How to convince my mum to let me see him??

[lydia]

I'm 14 years old. I live in Cambridge, and my SO lives in Malaga. Compared to other posts I've read on this website, that's not very much, but it's still enough for us to be desperate to see each other again.
I'm currently in the summer holidays, and in late August (which, coincidentally, is when his birthday is), I have about two weeks free to go and see him. But, my mum won't let me. And my SO can't come here because he can't afford it (and I have told her that, so it's not like she doesn't know).
The reason before was because she didn't fancy it - she didn't think it was ideal to go to southern Spain in the summer, because it was so hot. And I get that. But, the other week I found out that Easyjet lets 14-year-olds fly by themselves. And, when I looked up ticket prices, they were relatively cheap - about £200 altogether, and I've saved enough money that I've got from relatives to pay that back to my mum if she books the flight. And also, I won't be alone, because a friend of mine is free that week as well, and he really wants to go back too. If I go, I'll be staying at my SO's place, so there won't be any money spent on hotels.
So, my mum doesn't have to come, she technically won't be losing any money, and I won't be alone. Why won't she let me go? Can anybody help? More importantly, how do I convince her to let me go?

[Ella85]

Because you are 14 and it's her choice unfortunately. There isn't any magic thing I can tell you to help persuade her. This is something you will have to talk to her about yourself. I wouldn't want my daughter traveling alone under the age of 18 either and staying at a boys house too. I'm not sure I'd be comfortable with it.

[Mims27]

I agree with your mother and what Ella85 said. If you were my daughter, I would not be ok with that either.
I would suggest asking her to go with you. This way you are safe and she gets to meet this person herself.
Maybe next time she'll feel more comfortable with letting you go... Who knows.

[Moon]

There would be nothing in the world that would convince me to let my 14 year old go stay with some boy, in another country, from the internet. I'm sorry, you're asking for something no sane, decent parent would allow.

[80anthea]

One day you might be a parent yourself and you'll understand why your Mum is saying a firm 'No'!

[kittyo9]

Please don't get us wrong, you have done your research and you are being smart by trying not to go alone (and kudos to you for that), but the fact remains that you are 14 years old and allowing you to travel internationally to see someone you've never met in person without parental supervision is just not something that's going to happen.

I'll level with you-- I was 15 years old when I got into a relationship with someone 1800 miles across the states. I was incredibly frustrated knowing that we could not visit each other at the time because my parents would never allow it. I get it, I've been there, it's really hard to deal with. Looking back, I think it would have been crazy if my mom had let me go by myself. Solo trips under 18 just aren't a good idea for anyone unless all parties are already familiar.

And I will tell you as well, I didn't go visit anyone internationally by myself until I was 19 years old, and that was just taking a train from Luxembourg to the Netherlands when I was supposed to be with a group of students going to a different place (they knew where I was going to be, at least).

I did get to visit a friend in Canada when I was 16 or so. My family happened to be taking a trip to the area where she lived and we both met (with our parents) at a restaurant nearby. That was okay because we both had our parents with us.

If you are still set on taking this trip, you will need to ask your mom (or your friend's parents, if your mom is okay with that) to go with you.

[Unicorn26]

I'm 42. It took a lot to persuade my parents to let me go to USA to meet my SO for the first time, and we've been talking every day for 3 years!!!!

I'm glad your mum said no. No decent parent would say yes!!

Sorry if this isn't what you want to hear but you are (legally) a child. How old is your boyfriend? Are you planning to have sex? He could be arrested and charged for rape if you do! Do you have a back up plan if things go wrong? What if he's not there to meet you? Do you have a mobile phone that works abroad? Who's paying for your flight? Have you ever travelled abroad alone before? Can you speak Spanish fluently in case something goes horribly wrong??

You are 14 years old for crying out loud, you are way too young for this... Good on your mum for doing her best to protect her child, I'd be doing exactly the same. Way too many red flags for my liking.

[JaneEmily]

I'm a little confused about everyone assuming she's never met the boy. In her profile it says they met through a Spanish exchange programme and her class went to his school so she's actually met him before AND her school friend wants to go back too. So it's not like she's never met the boy and he's a random stranger (completely), her mother has obviously allowed her to go Spain before without her but of course with parental guidance from teachers.

I do agree that her mum shouldn't agree to let her go by herself for her first visit *back* and that if she wants to show her parents that this isn't just some summer/school exchange fling that her mum should go along with her when she feels it's the right time for her daughter to go back as a family. I wouldn't let my children (when I have them) to go to a country alone (or with a friend the same age, because that could be irresponsible) under the age of eighteen either, and nor did my own mother. But if you want her to take you seriously, allow her to know him a bit better by letting him talk to her on Skype occasionally when you're talking, adding him on FB just so she gets a feel of his personality and his intentions.

[kittyo9]

I'm a little confused about everyone assuming she's never met the boy. In her profile it says they met through a Spanish exchange programme and her class went to his school so she's actually met him before AND her school friend wants to go back too. So it's not like she's never met the boy and he's a random stranger (completely), her mother has obviously allowed her to go Spain before without her but of course with parental guidance from teachers.

I do agree that her mum shouldn't agree to let her go by herself for her first visit *back* and that if she wants to show her parents that this isn't just some summer/school exchange fling that her mum should go along with her when she feels it's the right time for her daughter to go back as a family. I wouldn't let my children (when I have them) to go to a country alone (or with a friend the same age, because that could be irresponsible) under the age of eighteen either, and nor did my own mother. But if you want her to take you seriously, allow her to know him a bit better by letting him talk to her on Skype occasionally when you're talking, adding him on FB just so she gets a feel of his personality and his intentions.

Fair point, we obviously didn't read well enough! Sorry lydia! Unfortunately, it doesn't change much about the situation-- while it is "safer" in that we know who this other person is, your parents do not know him well and you will still need to get an adult to accompany you.