Long Distance Africa and North America - How we met and the so ons!

[FromSA]

Hi Guys,

I fell in love totally random with this guy X, I was hosting a friends birthday party, he and his boys gate crushed. We did not speak most of the night but he got my number from a guy friend and followed me to the dance floor we talked, joked danced a bit there was no flirting. After the event. I went home he texted that he wanted to take me for breakfast I agreed so he drove over to my place at 5am, since we had left the club at about 3am, we decided we sleep and wake up. I know you a;; are saying you put sex forward, there was none of that, he was a true gentlemen, he did not touch me we talked and laughed, woke up at 10am went for breakfast and ended spending the rest of the weekend together then her left for the States.

We kept in contact, texts, calls, emails and a month later we officially started dating. Since then he came to see me twice, once he flew for 2 days, and left. the sweetest thing ever. The last time 2 weeks back he was here for a week, then I realised that love hi 5 months later, we are compatible and friends. He even said so.

Issue 1- he has a child, a daughter 7, I have no kids. I knew what I was getting into to. truthfully I love him and his kid, because he loves her. I would marry him if he asked, without doubt. After 5 months he do-sent talk much about his kid with me, makes me feel like he lacks trust in me.
Issue 2-he has a bit of bad communication according to me. since we are continents away, texts should rain, calls more often and emails over flowing. I don't know if he realises that long distance love is just as much work, even twice as much because to build and keep the trust, we have to talk, make each other aware of feelings.

He is sweet, but he has been almost silent, or almost too busy for 2 days and its driving me up the wall. I decided to tell his friend what's going on, if he could help with breaking the ice.

Guy X, I could move for him. Love his child and love him, I see my future with him. I am afraid to me, to meet his kid and his family and now with this bit of silence, I am confused and sad. I am supposed to travel to him in 2 months time. I have met the kid or spoken to him yet, I am on a LD relationship, how do I make it all work and worth my and his while. I have a big challenge in front of me, I know I LOVE HIM without a doubt.

Help me to improve our:-
1. Communication
2.Trust
3.Build a relationship with his kid
4.relationship with his family
5.preparation to meet his other life I do no know

My issues I need God, I ma trying to pray to him for strength, balance and for this relationship to succeed, I'm 25, he is 30. Im educated, have great job, so I am and will never be a financial burden. How do I begin to do this relationship?

Love
FromSA

[Sabbi696]

So you guys are official?

If the lack of communication bothers you, you need to talk to him about it. He won't know he has to fix it until you tell him the problem. You both need to learn how to communicate with eachother, not only talking but also if a problem arises to know how to communicate to fix it.
Trust, that will just take time to build it..but if he hasn't given you a reason not to trust him..then you should just give him the benefit of the doubt.
Building a relationship with his kid..I don't have experience with dating somebody who had a kid..but maybe when you go visit you can do activities that involve the kid..go to the park, go out for ice cream..etc. Just make sure you are not trying to take the mother's place type thing
Relationship with his family, be yourself. Try to be courteous, maybe offer help around the kitchen, cleaning up, try to make conversation.
and the last one again, you will just have to find out when you get there.

[Sharon Q]

Communication - If the lack of communication bothers you, then talk to him, however you two dont have to talk all the time, its okay for you two to be a little busy and not talk, thats a big thing with being LD, you must understand your partner has things he has to do or take care of. If he's busy he is busy.

Also always let them know how you feel, no one can read minds. he doesnt know what you're thinking until you tell him.

Trust- Be honest with each other, there is no reason to lie to someone if you care about them.

His kid- Mail her some toys that she would like. when on the phone talk with her if he will let you. Or web cam

His family - Same advice as with the kid, talk to his family over webcam if you get the chance.

His other life - This makes everyone nervous, but you've already met him in person. You know him pretty well. Its okay to be nervous about introducing yourself to his friends and family. Just be polite when you go to see him.