FINALLY TALKING SERIOUSLY ABOUT MEETING

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

Finally, after almost 4 years, he is thinking seriously of meeting me. He told me last night that he wants to visit me. He said it's a dream of his, a big dream, and he doesn't want me to be too disappointed if he can't make it happen. I told him wanting to is half-way there, and he said, Yes, I'm half-way there.

I know he has been concerned about the costs, the finances to do it. I am on a fixed income, Social Security, but I have a small inheritance from my mother's death last year, and I have started saving for future travel, for my own passport, visa, etc. down the road. Would I be out of line to offer to help him with his expenses, at least for his airfare, so we, together, can make this happen? We have already talked about where he would stay, and that is no problem, because I have my own apartment. But, I know how expensive airfare is, and I would like to help him. We are in this together, after all.

[Hollandia]

Finally, after almost 4 years, he is thinking seriously of meeting me. He told me last night that he wants to visit me. He said it's a dream of his, a big dream, and he doesn't want me to be too disappointed if he can't make it happen. I told him wanting to is half-way there, and he said, Yes, I'm half-way there.

I know he has been concerned about the costs, the finances to do it. I am on a fixed income, Social Security, but I have a small inheritance from my mother's death last year, and I have started saving for future travel, for my own passport, visa, etc. down the road. Would I be out of line to offer to help him with his expenses, at least for his airfare, so we, together, can make this happen? We have already talked about where he would stay, and that is no problem, because I have my own apartment. But, I know how expensive airfare is, and I would like to help him. We are in this together, after all.

If you can help him after four years I would certainly do it. Yes, you are in this together. He can stay with you so find out his airfare and create an arrangement as to how much you each pay. He can call it a loan if it hurts his pride, no biggie. Me and my SO take turns as we can to pay for everything. That is what partnership is all about. Check for off season, off hour flights, look for Tuesday or Wednesday and try a search engine like Kayak by changing alternate airport and date flexiblity. I don't know what part of USA you are in, but maybe you will lucky and find a flight for 1500 or so. I hope you get to see him soon.

[dglynn77]

Yay!!! Such exciting news!
I think old-school mentality says "make him climb the highest mountain and swim the ocean unassisted to prove his love to you," however nowadays that is rarely financially possible. I know most couples here put their money together for visits as plane tickets are super expensive and it's worth it to be able to see each other.
If you want to help him and it won't hurt you financially to help him be able to come and see you, then absolutely help him! Although you should know that sometimes irat visits don't go as planned and you may feel your money is wasted after the visit. Hopefully not the case but something to consider as you will be putting money into this.

[differentcountries]

Glad to hear the news By all means help him fiancially if you can afford it. After all, it will not be "his" travel, but a joint effort to see each other. Use search engines to find the cheapest flight, try to be flexible on when you will travel. I don't know if it is available in any of your countries, but here you can sometimes pay your flight later (which is exellent for someone who travels as much as I do).

[Ahava]

I am very glad to hear you are thinking of finally meeting!
I don't think it would be inappropriate for you to offer to help.
Hope it will work out

[NerdyChick]

Oh that is so fantastic! I am so happy for you both! I agree, help him out if you can. The trip is in the best interest for the both of you, and your in it together. Partners in life.

[conejita_hada]

That's wonderful. Yes, I concur with the other posters if you're able to, offer to share the ticket cost. Not everyone is the same but I know I would be forever grateful if my SO was able to help with ticket costs. I hope this happens for you both!

[piratemama]

That's great. No, it isn't out of line to help. I think many of us work together on the costs of trips to visit with out SO's. My SO and I kind of halved the expenses of our first visit, but we didn't keep a tally. I know I'd pay the whole costs to see him, if I had it and he didn't. I'm sure he'd do the same. When you care for someone, money isn't the issue. You do whatever it takes. Sometime in the future, he might need to do the same for you. I hope it works out.

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

So, I'm thinking maybe instead of our usual texting/Twitter, etc., it would be best to discuss this further on Skype. And I'm also going to get out the work book and check over the lesson about visiting, planning trips, etc. and use that for discussion, next time we are on Skype. But, I wonder if I should let him take the lead in the discussion. I don't want to push or pressure him, as I did once before, when I invited him, and he soon got cold feet and backed out. I mean I want to encourage him, not scare him away, especially since he's the one who brought it up this time.

[piratemama]

So, I'm thinking maybe instead of our usual texting/Twitter, etc., it would be best to discuss this further on Skype. And I'm also going to get out the work book and check over the lesson about visiting, planning trips, etc. and use that for discussion, next time we are on Skype. But, I wonder if I should let him take the lead in the discussion. I don't want to push or pressure him, as I did once before, when I invited him, and he soon got cold feet and backed out. I mean I want to encourage him, not scare him away, especially since he's the one who brought it up this time.

I see what you mean. It could be difficult to handle in just the right way, but you will do fine. The idea of starting with workbook is an excellent way to lead into the discussion. It's also a good idea to do this over Skype, because you can watch his facial expressions and body language. You could also suggest that you want to help with the costs as a gift to him and to yourself. It's easier to accept a gift than to accept a financial handout. You make it a birthday gift or something else that would work. I don't know about letting him take the lead, because he might not go in the right direction, but you could try and change the course of the conversation as needed. Good luck! I hope it works out.

[squeeker]

I'm happy for you that he is wanting to make it happen! I agree that it isn't out of line to help out if you are able to. I've helped my SO with money more than he would have liked, just because for awhile I was better off financially. Now he's had to help me a bit, and we go back and forth, I don't keep a record, I think couples share money when the can anyways, and sometimes one person is paying more than the other. I think after 4 years you know him well enough too that he is who he says he is, especially since you skype, so I don't think you have to worry about that either. But using the workbook and coming up with a good plan that will be good for you both will be nice. I hope you can meet soon!

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

I like the idea of making it a birthday gift, or just a gift in general, and it would be a gift to both of us. It could even be an anniversary gift, because our anniversary is on his birthday. And I'm thinking we need to set the date before I give him the money for it. And I know I will have to be a little realistic about it, and not expect it to be too soon, because it will have to be when he has some time off from work, and it will take time to get his passport, visa, etc. But if we actually have a date planned, even tentatively, it's something for both of us to look forward to. Like a countdown, like I see so often on this forum.

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

I see what you mean. It could be difficult to handle in just the right way, but you will do fine. The idea of starting with workbook is an excellent way to lead into the discussion. It's also a good idea to do this over Skype, because you can watch his facial expressions and body language. You could also suggest that you want to help with the costs as a gift to him and to yourself. It's easier to accept a gift than to accept a financial handout. You make it a birthday gift or something else that would work. I don't know about letting him take the lead, because he might not go in the right direction, but you could try and change the course of the conversation as needed. Good luck! I hope it works out.

I like the idea of making it a birthday gift, or just a gift in general, and it would be a gift to both of us. It could even be an anniversary gift, because our anniversary is on his birthday. And I'm thinking we need to set the date before I give him the money for it. And I know I will have to be a little realistic about it, and not expect it to be too soon, because it will have to be when he has some time off from work, and it will take time to get his passport, visa, etc. But if we actually have a date planned, even tentatively, it's something for both of us to look forward to. Like a countdown, like I see so often on this forum.

[jana89]

It is fantastic that you could meet finally I am really happy for you and I would absolutely encourage you to start the discussion about possible financial help from your side. I agree with others, it is not just for him, it is something both of you will benefit from My SO is working, while I am still a student, but we always share the expenses - when I visit, I pay for food, because I stay at his apartment and when he visits, I pay for his accomodation. It works well, I actually think your SO will appreciate the offer. Anyhows, the best of luck and keep us updated

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

So here's an update. It looks like we will be one of the long-term LDR couples. Guess I'll join that group next year. We talked about meeting in the future, last night, and I asked him if he was serious about it, and he said yes, and it will be possible after he retires in two years. So finally we have a time span to work with, and I can work on some real goals, and have something to look forward to. Two years is quite doable. After all, we have come this far, four years, a day at a time. And I can think of a lot of things I can do to keep busy and be happy with my life during the times he can't be online with me. This will give me time to build up my savings, too, which will help a lot when the time comes. I feel really good about this.

As things develop or change, I will keep you all updated here. Thanks so much for the support, encouragement, and helpful ideas I get in this group. I so appreciate it.