What Would You Suggest?

[Zandria]

I want to visit my guy in October, since he has a home football game that I thought would be special to him for me to be there and watch him play. Also, I can hang out with him for a long weekend and meet his family and friends. He's really up for the idea, I just don't know how to go about it with my mother. She has this illusion that anyone I meet online can be a serial killer, and is afraid that if I travel to Iowa (I'm from Nevada), she'll have to find my scattered remains throughout the state, lol. She has access to my bank account, so she can see my purchase of plane ticket. She told me she'd be very upset if I went there, and that I should consider going with friends, or he should come down and visit me first. I guess I don't see what the difference is, of who sees who first, plus why should I drag my friends along, if I only want to spend time with him. All in all, I just want to see him. So what are your suggestions, I honestly don't want to go behind her back, but I feel like I just might have to.. /:

[snow_girl]

Try to look at it from your moms point of view. Her daughter met someone online whom she doesn't know. Her kid wants to take a plane to see this guy who is miles away where she has no control if a situation goes sour. I can understand how she might want to meet him first before you went to go see him, thats what the difference is. If you go there first she has no idea what this guy is like, by him seeing you first she could meet him and see that he is not some serial killer. Is there anyway that he can come see you before you go there? She only wants you to be safe.

[Zandria]

I understand that she wants me to be safe, I completely understand. Trust me, my mother and I have an amazing relationship, so going behind her back hurts me if I have to do it. The plan was for him to visit me this summer, but money issues have been tight for both of us, so fall is the best thing. And to add to that, I won't be in Vegas this fall due to me going back for college. I feel there has to be a way for her to feel comfortable with him, even though she won't meet him for awhile..

[snow_girl]

Could you have a few skype dates with him and your mom? She could meet him and talk to him a couple times that way before you went to see him. Does he live with his parents? Parents always love talking to parents. She could talk to them to make sure its okay for you to stay there with them, get some reassurance that everything will be okay if you go.

[Zandria]

That's a good idea! Thank you! My mom is just very opinionated and skeptical, so it will be hard to convince her, but I'm sure she'll cave in. He does not live with his parents during the school year, just for the summer, like me, lol.

[theyellowdart]

I was just about to suggest the whole meeting over skype thing myself.. that's the route that I would try, see if she'd be up for it and if it'd bring her some piece of mind.. i'm sure it'll help out a lot for her to interact with him face to face and see that he isn't some creeper.

[Zandria]

Did any of your family or friends think that your SOs where creepers or potential serial killers, lol, I'm curious? [:

[theyellowdart]

Well, i'm a 23 year old military man, so my parents aren't really too concerned with what I do I guess haha.. My mom is mostly just concerned with me giving her grandkids one day :P and my dad really just doesn't pay much attention to that kind of stuff anyway lol. My friends are all very supportive of it though, just so long as I am happy.

[Zandria]

Well I asked my mom if she would at least Skype with him, and she laughed and told me no, without even letting me explain or anything...I'm thinking I'm just going to have to go behind her back, what else can I do?

[Zandria]

Well, i'm a 23 year old military man, so my parents aren't really too concerned with what I do I guess haha.. My mom is mostly just concerned with me giving her grandkids one day :P and my dad really just doesn't pay much attention to that kind of stuff anyway lol. My friends are all very supportive of it though, just so long as I am happy.

I know my mom wants me to be happy, but I'm turning 20, sooner or later she needs to let me go, lol. I would be more optimistic about him coming to visit me while in college, but not all my friends see eye to eye, and I'm not too keen with their opinions, not that I should care. Two of my roommates completely understand, but my other one has no clue, and I'd rather not tell her, cause she'll tell everyone, and I'm not at that comfort level to tell everyone I'm in a LDR just yet.

[theyellowdart]

Well, hmm.. You know, I thought that exact same thing when I first went into my relationship with my lady.. I wasn't going to tell anyone at work just yet, I wasn't comfortable with it, I was afraid of what they would say, how they would act, etc.. but than the more I got to thinking about it I realized that I was being completely unfair. Mostly to myself. I love this woman, why should I try and hide that? I shouldn't. I should rock it, be proud of it, hell I should walk up and tell the lady at the grocery store if she were to ask (actually.. a few days before visiting my SO I actually randomly told the lady at the drive through for carls jr.).. so, I wouldn't be too concerned with people finding out about it, but again, its whatever you're comfortable with

[DropkickDisco]

If I was you, I'd ask her why she was so against meeting him on skype. Pretty much explain to her that she's putting you in a bad spot and that you want to make sure there's peace kept between her and your SO. Tell her that she can't say it's someone she doesn't know as an argument against it when she had an opportunity to speak with him.

[Zandria]

She thinks I'm crazy, just for wanting to visit him. And because of that she doesn't want to see him. I'm just hurt now, since I don't want people to judge me for my decisions, especially my family. I want them to like him, as much as I do.

[13000km]

I did the skype thing, not intentionally. I was on skype with him and my dad walked in so I was like this is my dad, daddy say hi! My mum didn't want to talk to him and every once in awhile tried to convince me that he wasn't who I thought he was. She eventually warmed up to him after skyping with me and him when I was in the states with him and when I came back from visiting him and has since spoken to him on skype. I hope your mum changes her mind. I wish you guys all the best! (: