Conquering fear of flying.

[Redheart14]

I need some advice. My SO doesn't like flying at all. The fact he's made visits to me mean a lot. Recently he's decided he's not flying anymore. He feels too confined and that people are almost on top of him. He said he wil drive from now on. The drive will take over 15 hours and a plane trip is only 2. The driving would mean he'd only stay a few hours and have to go back again. Time together is so precious. I've flown to him a lot over the past 12 months and I'm finding it hard to keep making trips money wise. I don't know what else I can do or say but I feel I'll hardly see him if he decides to drive. Suggestions? Anything will help. Thanks

[Zapookie]

That sounds like an excuse, tbh. I would pick flying over driving any day. Its such a short flight, it shouldn't be an issue, especially if he's done it many times before. Has he always been scared of confined spaces? What happened to make him change his mind?

[Redheart14]

He's always had a fear of heights, he'd refuse to do anything involving heights. Just took a long time to check in almost missed the baggage drop cut off. We'd been there from early morning bad weather caused long delays.

[Dezface]

I'm afraid of flying and will almost always drive if there's an option. However in your situation, I would be willing to fly for the extra time together. Maybe he could pitch in on cost? If he's not willing to fly to you, the least he can do is cover some of the cost of you going to him. Really though, I think he should suck it up and fly.

[Redheart14]

I'm afraid of flying and will almost always drive if there's an option. However in your situation, I would be willing to fly for the extra time together. Maybe he could pitch in on cost? If he's not willing to fly to you, the least he can do is cover some of the cost of you going to him. Really though, I think he should suck it up and fly.

Thanks for the reply. I don't know how to broach the subject. I've never had to ask for money and really don't want to start now. Hopefully he'll come around to flying again soon. I think the incentive of more time together will win out over dislike of flying.

[TaraMarie]

Or... You could both drive and meet in the middle! I understand. I used to drive 15 hours instead of flying too. Now, I just get drunk before I get on the plane.

[Redheart14]

Or... You could both drive and meet in the middle! I understand. I used to drive 15 hours instead of flying too. Now, I just get drunk before I get on the plane.

Maybe you're onto something there. Thanks! If he still won't fly I'll suggest that. I don't mind flying I've done it often last year for work and now him. I feel like I live at the airport. I'm trying to be considerate but I find it so hard as well. Even of we both drove, 2 hours in to the trip I'd be thinking "We'd be together by now".

[differentcountries]

Or if not drunk, he could get his doctor to give him some anxiety pills to sedate him.

Of course he could work on his issues, but that may take some time. I got very afraid of flying after 9/11, I don't know I just slowly worked my way through it and now it is like taking the bus, actually I feel very safe flying because someone is repsonsible for you. I helped that I went online (I just googled "afraid to fly" in Norwegian) and there were lots of tips on how to understand better how the plane works, the statistics (a car is more dangerous) and so on. I originally did the google search because I wanted to take a course, the airline sometimes do that, but I did not feel like I needed it after that.

[Miasmata]

There are safe meds against anxiety for this kind of situation, they sedate better than alcohol. Recommend those to him and ask him if he thinks the extra time with you is worth the obstacle of flying. Since it's his choice, you should definitely bring up your points to him.

[Moon]

Sedation has been mentioned a couple of times, but guys, it's only a two hour flight If he medicates, won't he still be well under the influence for a while after the flight lands? I'm asking, not being sarcastic, because I have never taken a sedative before, I don't do pills more heavy than ibuprofen.

I realize people fear flying, but for me, I'd way rather fly for two hours, instead of drive for 15! I enjoy flying, but I didn't always. Doing it with increasing frequency made me know what to expect, and see how it is a pretty safe way to go, maybe he just needs to deal with it, until he can handle it better?

[Hollandia]

Or if not drunk, he could get his doctor to give him some anxiety pills to sedate him.

Of course he could work on his issues, but that may take some time. I got very afraid of flying after 9/11, I don't know I just slowly worked my way through it and now it is like taking the bus, actually I feel very safe flying because someone is repsonsible for you. I helped that I went online (I just googled "afraid to fly" in Norwegian) and there were lots of tips on how to understand better how the plane works, the statistics (a car is more dangerous) and so on. I originally did the google search because I wanted to take a course, the airline sometimes do that, but I did not feel like I needed it after that.

I used those for years. I still hate to fly. I don't have a choice but if I did, I would opt for another longer way if I could too. It is hard to explain but I can feel the "lack of earth" under me the entire time I am on the plane. I have flown many times for several years but when the turbulence hits, I cry quietly in my seat and pray to my maker. I don't really care how the plane works, or how safe it is, or anything when I am in the air. It is an irrational fear but one I cannot help.

The pills help, they make you a bit sleepy. You need to be careful about the alcohol if you are alone and/or have connections or have to go through immigration when you land. As long as you have a legal RX for the pills then are fine with you being a bit altered, but only if you take the dosage on bottle, but if you are drunk they can deny you entry from next flight.

@OP
I would suggest a compromise. Ask him if he can try to do it every other time for now and see how that goes. I know it might take longer but if it upsets him that much perhaps a happy relaxed SO for a few less hours is okay sometimes than a stressed terrified one you see quicker. I get so wiped from my flight I generally have to crash not long after landing anyway.

He might end up hating the drive, and change his mind all on his own. 15 hours in a car might really suck . He is the one traveling so ultimately it is his call.

[Hollandia]

Sedation has been mentioned a couple of times, but guys, it's only a two hour flight If he medicates, won't he still be well under the influence for a while after the flight lands? I'm asking, not being sarcastic, because I have never taken a sedative before, I don't do pills more heavy than ibuprofen.

I realize people fear flying, but for me, I'd way rather fly for two hours, instead of drive for 15! I enjoy flying, but I didn't always. Doing it with increasing frequency made me know what to expect, and see how it is a pretty safe way to go, maybe he just needs to deal with it, until he can handle it better?

They take about 20 minutes to kick in. You take them a half hour before you board and they work great. If you take the right dosage you should only be a bit sleepy and mellow. They can't knock you for a loop even on an 10 hour flight or you would be passed out in case of an emergency. The right dosage must allow you to still function. I never drank with mine, but I do know some people that do. I would never get super drunk or over medicate when flying.

I think telling someone to deal with it or suck it up is hard to hear, if you don't also have this fear. I can say that I can feel myself crashing and I see my life crash before my eyes when the bad air pockets hits. I am completely afraid of heights to and I have tried to deal with it, I went mountain climbing to face my fear, and it did not help a bit. I don't know if it because of vertigo or people are just built different but these are fears that I just never lost. I most have flown almost 50 times now. I am jumping a plane from NL to Belfast, short flight, in less than 2 weeks and dreading it.

[Redheart14]

Thanks everyone! I'll put forward all the suggestions and see what he's happy to go with. I've made it clear I can't afford another flight at the moment. So as long as he feels comfortable with it, I'll be happy. The last thing I want to do is put him off coming.