Meeting for the first time and getting married??!

[leapyear07]

Hi guys,

Need some insight on this. My boyfriend and I have known each other for like a couple of months and he's planning to come over in October. I was really excited to see him for the first time. But I'm having second thoughts because he wants to get married when he comes here.

I really don't know what to do.

I feel like am I being scammed or something?

[Redheart14]

I'd suggest you take it slow! That (to me) sets off alarm bells the fact he wants to get married already ( that could just be me). Have you met in person before? If he really loves you, he'll be happy to wait. If you don't feel comfortable you need to tell him before he arrives so he doesn't get the wrong idea. Marriage is a huge step, I would get to know him well first before I'd get married (but that's just me). Listen to what your gut is telling you. If he loves you he'll wait.

[TaraMarie]

Seriously! You've known hoping for a FEW months and you are getting married? That's crazy! Don't do it! You KNOW you don't wNt to or you wouldn't be asking for advuce,

[Hollandia]

I will respond as a mother and as a twice divorced person. Don't do it. Don't even think about it. There are laws in many countries that prevent this from happening. This would be the worst mistake of your life and you are right to assume that you might be getting used or scammed. I hate to suggest this, but please make sure you meet him with others around because that is a huge red flag. HUGE.

[Kristin91]

Woahhh you've only known each other a couple of months, have never met, and he wants to get married? Tell him that you're not ready for it (if you were, you wouldn't feel like you were being scammed...), and if he truly loves you then he will understand and wait for you to be ready.

[Petals]

I have a friend who got married 6 years ago during her first meeting with her SO. We all thought she was crazy, but they had been communicating daily for 8 months via skype, she had met his family and was comfortable taking that step.

It worked out for them, BUT I think they got lucky!

As other posters have said, it is NOT wise to make such a major life commitment so quickly. What's the rush?

[Dezface]

Do not even consider this. That's beyond insane. Even if it's not a scam (which it may be,) it's a horrific idea. I'd be extra wary of this guy.

[Redheart14]

Sounds like you've made up your mind already, saying you have second thoughts and you feel you're being scammed. Proceed with extreme caution.

[Hollandia]

Is he planning on moving to Thailand to live with you there? Is he talking about moving you to USA? Does he just want to be married and still live apart? Did he ask about you doing anything financially together? Have you discussed how hard it is to move to USA after when married? Or what would be needed to be done for him to move to you? Do you have the funds to live together? Are you ready to have children? Does he have a steady job in USA? Do you have one in your country? Who will be the bread winner if you have children?

These and a hundred other questions you should know the answer to before you marry someone. This is why you don't just marry someone you have been dating online for a few months from another country.

[squeeker]

AHH don't do it!! If you've only known each other 2 months.. and October is only 2 months away... that's 4 months, not long enough to know if you found the person you want to be with, even if you were in the same city in my opinion. Though I'm sure some people do it, but who knows where those relationships are now. I am all for the going slow route, I think it's much much better to take your time, get to know each other, solidify your relationship and friendship with each other, understand what you both want in the future.. look through the requirements for visas you will need to close the distance, and how much savings you will need... and so many other things you need to know... there shouldn't be a rush. Please please be careful and be safe!! If he cares about you and wants you long term, he should be willing to wait. There shouldn't be a rush to get married that has a good reason that I know of!

[Ahava]

WHY does he want to get married?

[TwoThree]

A good reason would be him being on the run from legal problems in the US and wanting to settle abroad. One of many, many possibilities.

As others said, it would be absolutely insane to agree. In fact I recommend breaking up because it's totally creepy and nothing good would come out of this.

[leapyear07]

We'll be meeting for the first time in October. I'm really feeling iffy about it cause you possibly can't marry someone you've known for a couple of months. Thanks for the advice!

[leapyear07]

WHY does he want to get married?

He wants to get married cause he wants to settle down and have kids. He's already 42. I don't think he's running from the law because he plans us to be based in the US. I'm just confused and I don't want to let him down cause he'll be flying for 12 hours and the cost of the tickets and the hotel. I agree I think it's a really bad idea if I push through with the wedding!

[leapyear07]

Seriously! You've known hoping for a FEW months and you are getting married? That's crazy! Don't do it! You KNOW you don't wNt to or you wouldn't be asking for advuce,

Thanks! I'm really feeling iffy about it!