What do you do to make your visit special?

[FloridaLovesChicago]

Sorry if there is a thread like this somewhere...I didn't see it if there was =)

I was just wondering what special things everyone did to make their visits extra special? Obviously the situation/where you are/etc etc play a role in what you can or cannot do but if you're going to one another's homes, what do you plan for?

I'm leaving in 6 days to finally see him again after three long months and I'll be staying at his house. I've never been there, we've only gone on vacation together - so we've never been in a "home" with one another.

He has to work a few days while I'm there - he works crazy shifts. He's a warehouse manager for a very large company and has to get there before the trucks arrive - around 3:30 a.m. I'd love to pretend I was going to wake up and cook him breakfast on those days - but lets be real...Its probably not gonna happen lol

So my thoughts are this - I make sure he comes home to a beautifully cleaned home and the smell of a home cooked meal - probably lots of warm soup dishes since he's in Chicago and it's gonna be cold! We stayed in a suite in Orlando before and I cooked all of our meals - he loves my cooking and can't stop talking about it...so I think this is a nice start considering he eats nothing but take out food - 3 times a day!

But other than that, I'm at a loss! He has his ideas - but they mostly involve us going places and doing "relationshippy things" (as he puts it lol)... I want him to understand how much I appreciate this visit, and appreciate being able to be a part of his life. I dont need to do anything huge - he loves the simple things.

Post some ideas, please! I already planned to leave him little gifts/letters/treats, etc before I leave, hidden around his house where I know he'll find them doing his daily routine...that way when I'm gone, he'll still feel me there! <3

[differentcountries]

Sorry if there is a thread like this somewhere...I didn't see it if there was =)

I was just wondering what special things everyone did to make their visits extra special? Obviously the situation/where you are/etc etc play a role in what you can or cannot do but if you're going to one another's homes, what do you plan for?

I'm leaving in 6 days to finally see him again after three long months and I'll be staying at his house. I've never been there, we've only gone on vacation together - so we've never been in a "home" with one another.

He has to work a few days while I'm there - he works crazy shifts. He's a warehouse manager for a very large company and has to get there before the trucks arrive - around 3:30 a.m. I'd love to pretend I was going to wake up and cook him breakfast on those days - but lets be real...Its probably not gonna happen lol

So my thoughts are this - I make sure he comes home to a beautifully cleaned home and the smell of a home cooked meal - probably lots of warm soup dishes since he's in Chicago and it's gonna be cold! We stayed in a suite in Orlando before and I cooked all of our meals - he loves my cooking and can't stop talking about it...so I think this is a nice start considering he eats nothing but take out food - 3 times a day!

But other than that, I'm at a loss! He has his ideas - but they mostly involve us going places and doing "relationshippy things" (as he puts it lol)... I want him to understand how much I appreciate this visit, and appreciate being able to be a part of his life. I dont need to do anything huge - he loves the simple things.

Post some ideas, please! I already planned to leave him little gifts/letters/treats, etc before I leave, hidden around his house where I know he'll find them doing his daily routine...that way when I'm gone, he'll still feel me there! <3

We are the oposite....We have never been on vacation together! I have always gone to his home or wherever he has been - friends, family, hotels and finally our own rented flat. All the places we have been exept the hotel we cooked together (missed that terribly at the hotel). The flat we rented has been the most "home" we had since we had all the space to ourselves and noone to think about exept the neighbours. We usually go out to eat once a week (I am there for about a week), the rest of the time we cook or take takeaway (the takeaway food in Turkey is amazing). We have been out clubbing/gone to a concert twice. We both like to ride bikes, so we have done a lot of that, both for practical reasons (we usually go on the bikes to buy food) and for the fun of it. We sometimes go to cake/dessert places. A thing we have done a lot, is simply to walk in the parks/on the beaches in the afternoon. We have smoked waterpipe. At his mother's house we picked oranges and fed the ox and the cows. We both love cats, and Turkey is full of street cats, we have a favourite who practically lives with us now. We have been to the movies once. Sometimes we watch tv together, movies or stand-up. In summer he had a day off where we spent most of it on a boat, that was great. Once we attened a wedding together (his colleague got married, actually it was a LD marriage). We also love to sit on our balcony and listen to the night, perhaps have a drink together (or tea, or milkshake), and talk about our day or thoughts or future plans.

I have played the housewife game, too. It is pretty fun for a while. We moved into the shittiest flat you can imagine without it being smelly. I cleaned and cleaned and cleaned. Then I washed our clothes, I washed the flat, I went grocry shopping etc. I have the housewife gene to an extent. I changed the table cloth several times a week. I also love to do everyday stuff with him, like going to the market or to the grocery store.

I have often brought him books, letters etc. on arrival or given them to him on departure. We also have a relationship book where we fill in information about ourselves and the relationship. Since we share a flat, I also leave a lot of my stuff behind, like clothes - which makes so that he "lives" with me even when I am not there.

[rhabdoviridae]

What about packing him a lunch for work the night before and leaving a cute little note in it? For simple pleasures, go grocery shopping together, visit a craft fair (big around the holidays) or cut down a Christmas tree forthehouse an decorate it for the holidays. Have a nice visit!

[Petals]

Hmmm...we don't do anything 'special' while being together at home. We do what comes natural as it is important that our compatibility is measured early as our relationship is moving quickly with fiance visa application in January.During our first visit we went to New York together and did touristy things and went to Broadway. We did romantic cruise and had dinners in fancy restaurants but we know that won't be our everyday life ...just occasional happenings.


I don't make breakfast for him, because he's capable of doing that himself and he wakes up at 4am most days and there's no way I'm getting up at that time (a few times got up early with him but only to watch World Cup together lol). He actually takes me coffee when I wake up. I make sure he comes home to dinner most days but sometimes we cook together because though he works hard and long hours he likes us to do mundane things together. He does his own laundry and I do some of the house cleaning; his housekeeper does the rest.

We go about our regular work schedule with calls/text home during the day. No love notes etc. lol. We had a 2 months long visit and he worked 7 days per week (half days on Weekends) because that's what our life will be like when we are together and we need to see how well we cope. I helped out in his office and visited construction sites with him and do everyday mundane things. I accompanied his mom to doctor visits and spent time with her after her surgery. She's amazing.

This visit we will be hosting Christmas dinner for his family and doing some more mundane things lol

Sorry my post is so long...I guess I wanted to give another perspective in relation to making visits special. I don't think it's necessary to do things that you wouldn't normally do if you were living together. I think it sets up unrealistic expectations for how your life together will be. Do things that you would do naturally...you both need to see the 'real' you. IMO visits aren't special occasions (except 1st time meeting); they are trial runs for your life together. Just my 2 cents.

[differentcountries]

Petals, you are right that routines are a big part of life, still unless people are working long hours 7 times a week all year, also in daily life there will be room for the special things. My CD husband still writes me love letters, and we go on dates. I am also glad that the first couple of visits with my SO focused on sightseeing and the lighter shades of life, because in his season we have little time for each other (and certainly no housekeeper) so it was good to have those memories (also, we prioritized going on dates despite the lack of time) . In our case, he will not have his job as a future career, so we don't know what our future life together will look like. We just tell each other that since we have managed through both the fun and the hardship we have learned a lot about how we function together.

[Petals]

Petals, you are right that routines are a big part of life, still unless people are working long hours 7 times a week all year, also in daily life there will be room for the special things. My CD husband still writes me love letters, and we go on dates. I am also glad that the first couple of visits with my SO focused on sightseeing and the lighter shades of life, because in his season we have little time for each other (and certainly no housekeeper) so it was good to have those memories (also, we prioritized going on dates despite the lack of time) . In our case, he will not have his job as a future career, so we don't know what our future life together will look like. We just tell each other that since we have managed through both the fun and the hardship we have learned a lot about how we function together.

I certainly agree with you that there will be special occasions. What I referred to is making an effort to do special things during visits. If it is normal for you to write love notes then IMO that is fine for you. However, if it's not something that you would naturally do as a part of your everyday life then I don't think it should be done during visits so visit can be special. It's like someone who doesn't normally keep her house clean goes out of her way during visits to keep the house clean; then when distance is closed he finds out that she's a slob.

Going on dates is normal part of everyday life, so I expect that to happen. That isn't special to me. I would feel tricked if my SO does romantic things during my visits because he's trying to make the visit special, then when we close the distance that side of him is nowhere to be seen.

[Miasmata]

I like a healthy mix of mundane and special. I don't plan anything for us on the visits that we wouldn't enjoy once we will live together, but I do try to make the most out of our time. I like hanging out and being chill together just as much as being out and about with him, so I keep a balance. I like going for things that he said he's never done or that he would really like doing. Surprises can be neat and all, but I'm terrible at them - Not only do I have trouble keeping myself from dropping too many hints, I also just like being sure that I'm planning something he will definitely enjoy. We've seen musicals and been to the zoo together. I think on the next visit, I'll look up if there are any interesting exhibitions at the museums. Being in a big city definitely helps, there is always something to do.

I also like surprising him with wearing a particularly nice outfit when I pick him up at the airport, and having food ready when we get to my place. Again, nothing I wouldn't do CD, but I like using the visits as a special occasion and inspiration.

[differentcountries]

I would feel tricked if my SO does romantic things during my visits because he's trying to make the visit special, then when we close the distance that side of him is nowhere to be seen.

I am quite sure that if/when me and SO close the distance, he will not spend all day doing sightseeing with me, like he did one of my first visits. I think that really goes without saying. He will neither have the time nor the energy. But also, I am aware that neither me nor him knows how he is "really" (cd) like as a boyfriend. He has never had a proper girlfriend before me, and certainly not a cd girlfriend. So it is not like he knows how he does cd boyfriendship but acts differently with me. And I think that relationships in part is like that for everyone. Even if you, like me, has got a lot of relationship experience, we don't neccesarily know how we will behave in this specific relationship in the future. Right now, when we are LD/only part CD, I do a lot of special things for him, like make him cards/ books/special surprises. I have never done that before. Will I continue to do so when we go CD full time? I have no idea, but most likely not. CD I will not spend forced time away from him to miss him so much, and in a small flat it would not be so easy to hide from him what I was making! I am also extremely clean on visits; washing out flat and all our clothes right away - I am not that neat at home. Will I be neat like that in the future? Who knows. It also depends on the flat - the flat I rent with him is very practical compared to the one I have in Norway.

To me, the everyday life is not a reference point - everyday life is the future, and the future you make together, not knowing forhand what it will be. Being different LD vs CD doesn't neccesarily mean that you are tricking anyone, but that different things are important in the different contexts. If that is a problem to the other person, they can say something about it, but changing doesn't mean that you are making a fool of the other. Visits are like a concentrated relationship, it can't show all sides of a person.

[Petals]

I am quite sure that if/when me and SO close the distance, he will not spend all day doing sightseeing with me, like he did one of my first visits. I think that really goes without saying. He will neither have the time nor the energy. But also, I am aware that neither me nor him knows how he is "really" (cd) like as a boyfriend. He has never had a proper girlfriend before me, and certainly not a cd girlfriend. So it is not like he knows how he does cd boyfriendship but acts differently with me. And I think that relationships in part is like that for everyone. Even if you, like me, has got a lot of relationship experience, we don't neccesarily know how we will behave in this specific relationship in the future. Right now, when we are LD/only part CD, I do a lot of special things for him, like make him cards/ books/special surprises. I have never done that before. Will I continue to do so when we go CD full time? I have no idea, but most likely not. CD I will not spend forced time away from him to miss him so much, and in a small flat it would not be so easy to hide from him what I was making! I am also extremely clean on visits; washing out flat and all our clothes right away - I am not that neat at home. Will I be neat like that in the future? Who knows. It also depends on the flat - the flat I rent with him is very practical compared to the one I have in Norway.

To me, the everyday life is not a reference point - everyday life is the future, and the future you make together, not knowing forhand what it will be. Being different LD vs CD doesn't neccesarily mean that you are tricking anyone, but that different things are important in the different contexts. If that is a problem to the other person, they can say something about it, but changing doesn't mean that you are making a fool of the other. Visits are like a concentrated relationship, it can't show all sides of a person.

To each is own . I know what is important to me and my SO, therefore I was sharing my experience. Our visits are as close as possible to our everyday life and don't do anything we wouldn't do on a normal basis. How I treat him now, is how I would treat him when we are CD and I ask that he does the same. For example, he's a neat freak and so am I. I cannot be with a someone who does not put things away as soon as they use them nor clean up after themselves. If he pretends to be a neat freak I would feel tricked when we are CD and that would cause major problems. It is extremely important to us that we be ourselves as much as possible and not try to impress too much.

Do whatever works best for you.

All the best.

[AnnMarie Green]

It's kind of funny... Right now, I live near the beach, (which HE loves, and I love because I grew up in the water..), and he lives in the mountains, (which I love, and we both love them equally, I think).. Soon we will be closing the distance, and we will be living in the mountains in Pa... But for our visits we like to walk in the woods, hike, walk the miles of beaches, and watch shows and movies that we love.. All the same things we will continue to enjoy once together everyday!! Blessings everyone!!