first name plus his last name together. but it does sound nice.

And he is an only child, so would only be him to carry the family name, while I have a brother that would carry the Engel forward (and a male cousin, my so doesnt have anyone else, so its up, to him ,and me, to do so when we have our kids.)


But I will keep Engel as a middle name if possible. not sure about the german laws when it concerns that...
I am now Uila Monteiro Engel

So if possible, I will be Uila (my first name) Engel (my now last name, that will be my maiden name, as a middle one if possible) Blank (his last name)


I think it has a nice sound to it.

and I can't wait to be Frau Blank.

[Engel]

I was called Uila Monteiro Engel when single, now that Im married I changed it to Uila Engel-Blank! Im so happy to have his name! makes me proud! and i kept mine as well, so I am double as happy!

[baileyellaine]

I'd take my SO's last name. I've written it down before, actually. Bailey Ellaine Mitchell just sounds better than Bailey Ellaine Arnold to the both of us, really.

[lademoiselle]

Ah, this thread reminds me of the first time I blurted "I've had daydreams about us having the same last name!" to my SO I'm quite traditional when it comes to marriage etc. so I'd love to take his surname, although I can't pronounce it with a proper French accent yet

[digitalfever]

I like my name together... so I'd probably just add his on.... as the last one so people don't use it...