First Visit Soon(AFRAID)

[JayT517]

Hello, my name is Justin and I am 17 years old. I have been talking with my SO for about 1 year online and we have talked almost every single day for hours at a time. She is very beautiful, smart, and kindhearted. She is also skinny and is about 5'9". Every single time that we talk, we make each other giggle, laugh and make each other incredibly happy. I love her with all my heart and my heart belongs to her. The reason that I'm making this thread is because I am scared. I am 5'11", 260 pounds and am very insecure about myself. We still have yet to even video call with each other because I'm afraid of what she'll think of my looks. I have depression, anxiety and PTSD and those don't help at all in this situation. My overall personality is outgoing, energetic, and humorous. Does anyone have any suggestions on what I should do?

[Ella85]

She'll love you for who you are. You'll be fine i do understand as have a stress and anxiety disorder. You'll get though it and once you have met it'll be so much easier. My boyfriend knows i am insecure about my weight and is very supportive with my running.

[MarsDamnSure]

I can relate to this, I am very conscious about my weight and appearance, or I was until I met Bridgette. I, too, suffer(ed) with depression and anxiety, some of which stems from my weight and appearance. She is beautiful, tall, really small and I had the same worries as you. But, you love her and she loves you. Ask yourself, would her weight or appearance matter to you? I bet it wouldn't and I bet it wouldn't to her either. You talk for hours a day, every day so she is clearly as into you as you are to her. That is the beauty of long distance relationships/those founded online etc, you fall for the person, not the looks.
I told Bridgette my fears and anxieties, she had the same ones as me and I was like "WTF?! You're freaking stunning!" and im sure your SO will feel the same about you. What we did was end each other goofy photos, ones where we are pulling faces and stuff, showing us at our "worst" which cracks the ice a little and takes away some of the anxiety.

I really cant recommend enough how powerful and amazing it is to express the fears and anxieties with your SO. It brings you both closer together and offers reassurance.

Wishing you the best with it. You're energetic, humorous and outgoing and she is clearly into you, try and enjoy the time together when you do. I understand that even after talking you will probably till be anxious (I was too) but when you are together you'll both be so excited that you will not think about it as much.

[Alsfia]

My SO was really shy and insecure about his looks when we met, too. In fact, the first time we exchanged pictures with each other I sent him a pic of me at a bar (I think it was, at least...) where all of me was showing, and he sent me a picture of him... skiing. With helmet and glasses on, big bulky jacket and trousers and everything It still makes me laugh thinking about it. The first time we Skyped he spent nearly the entire call behind a pillow. When he finally felt like he could handle letting me see him, I thought he was the most attractive person I had ever seen. I still do, and have done when he's been chubby as well as in great shape.

Point is, you don't have to be a model, you don't even have to be confident in how you look all the time, you just have to be you. You can always try Skyping with the cam off while talking about it and then switch the cam on when you feel comfortable. Or you could treat it as a plaster that needs changing and take a pic and send it to her before you have time to change your mind

[differentcountries]

I think actually big boys have an advantage over big girls in this respect. Boys can use their size to make women feel protected - especially if they are smaller and tinier -, for women that is less of an option. Yes sure, personallity matter, but lots of girls are actually into bigger size - they think it is sexy. The things you dislike about your body may turn her on. I would very much advice you against you going int this thinking "she may notl like my body but I have a great personality". Then you are shutting yourself off from the option that she might be really into you!

My husband used to be bigger. There are things I miss from him from before he lost weight, even if it was not that healthy, fat can be very esthetically and physically pleasing.

Yes, and I used to be clinically obese. Guess who cared about me loosing weight when I did? Straight girls. And doctors. Not my husband, straight guys or others who thought I looked hot. There are some days I miss my old body, too. My knees have gotten very skinny and are not as pleasing to touch. I did not become happier or a different person loosing weight, it just got a bit easier to move around. So, I am happy that I hoped for nothing more to come out of it. If you are considering to change your diet or workout or stop overeating or find out why you got so big (I had gut problems, by the way. Vegetables got me fat), that is wonderful, but really the main thing for you to focus on is finding out who you are and stop being ashamed to show yourself. Because shame has a smell, and it rubs off. Shame lies in the heart of this. You don't have to be pretty in the eyes of everyone to matter. You just have to find yourself beautiful and find someone who sees that in you too, body and soul.

[MarsDamnSure]

I think actually big boys have an advantage over big girls in this respect. Boys can use their size to make women feel protected - especially if they are smaller and tinier -, for women that is less of an option. Yes sure, personallity matter, but lots of girls are actually into bigger size - they think it is sexy. The things you dislike about your body may turn her on. I would very much advice you against you going int this thinking "she may notl like my body but I have a great personality". Then you are shutting yourself off from the option that she might be really into you!

My husband used to be bigger. There are things I miss from him from before he lost weight, even if it was not that healthy, fat can be very esthetically and physically pleasing.

Yes, and I used to be clinically obese. Guess who cared about me loosing weight when I did? Straight girls. And doctors. Not my husband, straight guys or others who thought I looked hot. There are some days I miss my old body, too. My knees have gotten very skinny and are not as pleasing to touch. I did not become happier or a different person loosing weight, it just got a bit easier to move around. So, I am happy that I hoped for nothing more to come out of it. If you are considering to change your diet or workout or stop overeating or find out why you got so big (I had gut problems, by the way. Vegetables got me fat), that is wonderful, but really the main thing for you to focus on is finding out who you are and stop being ashamed to show yourself. Because shame has a smell, and it rubs off. Shame lies in the heart of this. You don't have to be pretty in the eyes of everyone to matter. You just have to find yourself beautiful and find someone who sees that in you too, body and soul.

Best. Answer. Ever.

[JayT517]

Thank you so much for everyone for all of the amazing answers, I truly appreciate it! It's just that throughout high school I was bullied and that really damaged my self-esteem and it's been hard to repair it. My anxiety makes me overthink stuff and I constantly think, "she may lose feelings for me when she sees me..". I know that's bad to think, but I can't help but to think that.

[LivingInWonderland]

Thank you so much for everyone for all of the amazing answers, I truly appreciate it! It's just that throughout high school I was bullied and that really damaged my self-esteem and it's been hard to repair it. My anxiety makes me overthink stuff and I constantly think, "she may lose feelings for me when she sees me..". I know that's bad to think, but I can't help but to think that.

Don't worry. She's going to love you just as much as she does now, if not more. Trust me.... I speak for many many many girls when I say that looks are the last thing about a guy that matters. It's what on the inside that counts. And I'm sure no matter what, you are always going to be very attractive to your SO.

I have a lot of insecurities as well. It took me two months after we first started talking, for me to even show my boyfriend a picture of myself. And it took another couple months for me to show my face on Skype. I spent the entire three months before I met him in person, worrying about pretty much the same things as you. I am on the short side. I'm only 5'3", and I got it into my head that he was going to think I was too short. I worried about my hair, my body, everything,. I was so insecure and just worried that he wasn't going to find me beautiful, and that his feelings for me would change once he saw me and got to know me in person. All of those worries I had are just silly to me now. The last thing my SO cared about when he saw me at the airport for the first time was how I looked. He was just beyond thrilled to see me. He practically body slammed into me and almost knocked me down when he ran up and hugged me. Lol!

Trust me.... Your SO loves you for you, not for your appearance. And your first meeting is going to be wonderful! She's going to love you, and everything is going to be great. You'll see. Try not to worry too much.

[JayT517]

Don't worry. She's going to love you just as much as she does now, if not more. Trust me.... I speak for many many many girls when I say that looks are the last thing about a guy that matters. It's what on the inside that counts. And I'm sure no matter what, you are always going to be very attractive to your SO.

I have a lot of insecurities as well. It took me two months after we first started talking, for me to even show my boyfriend a picture of myself. And it took another couple months for me to show my face on Skype. I spent the entire three months before I met him in person, worrying about pretty much the same things as you. I am on the short side. I'm only 5'3", and I got it into my head that he was going to think I was too short. I worried about my hair, my body, everything,. I was so insecure and just worried that he wasn't going to find me beautiful, and that his feelings for me would change once he saw me and got to know me in person. All of those worries I had are just silly to me now. The last thing my SO cared about when he saw me at the airport for the first time was how I looked. He was just beyond thrilled to see me. He practically body slammed into me and almost knocked me down when he ran up and hugged me. Lol!

Trust me.... Your SO loves you for you, not for your appearance. And your first meeting is going to be wonderful! She's going to love you, and everything is going to be great. You'll see. Try not to worry too much.

Thank you so much! I really mean it, you and everyone else have really easied my mind!

[LivingInWonderland]

Thank you so much! I really mean it, you and everyone else have really easied my mind!

You are very welcome. I hope you have a great time with your SO.

[TaraMarie]

My fiancé always asks how he ended up with the "hot chick" (his words, not mine). He is the exact opposite of "my type" and is nothing like anyone I've ever dated. He weighs about 350lbs, and is completely average looking, but I adore every inch of him and think he is beautiful. I love him for who HE is. And I agree with what others have said......I fell in love with HIM before I met him. And I am so damn happy!

Don't worry too much about the things you can't change. Or the things you don't want to change. Or what everyone else thinks. It's what is on the inside that counts.

[MarsDamnSure]

I am still new to this forum, but what an awesomely friendly and supportive bunch everyone is one here!
Its so nice to see.

[Unicorn26]

I have less than 4 weeks to go until I meet my SO for the first time so I totally understand how you are feeling. My anxiety is through the roof at the moment, I am petrified I'm going to be a disappointment to him in the flesh...

My friends tell me I am insane, but I do suffer from low self esteem after being in an emotionally abusive relationship for so long and those scars run deep. I'm also very conscious that at 42 years old I am no spring chicken. I have 2 kids and a mummy tummy that looks ok as long as I stay around the 120lb mark but as I'm fretting about the visit my weight is plummeting and I am losing my curves.

I think my SO is unbelievably cute and it is my honest opinion that he is way out of my league. He says it's not my looks he fell for and they are just a bonus. To be honest when we first started talking and he sent me a pic I was kind of disappointed but now.... I practically drool when we FaceTime. I cannot take my eyes off him!!!

I really hope when we meet at the airport next month that he likes me. I can't wait to meet him but I'm so scared, I'm having nightmares every night that he just looks at me and walks away. I know he would never do that but the fear runs deep.

I think you should bite the bullet and video call. Does she know about your weight and your anxiety? From a female point of view, a lot of girls like a heavier guy. I don't like skinny dudes, I like love handles and a little bit of a belly, it's sexy as hell. Don't worry, I'm sure she's going to be fine but I really think you should video call first before you meet. No way would I be going to visit someone without video calling first, you should do it! After the first time which is pretty nerve wracking it's lots of fun.

[farandaway]

I agree with earlier posters and especially in a LDR you focus on everything else before physical appearance. You truly learn to know the person and the looks come second. I started writing to my SO through a dating site. I had a very old profile pic up and he had no pic. We wrote and we talked on skype for several months before ever knowing what we look like.
By the time I saw his picture for the first time I was already in love and there was nothing that would change that. He's slightly shorter than I am and he may not be my type completely but I love every inch of him! He's very handsome to me!

[mrbergman56]

i was in the same boat as you were man, I'm 6,1 300 pounds and me and my SO had been talking for 10 months before we skyped. I never really took any pictures because i was self-conscious. But the best part of LDR that you fall in love with the person they are on the inside. I came to terms with the fact that I'm bigger than almost everybody, she loves it. When we met last weekend she loved to be in my arms. They feel secure, you become their wall, their protector.