First time visiting and sex???

[MochaLatte]

Ok, so me and my SO have been talking for a while now. I plan to go see him in a few weeks. But the problem is I don't know how I feel about sleeping with him the first time we meet. I mean, by all means I WANT to but is it right to sleep with someone the same day you meet them? That just sits weird with me. I don't know if it's an after effect of society drilling DOs and DON'Ts down my throat but I wanted to know what you guys thought. Did you sleep with your SO the first time you'll met in person?

[differentcountries]

You are legal and already dating him. İf you feel comfortable sleeping with him and him you then why not?

[80anthea]

Have you actually talked to him about sex at all? When I first met my SO we'd known each other about 6months and later on in this time sex became a very common that we talked about so it was pretty obvious that we'd have sex when we first met. In reality we actually went out for dinner first when we first met and then had sex that same evening, it just felt a natural thing for us to do and we were both comfortable doing that.

If it sits weird for you then maybe it's not for you, so don't feel like you have to do anything.

[bubblehits]

I have to say I did sleep with my SO the first time I met him (literally 10 minutes after i walked in the front door) but we had talked about it a lot before we met and we had done things over skype so we both felt comfortable getting into something when we met.

If you don't feel comfortable doing it when you first meet then don't, if you talk to him about it I'm sure he'll understand.

[p_b82]

I didn't when I met my ex for the first time, because we had discussed we wanted to make sure there was a spark between us that was not clouded by the happy emotions that sex releases - we did fool around a bit on the last night I was there and mutal orgasms were reached.

Talk to your partner beforehand though, and make sure you are happy with whatever happens, it is nothing to ashamed of or upset about either way. If the relationship is on for the long haul one missed opportunity is not going to matter much in the grand scheme of things...

[MochaLatte]

Thanks for all the advice guys. To answer some questions:

Yes, we speak about sex. We spoke about sleeping together when we met (because we both want to).

Honestly the only thing that makes me uncomfortable is how other people will view me if I do. "You really slept with him on the first date" kind of thing. I'll be staying at my family members house while I'm in town cuz I have family in the same state. We planned on going out to eat then back to his place. We both want me to spend the night but I really don't want to hear it from my family when I get back to their house. Me and my family members are really close so I know they'll bring it up. I'm a grown woman yet my mom still treats me (and all my older siblings) like we are 10. I just want to avoid the judgement and a speech. My mom is big on religion, I am too but I obviously don't care like she does. Maybe I should talk to her before hand? Let them her I'm spending the night? (everyone knows what that means)

[TaraMarie]

Tell her you want some time together! I had sex with my SO the first time I met him. I hadn't planned to....it just happened! And I am glad it did!

[R&R]

No matter how close you are with your family, it comes down to it really is none of their business. You are not required to tell them anything. This is your life and your decision. You shouldn't have to base your actions with your SO on what others will think.

My SO and I did have sex the first time we met. We'd been together a total of about a year (between the first & second round of dating) and we knew it was going to happen. We met on Valentines Day and did go to dinner first and then back to the hotel. We spent a lot of that weekend at the hotel LOL.

[snow]

Thanks for all the advice guys. To answer some questions:

Yes, we speak about sex. We spoke about sleeping together when we met (because we both want to).

Honestly the only thing that makes me uncomfortable is how other people will view me if I do. "You really slept with him on the first date" kind of thing. I'll be staying at my family members house while I'm in town cuz I have family in the same state. We planned on going out to eat then back to his place. We both want me to spend the night but I really don't want to hear it from my family when I get back to their house. Me and my family members are really close so I know they'll bring it up. I'm a grown woman yet my mom still treats me (and all my older siblings) like we are 10. I just want to avoid the judgement and a speech. My mom is big on religion, I am too but I obviously don't care like she does. Maybe I should talk to her before hand? Let them her I'm spending the night? (everyone knows what that means)

This is not your first date, you have been dating for a while. I had the same concerns, but the first time I met my man in person was after being together for 10 months, that's 10 months of waiting :P

[whatruckus]

What does it matter what people think of you? You're in a relationship. I know people who sleep with someone different every other weekend (booty calls, one-night-stands...etc). Also, how are people going to know unless you tell them? It's your life, your relationship. I didn't tell anyone my SO and I had sex the day we became official (after we had a few dates and were talking for a month). Some people might say that it was soon, but guess what? I don't really care. It made me happy and it made him happy. All that mattered to us was each other. That was also the first weekend I slept over his house (and ended up staying for about a week). None of my friends judged me. My family had an issue, but I did it anyway.

And, your family needs to realize you're an adult sooner or later.

[MochaLatte]

Thanks everyone. Really great advice. You all are right. I'm concerned about things that do not really matter. I usually seek my mother approval when I date. (Imagine all your friends hating your BF. It's like that crammed into one person). But if sleeping with him is the only reason she won't like him then I call that a win. My mom is weird like that haha, but I love her.

Anyway. Thank you guys so much. I should do what I am comfortable with and not base my actions off what other people think. Living a life like that will make a person miserable.

@snow, that's exactly what he said when I bought up the subject of sleeping together. Months and months of waiting is not fun.

@whatruckus, and to answer the "how will people know unless I tell them?" question. Well, when I go to FL to visit my family I'll be staying at their house. If I leave, stay over my SO's house and don't some back until the nest day then people will assume that we slept together. Or knowing my mother, that's the conclusion she'd draw.

Once again thank you everyone. This community is great. I always feel welcome and here. Thank you.

[lucybelle]

I slept with my SO on our first date. And we didn't meet online. (aka- I had only known him for a few hours)

[snow_girl]

I slept with my SO on our first date. And we didn't meet online. (aka- I had only known him for a few hours)

You hussy!

[whatruckus]

@whatruckus, and to answer the "how will people know unless I tell them?" question. Well, when I go to FL to visit my family I'll be staying at their house. If I leave, stay over my SO's house and don't some back until the nest day then people will assume that we slept together. Or knowing my mother, that's the conclusion she'd draw.

Still, big deal? If that's the conclusion they want to draw, and think of you that way, then let them. That's on them. Not you. For all they know, you really didn't sleep together and actually SLEPT (with your eyes closed, next to each other). It's their own minds and imaginations that come up with whatever they want. If they want to come up with inappropriate situations (inappropriate meaning that it's none of their business), so be it. What's the worst that could happen? Oh no...you're an adult! You did an adult thing! ::GASP::

It's really time that women weren't shamed for being sexual.

[Ella85]

It's an individual decision and really no one else's business. My family we're a nightmare to start with (not to do with this particular subject) but once they have seen how happy I am with him especially after I got back from meeting him they have realised I will do what I will do and I should follow my dreams and have even told me this. You only live once and it's your life. Tell her that it's personal and a topic that is not open for discussion.