Thank you for opening this and reading.
I did post my story recently so I won't go into too many specific but I suppose a quick recap would help. I met J online, she's a great girl and we couldn't help the feelings we had for one another. She had always known she had feelings towards women but had never acted on it because she strongly believes its against her faith. We have tried numerous times to move on from this but we just could not explain the connection we shared and how much time we used to invest in this.
Anyways, we decided to meet. I landed Thursday evening and it is now midday Saturday. Although we often expressed via text and Skype how we so badly wanted one another, we didn't act on it in person. the first night in bed she told me how she felt that she liked me so much and that it was difficult for her, I told her that my own insecurities came to the conclusion that she was potentially friend zoning me. she told me I couldn't be more wrong and that if anything her feelings were stronger for me. On friday we had a great afternoon, we talked some more on this topic and she told me how she was fighting all these urges. She's exceptionally shy when it comes to anything physical, but she knew i respected her beliefs and boundaries therefore I would never initiate something. Last night it was her who kissed me and we cuddled.
Now today, she's a 4th year med student and working on her residency app. We discussed yesterday that today we would do it. I helped her some, then she sent it to some friends and her mom to look it over and has spent I dunno the past 2 hours or more doing it.
I don't know why I just feel lost feel sad. All i want is her, I love our connection. It is crazy how our online friendship/ relationship very easily just transferred into real life. Maybe I feel neglected, i dunno. I'm not sure because my fav thing about her is her drive and her ambition. As a lawyer, I completely understand the value of education and understand sometimes you do just have to put the hours in. I don't want to feel like I'm carrying the burden but I suppose I am, or maybe I'm just being a girl and allowing myself to feel all emotional. Thats the other thing I don't want. I don't wanna have problems or issues or come across passive aggressive in any way whatsoever. Its just, who would choose to be in my shoes? Where the woman you love, literally cannot make up her own mind. she clearly said last night she feels like having a relationship with a woman is wrong however she doesn't know if she can move on from me without giving it a shot or being with me in some ways.
She's done with her app and is n the shower right now and i know once she's out, we'll be fine and it'll be better. Also, if someone makes your nervous thats a good thing right? with other people I've never been shy or found it difficult to be physical, but with her I struggle. Why is that? I definitely don't believe its because of lack of feelings, I have never loved someone more than I love her. Is it because naturally she is very closed and not open with her feelings or very forward that I find it difficult to take the plunge? Because I'm not getting the signals? no matter how much someone tells you they like you, if their actions don't show it, is it too difficult to believe?
Saying that though, I do believe she loves me. After all, the few things we have done have been initiated by her. She treats me well, is attentive and caring. She has opened her home to me and has been nothing but amazing, always.
I just had to vent somewhere, to someone.
I did post my story recently so I won't go into too many specific but I suppose a quick recap would help. I met J online, she's a great girl and we couldn't help the feelings we had for one another. She had always known she had feelings towards women but had never acted on it because she strongly believes its against her faith. We have tried numerous times to move on from this but we just could not explain the connection we shared and how much time we used to invest in this.
Anyways, we decided to meet. I landed Thursday evening and it is now midday Saturday. Although we often expressed via text and Skype how we so badly wanted one another, we didn't act on it in person. the first night in bed she told me how she felt that she liked me so much and that it was difficult for her, I told her that my own insecurities came to the conclusion that she was potentially friend zoning me. she told me I couldn't be more wrong and that if anything her feelings were stronger for me. On friday we had a great afternoon, we talked some more on this topic and she told me how she was fighting all these urges. She's exceptionally shy when it comes to anything physical, but she knew i respected her beliefs and boundaries therefore I would never initiate something. Last night it was her who kissed me and we cuddled.
Now today, she's a 4th year med student and working on her residency app. We discussed yesterday that today we would do it. I helped her some, then she sent it to some friends and her mom to look it over and has spent I dunno the past 2 hours or more doing it.
I don't know why I just feel lost feel sad. All i want is her, I love our connection. It is crazy how our online friendship/ relationship very easily just transferred into real life. Maybe I feel neglected, i dunno. I'm not sure because my fav thing about her is her drive and her ambition. As a lawyer, I completely understand the value of education and understand sometimes you do just have to put the hours in. I don't want to feel like I'm carrying the burden but I suppose I am, or maybe I'm just being a girl and allowing myself to feel all emotional. Thats the other thing I don't want. I don't wanna have problems or issues or come across passive aggressive in any way whatsoever. Its just, who would choose to be in my shoes? Where the woman you love, literally cannot make up her own mind. she clearly said last night she feels like having a relationship with a woman is wrong however she doesn't know if she can move on from me without giving it a shot or being with me in some ways.
She's done with her app and is n the shower right now and i know once she's out, we'll be fine and it'll be better. Also, if someone makes your nervous thats a good thing right? with other people I've never been shy or found it difficult to be physical, but with her I struggle. Why is that? I definitely don't believe its because of lack of feelings, I have never loved someone more than I love her. Is it because naturally she is very closed and not open with her feelings or very forward that I find it difficult to take the plunge? Because I'm not getting the signals? no matter how much someone tells you they like you, if their actions don't show it, is it too difficult to believe?
Saying that though, I do believe she loves me. After all, the few things we have done have been initiated by her. She treats me well, is attentive and caring. She has opened her home to me and has been nothing but amazing, always.
I just had to vent somewhere, to someone.
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