Okay, so I really hate to have one of my newbie posts being one of those "helpppppppppppp" sorts of posts, but I just need a little bit of reassurance. I also couldn't decide if this was a general conversation or a travel question...haha. I'm in New England and my boyfriend is in Wales and theres an entire ocean between us. He's visited me, but I've never been over there. My graduation is this May. Originally, he was going to come here and be here for my graduation and things. Then, he had trouble finding a job, and didn't have the money to book such a trip. I decided that I would try to visit him, depending on how my school loans and funding pan out at the end of April. It'd be my own little graduation present to me, I'd meet his family and friends and get a taste of his life.
As of today, he got a job!!! (A government lab job, just what he wanted!) Its only for the next 6 months, but its something. And he gets 20 days leave. After hearing this and celebrating with me for a few moments, my mother and aunt went "good now he can come here."
I just kind of looked at them like -.- I mean, seriously....they gave me a really hard time when I dropped the "I might go see him this May" bomb in the first place. My sister called me stupid for like 3 days and shouted at me whenever it came up that weekend. Nobody wanted to hear me out. My dad was the only one who didn't try to make me cry for it, he just said "Well that'd be the longest 8 hours of my life" (meaning while I'm in the air). My friends and most people in my age group are like "you should do it for you and for your relationship" and things. I have a family member who works for United, and she told my aunt to let her know when I was looking at going, because she has friends who she works with who go over all the time. So I wouldn't be traveling alone which is the biggest family fear ever, apparently. Everyone seemed to calm down after that...and it was becoming acceptable, even something worth joking about.
Now he gets a job and its like "good he can come here now" and its just frustrating! I told him about it and he was like "well you know I want to be there, so maybe we could do a week here, and a week there" I just don't know. I'm the kind of person who when someone says "you can't do that" I dig my heels in and prove them wrong. At the same time, I'm one of those people concerned with the happiness of everyone around me...and when the family's not happy...its not good. I'm 22, and an adult, but I feel like playing the "I'M OVER 18 SUCK IT MOM" card is a bit childish. I've always been able to reason with my family. He feels like maybe they didn't mean it as selfishly as I took it, because they knew how badly he wanted to be here to see me graduate. But the first thing out of their mouths was "you wont have to travel."
I don't want to ASK him to spend that $600 on a flight to come see me for 5 days, and then spend my own $600 to see him there for 5 days with a weekend of travel in the middle. It just doesnt seem fair to either of us... One of those days that he'd be here, Im spending all day in an orientation for my new school too. Factor jet lag into that and we wouldn't have a ton of "enjoying eachothers time," at least thats what I fear. Just me spending $600 to go there for 10 days...just seems more cost and time effective...isn't it? Shouldn't it be about US and not about my family? At the same time, he was here last, I don't want to ask him to come here every time without ever meeting his family and things...that'll get me the "worst gf ever" award for sure. haha. I already worry what his family thinks of me...lol.
I guess my big question is...what seems worth it? Do your families give you problems about the LDR travel? How do I talk to them and help them understand? I know they don't understand, and a lot of people are a lot of talk, and my family would love me anyways and all that mush...its just so frustrating when they get so ignorant and stubborn about me traveling abroad. Thanks.
As of today, he got a job!!! (A government lab job, just what he wanted!) Its only for the next 6 months, but its something. And he gets 20 days leave. After hearing this and celebrating with me for a few moments, my mother and aunt went "good now he can come here."
I just kind of looked at them like -.- I mean, seriously....they gave me a really hard time when I dropped the "I might go see him this May" bomb in the first place. My sister called me stupid for like 3 days and shouted at me whenever it came up that weekend. Nobody wanted to hear me out. My dad was the only one who didn't try to make me cry for it, he just said "Well that'd be the longest 8 hours of my life" (meaning while I'm in the air). My friends and most people in my age group are like "you should do it for you and for your relationship" and things. I have a family member who works for United, and she told my aunt to let her know when I was looking at going, because she has friends who she works with who go over all the time. So I wouldn't be traveling alone which is the biggest family fear ever, apparently. Everyone seemed to calm down after that...and it was becoming acceptable, even something worth joking about.
Now he gets a job and its like "good he can come here now" and its just frustrating! I told him about it and he was like "well you know I want to be there, so maybe we could do a week here, and a week there" I just don't know. I'm the kind of person who when someone says "you can't do that" I dig my heels in and prove them wrong. At the same time, I'm one of those people concerned with the happiness of everyone around me...and when the family's not happy...its not good. I'm 22, and an adult, but I feel like playing the "I'M OVER 18 SUCK IT MOM" card is a bit childish. I've always been able to reason with my family. He feels like maybe they didn't mean it as selfishly as I took it, because they knew how badly he wanted to be here to see me graduate. But the first thing out of their mouths was "you wont have to travel."
I don't want to ASK him to spend that $600 on a flight to come see me for 5 days, and then spend my own $600 to see him there for 5 days with a weekend of travel in the middle. It just doesnt seem fair to either of us... One of those days that he'd be here, Im spending all day in an orientation for my new school too. Factor jet lag into that and we wouldn't have a ton of "enjoying eachothers time," at least thats what I fear. Just me spending $600 to go there for 10 days...just seems more cost and time effective...isn't it? Shouldn't it be about US and not about my family? At the same time, he was here last, I don't want to ask him to come here every time without ever meeting his family and things...that'll get me the "worst gf ever" award for sure. haha. I already worry what his family thinks of me...lol.
I guess my big question is...what seems worth it? Do your families give you problems about the LDR travel? How do I talk to them and help them understand? I know they don't understand, and a lot of people are a lot of talk, and my family would love me anyways and all that mush...its just so frustrating when they get so ignorant and stubborn about me traveling abroad. Thanks.
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