New Years Kiss?

[Peanut_]

So my boyfriend and I just met up for two weeks after a year of no physical contact, my parents set the time limit. We promised each other that we wouldn't leave it for another year and we are planning to meet up for New Years.
Only problem is that I know my parents would be devastated because it's the Christmas holidays and that is "family time, our time". I wouldn't miss Christmas with them but we seriously do f*** all for New Years so I thought it would be a good compromise. But now I'm really scared to ask them because I'm so sure they will say no and I don't want to disappoint my boyfriend again.
He said that he would be willing to come to me if we needed that and usually he says in my house in my sisters room. But I do to know how they would react to that either. I'm torn. I was hoping any of you lovely people would have some advice for me? That would be seriously great!! Thanks in advance!

[differentcountries]

Why do you feel the need to be with your parents on New Years eve? In our country, noone between the age of 16 and 35 would ever dream of spending New Years with their parents, even if they live at home - that is the time for friends and lovers, not family time unless you are a child.

[Peanut_]

My parents get their holidays then and are so busy they want to send the whole time with myself and my sisters. I just want to go away for a week to Germany. They think all time is family time, which is seriously annoying, I'm almost 20. Wish they could see me as an adult.

[p_b82]

I guess now that you are 19, you are technically allowed to do what you want - but you do need to balance your relationship and your family, but not always make it one sided. Been there and regretted it!

If they say no what are they going to be able to do to stop you, and do you want the conflict if they do?

If it were me I'd tell them that was what I wanted to do, and say would you rather he comes here or I go there. that let them know you want to do it either and it gives them some control of the situation.

[JaneEmily]

My parents get their holidays then and are so busy they want to send the whole time with myself and my sisters. I just want to go away for a week to Germany. They think all time is family time, which is seriously annoying, I'm almost 20. Wish they could see me as an adult.

You need to assert yourself. My SO had this problem where his family harped on him all the time to spend those times with them, when he wasn't interested in their partying (he doesn't like drinking, nor getting drunk add the fact he is allergic to alcohol so him being around drunk people would just agitate him) and he started putting his foot down saying that it's not what he wants and he'd like to spend the time talking to me during those times as we've never got to spend Christmas/NYE together yet (but this year we finally are).

You just need to say "Mum, Dad - I know that we spend these moments together, but I'm getting at the age and the stage of my relationship where I'm adult enough to make my own decisions. I'll spend Christmas with you, but I'd like to go to spend a week around NYE with my boyfriend as it'd mean a lot to both of us. I want to be a bit more independent, I know you're probably worried about me but I've been in this relationship for nearly/over 2 yrs (looking at when your relationship began and depending when you say it to them) and I think I can handle this with my boyfriend as we're both adults. I love you both and I love our family time, but I just need some time spent with my boyfriend on a special occasion if you can handle that. If you feel uncomfortable with me going to Germany, my boyfriend can come over to us and we can all spend the time together as a family and as a couple if you'd feel more at ease."

Something along the lines of that. It's assertive, but it also considers their point of view. Good luck!

[Mims27]

I had the exact same fear about Christmas. Until I asked my mom recently how she would feel about me being with my SO's family one year. She said she doesn't care as long as she's not alone at Christmas. Which is fair, who would want to be alone on that day? I would never do that to her. As far as New Years goes, who cares, go for it. What's the big deal about that day anyway. Maybe it's just me, but it's a day like any other. (most the time I'm in bed before 12am anyway lol) I think you being there for Christmas and away for New Years is a great compromise. You're 19 and allowed to make your own decisions. And you are doing it the mature way. Talk to them about it! It's worth a shot right?

[BlueCat]

Three years in a row I spent Christmas overseas with my fiance's family, instead of my own. I did miss the feel of Christmas at home, but for me it was important to be able to spend time with my fiance, and since over Christmas is when my long Uni holidays were, that's when I traveled to the USA. I don't really remember asking about it, I probably cleared the first trip with my mum, but I'm not sure that I asked if it was ok to be away at Christmas, that was the time I had to travel, so that was when I went. At that stage, I was also 19.

I completely understand the need to compromise with family time, my family has been big on that too over the years, Christmas and Easter, but you just get to a point where you need to compromise, and also realise that you have your own life to live as well as spending time with family. I don't see any reason as to why they should object to the New Years trip, explain to them why it's important to you. I'm sure they will try to tell you that family time is important, but you need to remind them that your boyfriend is part of your family now too, which is why it's so important you see him at that special time of year. That's really all there is to it in my opinion, your boyfriend is family.

[snow]

Ask them anyways and talk it out with them. Parents are people after all and if they like your SO, I don't really see a problem with it. For Christmas it could be an understandable problem, but for New Years it might be okay.

[Moon]

Why do you feel the need to be with your parents on New Years eve? In our country, noone between the age of 16 and 35 would ever dream of spending New Years with their parents, even if they live at home - that is the time for friends and lovers, not family time unless you are a child.

When are you going to learn to stop expecting other countries to be the same as Norway?

OP, I understand where you're coming from. Your family is going to have to realize that you aren't a kid anymore, and that you will spend some holidays elsewhere. When you get married, you have to split them, most of the time! I think being there at Christmas, but not New Years is a good compromise, and it'll help get them used to the idea that you've grown up and things will be different now. You could always promise to give them a quick call a few minutes after midnight, we do that in my family still, and us "kids" are in our 30's and 40's By about 3am, my parents, brother, sister and I have all said "Happy New Year" to each other. It's OK to like your family, and it's also OK to want to spend New Year's with your boyfriend. Don't be afraid of them saying no, just don't give them the option Tell them politely, but firmly about your plans, and don't use language that sounds like a question. Good luck.

[differentcountries]

When are you going to learn to stop expecting other countries to be the same as Norway?

I think we all to an extent we all expect other countries to be like ours, that is an universal fault of thought that even Americans suffer from at times. Anyway, in this case it seems there seems to be a universal agreement that adults are not obliged to spend New Year's with their parents.