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First visit and body insecurities

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    #1

    First visit and body insecurities

    My 3 years online BF will visit me for the first time this november.
    I'm freaked out, cause i never thought that it would be so soon. I just have a month to go.
    And here i am, having some problem with my own body.
    I know that he has seen me naked on pic and video chat.
    He said he loves my body. He likes my b*tt, but i'm still so insecure because i have some blemishes on my b*tt.
    I know that he doesn't like hairy women, and i don't really like any hair on me. I'm waxed but all these ingrown hair and stuff just makes me feel so ashamed.
    Then again, i have some other scars. An appendix surgery scar, stretchmarks on my thights, and some not so cool discoloration on my knees, elbow and "down there".

    I don't know if i can get rid of these stuff in just a month.
    I wanna look great in front of him. I'm starting over my workout routine, cause i think i'm gaining some weight.
    Dang, this just freaking me out!
    I'm panicked
    Tags: None
    #2
    There is a major misconception that, in order to be loved and accepted, you have to have the "perfect" body. That is not how it works. Anyhow, since he has already seen you and likes you, I wonder if this focus on your body is not really about your body, but about other things in your life where you are afraid he might be turned off.

    I have never waxed in my life, and sometimes I shave wrong and get ingrown hair. I have scars; an hand operation scar, soccer scars on my knees, scars on my knees and legs from when I was swimming in the ocean (it is like a Norwegian thing to just keep going even though you are going to cut yourself on shells and stones), I have strethmarks on my butt, thights and breats from puberty, I have visable veins which is a family thing. And you know what; apart from shaving little better I am not even considering to change any of those things. I rather like my stretchmarks and scars, they are part of who I am. whenever I think about my visable veins, I remember my grandmother who passed too soon and had that too. And I know that I have assets that makes me look great in my SO's eyes, just as your SO like the way you look.

    When something in your life changes drastically, it is easy to panic because you have less control. That feeling can very scary. Your SO is going to be in your life physically and there are lot of factors that become uncertain. It works better if you stop fighting that feeling. Stop trying to be perfect, that is not going to make a good mood. Focus on practical preperations, and on making yourself happy so not everything revolves around him and the visit. You are freaking out, which is going to put stress in your body. If you can afford it, perhaps a massage, or some therapeutic yoga will be helpful. You stressing down will also be helpful to him. Sometimes we think that momens have to be perfect, when all we need is the presence to connect.
    I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
    - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



    "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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      #3
      You can't get rid of stretchmarks unless you want to have surgery (which I do but that's a separate thing). You are who you are, if he says he loves you take it for face value, he does. I was really shy around my boyfriend to start with, anyone is when they are with someone new. I still get a bit funny because I don't like how I am and I have issues I want to address. But you know what? My boyfriend loves me anyway, even though I have stretchmarks and I want to lose a little more weight and I love him. That's all that matters.
      Engaged Dec 2015!! Visa approved June 2016 . Married July 18th 2016 <3

      Home is where the heart is and my home will always be with my love.
      All the way from England to the USA.

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        #4
        Being with someone new (I know, not new, but new sexually) is always nerve-wracking. I am pretty insecure as well, so I understand finding it hard to be comfortable naked. I always have to remind myself that what I see is not the same thing that my SO sees. I see blemishes and a stomach that isn't tight and razor burn. He sees a beautiful woman who he's madly in love with and doesn't even begin to understand why I'm so insecure. Likewise, I can't even begin to see what he does, but I sure as hell am trying to learn how to!

        Comment

          #5
          Guys thank you for the replies. Those help me much to cope with my insecurity here.
          Should i tell him about it?

          Comment

            #6
            Originally posted by glasspaper View Post
            Guys thank you for the replies. Those help me much to cope with my insecurity here.
            Should i tell him about it?
            I wouldn't, fake it till you make it. Confidence is sexy

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              #7
              Originally posted by snow_girl View Post
              I wouldn't, fake it till you make it. Confidence is sexy
              Dang, i almost, pretty close to tell him about it.
              I just asked if he really is serious about the visit, and he said yes totally.
              Then he just asking me whats the matter and why do i think that he doesn't wanna come to see me.

              I almost said that i'm insecure about my body. But ended up saying that nothing really matter, just still amazed that he gonna be here for real.

              Lol
              Last edited by glasspaper; September 23, 2015, 02:15 AM.

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                #8
                I need serious help! I've been with my long distance boyfriend for a year now and we are very close to meeting . however I have severe anxiety and a huge fear of rejection. I'm comfortable with my body and it doesn't bother me that I'm a little taller, but I am very self-conscious of my face.
                I trust that he loves me but I've been hurt before and don't want it to happen again

                Comment

                  #9
                  Originally posted by Bubblegum24 View Post
                  I need serious help! I've been with my long distance boyfriend for a year now and we are very close to meeting . however I have severe anxiety and a huge fear of rejection. I'm comfortable with my body and it doesn't bother me that I'm a little taller, but I am very self-conscious of my face.
                  I trust that he loves me but I've been hurt before and don't want it to happen again
                  Hey from a fellow tall person (I'm 6' and my guy is 5'9)

                  I definitely wouldn't be worried about it - if they love you, that includes all of you, regardless of your perceived imperfections. Everyone is their own worst critic, & if you can even just act confident to begin with, I promise it won't be an issue! It's normal to be nervous when you're first being physical with someone in person though, he's probably just as nervous too!

                  I did feel more confident about how I look after working in film for a bit - in films, actresses can look so effortlessly gorgeous, but just out of shot there are several makeup and hair artists rushing in every few seconds to make them look 'perfect', even after 3 hours of work on their appearance - even the most glamourous people get acne, ingrown hairs, frizz, scars, moles, stomach bulges and everything. If a guy is ridiculously shallow enough to make anything like that an issue, he is too immature and shallow to be dealing with in the first place.

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