Stuck between a rock and a hard place

[mlm2013]

So, my boyfriend and I have been together for a little over 2 years. He is the sweetest and most thoughtful guy I've ever met. We skype everyday, and are rockstars with communication. Whenever we have a disagreement, we can always talk it out. He lives in the UK and I live in the US. He finally has a chance to come visit this summer for the first time, but for some reason I get so worked up and nervous when he mentions it. We've always talked about it but now that it's an actual possibility I don't know what to do. Even though I'm almost 20, my parents are totally against us meeting, and against me talking to him in general. They don't even know how serious we are about each other. They're just looking out for me, but they won't even hear what I have to say about him. I know that if he came, they'd try to stop me from seeing him, and there's no way they would let us get a hotel or anything like that. In addition to that, my boyfriend is starting at a new university this fall, and I am torn about him sacrificing the possibility of meeting other girls with whom he could have a normal relationship. He says he doesn't want anyone else, but I know it will be hard and I don't want to waste his time or hold him back. Because of this and the situation with my parents, I have kind of shut down and don't know how to handle it. I love him but I don't know what to do.

[GunnerGirl95]

I was exactly the same when I first met my boyfriend (he's in the US, I'm in the UK). He came over to visit me and I was so ridiculously nervous, about seeing him and especially about him visiting my family. You're almost 20, so at the end of the day, it is your decision about what you want to do. I worried about my Dad not liking my SO, but once they'd met and they got to know each other, they started to get along really well. You just have to show your parents that he really means a lot to you and that you are serious about him and once they meet him, I'm sure that they'll understand that and they'll start to accept what you two have.
Also, regarding the University subject, I'm in my first year at University and my boyfriend's in College - I was worried about the exact same thing - him possibly finding someone else who he could have a 'normal' relationship with, but the truth is, if he cares about you that much and loves you as much as he says he does, he wouldn't do anything, so you just have to trust him. Stick it out! If he's worth it, it's worth doing
P.S. I really hope the first visit goes well!

[p_b82]

I am sure that some others will give advice on the parental side of thing, but from my perspective I would say you need to work out a way to talk to them about this. You are an adult by law and while people are looked after for a lot longer, it is essentially your life and there are some mistakes/experiences that you need to make yourself. Work how how you want to approach this and have a talk with your folks - but do it from an 'adult' perspective and get them to tell you their concerns and try to allay them etc, don't just rush into it with a ' i am going out with this guy and you can like it or leave it' type attitude or you'll get nowhere. Often the best way to be treated like an adult is to act like one I found (at a young age too)

RE the actual relationship - if you do not *want* the relationship then end it, but don't do it for some noble idea that the other party will be better off. They picked you, if they wanted the 'easy' option they could and would have picked it already

[snow]

I completely agree with p_b82. Your parents are looking out for you, so give them the peace of mind that this guy is not as bad as they think he is. You will have to talk to them, multiple times and work through their issues. My parents weren't thrilled that I was dating an American who is 8 years older than me, my dad even said if I visited him, I would not be his daughter anymore, but through months and months of talking and explaining and being open about our relationship, they finally accepted him (and now even love him!)

If you are serious about this relationship, and he is too, then give your parents the opportunity to meet him, have a little get together where they can talk to him and find out what they need to find out to feel less scared of having you run around with him.

[whatruckus]

I agree with everyone else.

Have you tried getting your parents to talk to HIM? Have them talk to him on the phone, or Skype, or something? So they can get to know him?

Also, do you live at home? Do you pay rent? Car insurance, anything like that? If not, find other ways to pick up things around the house, if you do live at home. It sounds like your parents think of you as a kid still (which everyone's parents do), but you need to start showing them how mature you are. You're almost 20. You're legal. You're allowed to make your own decisions, regardless of what your parents think. And, if they don't know how serious you guys are, then they're not going to take your relationship seriously. I've mentioned to my parents that we would like to definitely move in together some day, and possibly get married. They see that we're serious, even though they don't know my SO that well.

Talk to them about your SO more, tell them about his life, what he does, where he lives...etc. Bring him up in conversation more. If they see how interested and in love you are with him, maybe it'll soften their views, because again, they'll see how serious you are.

And, don't think he's going to run off with some other girl. The more you put that thought into your head, the more you'll believe it, and the more you won't trust him and push him away. Lots of people go away to school and they don't cheat on their SO's. I know a lot of people that I graduated with who were dating, and went off to different colleges. Some of them lasted, and some of them didn't. It depends on your relationship. If you believe your relationship will work, and keep up the communication, IMO, you'll be fine. Also, 2 of these couples are now engaged.

If, it turns out things don't work out for you and your SO, at least you'll know you tried. If you break it off now, just because you are afraid, you'll never know and be left with the "what ifs".

[mlm2013]

Thanks everybody!
I know he wouldn't cheat on me, it's just the fact that I don't want to hold him back from certain things. But, I know he wants to be with me and I'm really lucky to have someone so loyal.

-whatruckus I'm a junior in college so I'm just at my parents house for the summer (which is when he would come visit). My parents pay my bills, but anything else like clothes, food, things with friends, I pay for myself. My mom actually messaged him about a year and a half ago, and she seems more open to it but my dad says he has nothing to say to him.