his first visit-scared to death

[miza]

we first met last autumn. it was our first in person meeting after 10 months of friendly, "let's know each other" talking and it was brief . back then i was very relaxed since i wasn't invested. but since then things have been said, emotional connection has been established...just those things haven't happened in person. i have been so composed all this time but now that he is to come here for the first time...i'm losing my comfortable composure. a lot of anticipation has been built and although, or maybe because, i am not 18 i am scared to death...

any insight and support? thank you

[squeeker]

First thing, relax! You've had a first visit already, so you know each other's physical appearance even more than can be said by pictures and skype. I know for the visits with my boyfriend, each time I see him again, it feels like each visit is even more intense than the last, because we have connected and grown even closer, and gotten even more comfortable with each other.

Though I don't know how much help I will be right now because all of our visits were after we had already decided to be in a relationship, though our first one back in November 2010 was just at the start of our declared relationship so it was a lot more casual, though our shortest visit out of them all.

I think the biggest thing is to relax. You have seen each other before, the person you have talked to and gotten more attached to is still the same person, and you will meet up again and it will likely just be reaffirmed how much you love each other. Try and think of everything you are excited to do together. Or if it feels like you are putting too much pressure on the visit, maybe try talking about doing less, keeping it a bit more casual. You can always do the other things you want to do, but make sure there isn't more pressure than needs be. I think it's hard in a long distance relationship because it's not as gradual of a build up.. it's gradual when you are talking online but then you meet and there might be more expectations to take things faster and say more and do more.. but just take it at your own pace.

I think the biggest thing is to relax though, calm down, and think about why you are excited.. I was most nervous for my first visit, and by the time the visit rolled around, I was more excited than nervous (though I was still nervous).

I also understand it could be like a first meeting with the anxiousness because it sounds like it's been awhile since that first meeting when you were just friends.. but just relax.. also I don't know how long it is til the time you meet but just try and get excited for everything you will do together, but maybe don't schedule too many activities, or more calm ones so you can take things easier.. and video chat as much as you can so you can see each other's faces as much as you can and get used to each other again before the visit. Just try and relax.

[miza]

schedule activities? with 2 jobs and a child? my life is already scheduled
he either fits in, or....there is nothing i can do...it can't always be holidays. i'll take some free time for him, but...after all i can't cange my life.
i think moments of nervousness and excitment will alternate till he comes...but my composure is back now[at least for the moment].

and i also think i'll gently talk with him about my nervousness...he'll calm me down.

thanks alot for your supporting opinion

[squeeker]

schedule activities? with 2 jobs and a child? my life is already scheduled
he either fits in, or....there is nothing i can do...it can't always be holidays. i'll take some free time for him, but...after all i can't cange my life.
i think moments of nervousness and excitment will alternate till he comes...but my composure is back now[at least for the moment].

and i also think i'll gently talk with him about my nervousness...he'll calm me down.

thanks alot for your supporting opinion

haha yeah I guess I didn't mean the day to day life activities but like don't schedule too many things like going out to all these places.. but seeing as you have two jobs and a child, I think you aren't going to have to worry about that.. though it will probably be good for you both if you can ease up on the job a bit.. as much as financially possible, so you can spend time with him. I can see why you'd maybe be more stressed now too because having a child would make everything even more stressful, and two jobs.. so I guess most important is the relax bit. And that is a good idea for you to talk to him about your nervousness because he can try and help you calm down, and also then he will know you will be nervous and he is likely nervous too. And also since you sound like you will be working, if you can make a list of things that he might be interested in doing while you are working then that might help as well.

Good luck, I'm sure it'll be good.

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

schedule activities? with 2 jobs and a child? my life is already scheduled
he either fits in, or....there is nothing i can do...it can't always be holidays. i'll take some free time for him, but...after all i can't cange my life.
i think moments of nervousness and excitment will alternate till he comes...but my composure is back now[at least for the moment].

and i also think i'll gently talk with him about my nervousness...he'll calm me down.

thanks alot for your supporting opinion

How far away is he? How long will he be staying? Will he be staying with you, or at a hotel?

With 2 jobs, and a child, will you have any alone time at all, to be with him? If you can't find time to take him site-seeing around town, or go out to eat with him, or something you both enjoy, I hope you can at least watch Netflix/DVD movies at home in the evenings with him. You might even have a family movie night, or game night with your child, depending on your child's age.

You have seen him once already, so things should be fine, whatever you plan.

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

haha yeah I guess I didn't mean the day to day life activities but like don't schedule too many things like going out to all these places.. but seeing as you have two jobs and a child, I think you aren't going to have to worry about that.. though it will probably be good for you both if you can ease up on the job a bit.. as much as financially possible, so you can spend time with him. I can see why you'd maybe be more stressed now too because having a child would make everything even more stressful, and two jobs.. so I guess most important is the relax bit. And that is a good idea for you to talk to him about your nervousness because he can try and help you calm down, and also then he will know you will be nervous and he is likely nervous too. And also since you sound like you will be working, if you can make a list of things that he might be interested in doing while you are working then that might help as well.

Good luck, I'm sure it'll be good.

I agree, if you can afford it, and can get away with it, it might be good to slack off a bit on your work schedule, so you can spend some quality time with him. That is important for your relationship, too.

[miza]

i think we pretty much solved it...we'll have some days halfway...i felt it was too soon for "family gathering". most probably that's why i was so panicked.

thanks everyone