Just came back from my first visit!

[Emilia2]

Hey guys!

So I just came back from my first visit. Because of my SO's work situation, I was only able to visit for about a day (Saturday around noon to Sunday around 10). It was an AMAZING trip, and I loved every minute I got to spend with him.

Does anyone have any advice on how to cope for the first few days after a visit? Even though I was with him just this morning, it feels like we've been apart weeks and I already miss him like crazy.

(Because of his work circumstances, he is only able to call on weekends and text sparingly throughout the week, so any advice that doesn't involve calling or a lot of texting would be greatly appreciated! In my situation I'm gonna have to get creative!)

Emilia

[Ella85]

I cried for a month straight after I got home. Lots of movies (best to stay away from tear jerkers) and running helped me a lot. I distracted myself with other things and eventually you get back into routeen.

[Wolv]

I returned to the United States from my first visit to meet my SO last April 10th and up into about this month it's been difficult for both of us. Before I left my SO had decided she wanted to stay in Manila to find a job since there are no jobs in her small province, she had been offered by friends to stay with them until she is able to get on her feet. I had met both friends and they seemed really nice; promised they would take really good care of her after I had left and all these other lies but at the time I felt comfortable and had no issues with her staying there.

After I left and came back state side my SO was able to find a job working as a sales rep for a large mobile and internet service provider. I was happy she was able to find work quickly however things quickly spiraled downhill. The people she was living with are poor so they do not have furniture. They just have a small table for a TV and a karaoke/DVD player with stereo speakers to sit on. They also have plastic stack-able totes for their clothes and a laundry basket and a few other smaller items. Because I didn't want my SO to have to sleep on the floor I purchased a simple foam mat for her to be able to sleep on since her friends had their own. I found out after I left that the "friends" were forcing her to use this mat to divide the room in half forcing my SO to sleep on the hard wood floor and blocking the air from the fan (no air conditioning) causing my SO to wake up from sleeping on the hard floor as well as the hot air you find in the tropics in general. This would happen almost every night, although there were some nights they completely kicked her out of the room and she was forced to knock on other residence doors to ask to sleep on their floor.

Also after I left I found out that her friends would not always bring food home at night, they would eat out and not think to bring her anything so she would go one or two days without food. This also happened when she first started her job, they wouldn't give her any money for food during lunch at her job. She was also never given any money for transportation to and from work, she was being forced to walk 5 miles/8 kilometers a day. When the friends did bring food home, no matter how tired my SO was from working a 9 hour day and walking all that distance, unless my SO cooked the food they wouldn't eat. The friends were also lazy to boil water for coffee in the morning or put rice in the rice cooker. They wouldn't clean the room or ever do any of the dishes. My SO had a miscarriage while living in Manila.

My SO didn't tell me about the way she was being treated right away but I definitely knew something was wrong when I returned home. I thought it had to do with me being forced to leave her and come back here and I'm sure that was part of it because I also felt that. Once I found out about the way she was being abused and treated I sent her money and continued to do so until she was able to get her final pay from her job there and she told me she was ready to return home, at which point I booked a flight the following day and got her out of that situation. Now that she is back home with her family things are going a lot better. Instead of her being negative and depressed 24/7 things have improved a great deal.

There's still some hard times we've been having because of the distance but for the most part we are both feeling happy again and looking forward to my next visit later this year. My SO didn't want to return home because she is unable to find work there and help her mother with medicines and such but I've promised to send her money for this and to take care of her cell phone bill each month instead of her working herself to to death for what amounts of $50 USD A MONTH working her ass off for a corrupt internet/mobile provider in the Philippines. I have $50 to send her as soon as I've worked 4 hours on any given day. I have no problem being able to pay for her mothers medicines and her phone bill or anything else she might need. She just really likes to be able to take care of herself and she has never asked me for money, that's why she was so reluctant to leave even though the people she was living with and that job would have eventually killed her from exhaustion or a heart attack (my SO needs a replacement valve, open heart surgery) from all the daily walking (she only had one day off work).

[R&R]

I honestly think the best thing is to throw yourself back into your own personal life and things that don't involve your SO. If you come home and spend all your time thinking about the fact that you are apart and how miserable it is - you're going to be unhappy. Focus on the positives and don't let your emotions take over.

You're going to miss your SO, that's a given. Use that "missing" him feeling in a positive spin. Start planning some small things you may want to do for him. Write him a letter when you are missing him. Maybe do some "open when" letters you can leave for the next time you visit. A lot of how you deal with this is going to be your attitude about it.