First-time meet in home country or new country?

[Freebird]

Me and my SO are planning a trip to Amsterdam! I've always wanted to go and, him being in the UK, will hopefully make it easy for him to get to. We planned on several visits this year but they, very sadly, fell through for one reason or another. May is far but as I am now in school and he is going on vacation elsewhere during Xmas, it is the soonest we can visit.

After the failed visits, it has to happen. I love him dearly but I'm not sure if my heart can stand to stretch it out any longer.

He wanted to come over here first but just didn't seem to be able to stick to a plan, so I'm going to Europe and we will meet in Amsterdam. Neither of us have been there and this is our first meeting.

However, I wonder if that's really a good idea or not... meeting for the first time in a place that is foreign to both of us. I guess it has some pros and cons. Since it's new to us, we we get to see a new culture and experience something awesome together. Then again, we will both be out of our element!

Curious on what others have to say!

[Redheart14]

I guess in the ends its up to the both of you. I'd go to him or have him come to you, if I were in that situation. It's a lot of money for both of you to fly to Amsterdam. Then you'll have to pay accomation too. At least in your home countries you'll have free accomodation and you'll know your way around depending on which of you is hosting the other. Money wise I think it's be easier that way, but that's only my opinion.

[Freebird]

I guess in the ends its up to the both of you. I'd go to him or have him come to you, if I were in that situation. It's a lot of money for both of you to fly to Amsterdam. Then you'll have to pay accomation too. At least in your home countries you'll have free accomodation and you'll know your way around depending on which of you is hosting the other. Money wise I think it's be easier that way, but that's only my opinion.

That is the bad thing about it... expensive. I'm spending a good chunk just on the ticket. His is cheap. As far as accommodation, hostels are cheap but not romantic! His original plan was to come down here and I was all for that, but it just wasn't working out. He also didn't seem comfortable with me coming to him which I found odd, but he claims his town is boring. I kind of had to take over the planning because we weren't getting anywhere.

[squeeker]

I think it's a good thing in your case. Because you haven't been able to arrange a visit yet.. and you will be doing two things you want at once, visiting Amsterdam as well as meeting your SO.. and your SO will likely enjoy seeing Amsterdam as well and gets to meet you. The cons are of course extra expense and both being out of your element, but the pros are that since both of you are out of your element, you are on equal footing more.. so maybe that will be a good thing.. and you can explore a new culture together. I'm sure it will be great no matter what because you will finally get to meet.

Though I know it was better for my SO and I to meet in his home country.. well one thing, I actually did want to go to the UK before I met him, and it just made sense for us. Though one day we want to go outside our home countries. I think meeting in a different country could work well though.. especially since a first visit tends to be shorter anyway, so even with any extra costs, it'll be okay. And you could potentially even start out in Amsterdam and then go into the UK .. depending on how long you can book off time from work or if you are in school and when you go, how much money you have, or he has, etc.

Either way, any way, as long as you get to meet, that will be great! I hope you can arrange something soon!!

[Ahava]

That is the bad thing about it... expensive. I'm spending a good chunk just on the ticket. His is cheap. As far as accommodation, hostels are cheap but not romantic! His original plan was to come down here and I was all for that, but it just wasn't working out. He also didn't seem comfortable with me coming to him which I found odd, but he claims his town is boring. I kind of had to take over the planning because we weren't getting anywhere.

This looks like a flag to me and it might be red.
He doesn't want you travelling to him? Is he hiding something?

EDIT: Oops I must have pressed ctrl+C instead of B. Had been looking at holidays LOL

[Redheart14]

that does seem odd that he doesn't want you to go to him.

[TaraMarie]

I agree....I thought red flag, too. So what if his town is boring. Get in the car and go somewhere fun! What happens if you get to Amsterdam and he doesn't show up. You said previous trips fell through...... I hope that's not the case, but keep it in mind.

[Freebird]

Hopefully Amsterdam doesn't fall through. If so I'll be enjoying it by myself!

Yes, I will admit that it's a bit weird. I asked about it several times and aside from his town being boring, other reasons are often along the lines of, "I'm scared you won't like me and then you'll have wasted a trip". Perhaps it has to do something with his family... he has told me outright that he has not told his family about us because they are "nosey" or wouldn't understand. I think he called them weird one time as well. It does worry me a bit, but to be honest, I try to pick my battles and not to stress out about it.

Everyone that's close to me knows about him, because I love him and am proud of being with him. A part of me wants to keep pressing the issue, but I think he'll do it when he's ready. I talk to him daily, all day through text and phone as often as possible. I don't think he's dishonest at all... just a little unorthodox in his way of doing things. If after our visit (which will hopefully take our relationship to the next level) he still doesn't tell his family about me, or want me to visit his hometown, then I will start to be a bit more concerned.