Meeting customs in Europe?

Hi! I'm _ and I live in the US. I'm thinking of visiting Europe this summer to go see my boyfriend, but I had a couple questions regarding meeting customs.

Typically, in the US, this is what you do when you meet someone for the first time:

1. Make eye contact.
2. Introduce yourself (e.g. Hi, I'm _. Pleased to meet you).
3. Shake hands.

And that's it! Sweet and simple.

I was wondering: how does it work in European countries? I heard that sometimes you kiss people on the cheek, but I *believe* that's only done with people you know particularly well. My boyfriend is Dutch and lives in the Netherlands, so when I meet his family, I don't want to seem like a clueless American.

I'm also thinking of visiting Italy, Belgium, Germany, Austria, Switzerland, and possibly France.

Thank you for your time!

[mllebamako]

The best thing is to let the other person take the lead. It'll be pretty obvious if they're putting out their hand to shake or leaning in for a cheek kiss.

I have no clue about the customs in the Netherlands (I'll let someone else cover that ) But for France, usually if I'm meeting someone in a business context, we shake hands. If I am meeting a friend of a friend or a family member of a friend, then it's the double (or sometimes more) cheek kisses.

[milaya]

I think the kissing thing belongs more in the Southern part of Europe. At least in the north part of Europe (Scandinavia and etc) we don't really kiss when we greet people. It's pretty simple, like you wrote yourself: eye contact, shake hands and say your name. If you're more close to somebody you might hug. That being relatives and friends. Like my mother always hugs my SO for greeting and goodbye - though it's pretty foreign for him (being Japanese and all).
I think you'll be fine with hand shakes in the Netherlands, and like mllebamako said: just let people take the lead. Like your SO's mother or some of his friends may want to hug you, but you'll see it coming, so just return it. No big deal. I think the Netherlands are a lot like Denmark, but I not sure about certain things, so I'll let the Dutch people answer, but for now I don't think you'll run into that many kissers - at least I know it'll get awkward if you start kissing people here in the north XD. It's more France, Italy and the "warmer" countries XD

[lucybelle]

As mlle said- let them take the lead. Here in CR we do one kiss on the cheek when you meet or greet someone. But not always. You can also shake hands or just wave. Whenever I see someone I usually just wait for them to do something.

[ioanna]

The best thing is to let the other person take the lead. It'll be pretty obvious if they're putting out their hand to shake or leaning in for a cheek kiss.

enter side anecdote: i met someone here in the US and because i didn't want things to be awkward I let them take the lead. She leaned in so i prepared to kiss her on the cheek but she ended up hugging me and i ended up kissing her right behind her ear! very awkward moment but very funny afterwards.

[Dziubka]

I'm from a no-kiss-country too (Germany). When you meet someone new, you shake hands and introduce yourself. Friends give each other a kind of half-hug (i can't really describe it any better), but generally only if you know someone better.
In Poland it's three kisses (although sometimes if you know someone better, one will do) if you meet someone new. Some, especially older gentlemen, will kiss your hand.

Like the others said, let the other person lead. Plus seeing as you're obviously from a different culture, I don't think anyone would be offended if you get it "wrong".
I actually kissed my friend's boyfriend on the cheek today when seeing good-bye (I guess I have some kind of reverse-culture shock, after having been away for a year) and I don't think he took offense.

[Tooki]

It varies, a lot.

With the Netherlands, I dare say that a handshake is the safest option. Ultimately, you should let the other person lead.

[SJ22]

In The Netherlands it depens on how well you know someone or how close you are, but we kiss 3 times, starting on the right cheek.
This is a fun website for you to read: stuffdutchpeoplelike.com/

[Deleted]

Oh, I've read through that website! Cracks me up every time Thanks for linking me.

Thank you, everybody, for your help! Yeah, I daresay that a handshake is the safest, easiest, and least awkward option! Now to learn how to introduce myself in Dutch...:P

[SJ22]

Oh, I've read through that website! Cracks me up every time Thanks for linking me.

Thank you, everybody, for your help! Yeah, I daresay that a handshake is the safest, easiest, and least awkward option! Now to learn how to introduce myself in Dutch...:P

I'm Dutch and I even laugh at that website
We re not strange at aaaaaaaall

[Flo89]

Hey Lori! I would say that in this situation (you are not complete strangers haha), don't introduce yourself to him and definitely go for a hug! It's really the meeting custom for youngsters here, so I think a handshake would be more awkward... And since he knows who you are, leave out the: Hi, I am... So if you see him, walk up to him with a big smile and give him a big hug! (But definitely introduce yourself and give a handshake to anyone else, like the parents)

[Deleted]

Hey Lori! I would say that in this situation (you are not complete strangers haha), don't introduce yourself to him and definitely go for a hug! It's really the meeting custom for youngsters here, so I think a handshake would be more awkward... And since he knows who you are, leave out the: Hi, I am... So if you see him, walk up to him with a big smile and give him a big hug! (But definitely introduce yourself and give a handshake to anyone else, like the parents)

Hi Flo! Thanks for the reply That was very helpful! ^_^

I'd probably go for that! Not really sure if I should bother introducing myself in Dutch though...I'm awful at pronunciation. But I know for a fact that his brother's English isn't too great. XD

[Flo89]

Haha, but it would be really cute to try it in Dutch. You can type it in at Google translate and then use the speaker function (they read it out loud in the chosen language). Simple would be: Hallo, ik ben Lori. (Hello, I am) and then: Hoe gaat het? (how are you?)

Yes, it's very awkward if not everybody speaks proper English. My brother in law's and my best friend's English are really - seriously really - bad. But still they were able to communicate in a non-verbal matter, somehow it turned out to be quite funny sometimes! My English isn't perfect as well, and my bf is actually hoping that I'll make grammar mistakes when I visit in December. He thinks it's cute haha. Like: Can I make a picture? (We say it like that in the Netherlands!)
So don't worry, it'll be fun

[Deleted]

Haha, but it would be really cute to try it in Dutch. You can type it in at Google translate and then use the speaker function (they read it out loud in the chosen language). Simple would be: Hallo, ik ben Lori. (Hello, I am) and then: Hoe gaat het? (how are you?)

Yes, it's very awkward if not everybody speaks proper English. My brother in law's and my best friend's English are really - seriously really - bad. But still they were able to communicate in a non-verbal matter, somehow it turned out to be quite funny sometimes! My English isn't perfect as well, and my bf is actually hoping that I'll make grammar mistakes when I visit in December. He thinks it's cute haha. Like: Can I make a picture? (We say it like that in the Netherlands!)
So don't worry, it'll be fun

Oooh, thanks for the advice! Sometimes I spend my free time researching the Netherlands, haha. I learned some Dutch words and phrases and tried them on my SO e.g. 'Hoe gaat het?', 'lekker', and even 'dat kan niet'! Hahaha

I can say the first phrase, but being American, I find it incredibly hard to pronounce the 'g' and 'ch' sound in Dutch. I completely overdo it, or I sound like I'm choking XD They'd probably laugh. ^_^

And your English is very good, from what I've seen! You'll do fine. Although I will say, we Americans sometimes find grammatical mistakes endearing. Are you going to meet your SO's family?

Thank you again! ^_^ xxx

[Hollandia]

I spent about half my time over in NL with my SO. Here is my perspective as an American in NL:

We I first met my SO in person, it was a hug at the airport. Within a few hours we were holding hands and we progressed from there. He never did the three kisses to me, it was a real kiss and/or hug. I did not meet his friends or family until we were pretty serious and all of them gave and still give me the three kisses. I asked him about it and he said that it is something that close family and friends do. Men and women do it to to women but men don't do it to other men unless they are very very close such as their father or BF. His brother does it to me, but they don't do it to each other. They both do it to their dad. Same with all his buddies, they do it to me but they don't do it to each other and they have all known each other for many years. If I meet a stranger over there I don't offer any handshakes I simply smile and say Hallo. I always make sure to be polite and say thank you and your welcome.....dank u ( if formal) dank je ( if casual) and alstublieft. I find that if learn a few words at first it is appreciated much.

Most of the people you meet can speak English but not all. I have run into a more than a few elderly (his grandmom)and young alike that really don't speak it very well. I find that the further away from the bigger cities you go, the less English is spoken. In Rotterdam pretty much everyone speaks English but in his home town in Zwijndrecht the tanning salon I use is full of girls that can barely speak it. The language is Dutch and so even though his entire social circle all speak English fluently I still spend much of the time trying to pick up words as they go on and on in their native language. I really need to start studying it more but I find it very frustrating at times. It is really an experience to be somewhere where most everyone can understand you but you can't understand them. When I am in a movie theater or a cafe full of people the chatter in the background is lost on me. In America I can pick up on 50 different parts of conversations and I think this is a bit of a culture shock factor. You will find yourself tuning it out without even trying.

I find that the Dutch people are more affectionate than the average American if they know you well. Most people I have met have been very nice and seem to have a lot of curiosity about USA. It is a bit daunting to go to the more "local" places like the grocery store where they seem almost annoyed at times if you don't speak Dutch. I know enough words to get through the lines and read what I need but I still feel very out of place in the average Jumbo or Albert Hein. They really don't spare words and can be quite blunt at times even from the first moment you meet them compared to what you are used to in America.

It is an amazing country full of some wonderful people and very diverse and multi-cultural. Enjoy.