Travelling? Who Pays? Does it matter?

[sunnymess54]

A couple of questions that I have.

Does it bug anyone if they have to be the only one to visit the other do to money issues?

Buying a ticket for the other person? Recommend or not?

[MissingMyDutchLove]

It all depends on the couple. My SO comes here probably close to 5 times to my 1, but that's how it works for us right now with time and money. We're planning on closing the distance in August, but if that doesn't happen, I'll be the one with more flexibility in my schedule but probably less money still, so he would help me pay for my ticket if it came down to that or me not coming. Some couples are more picky about everything being "even", but we like to look at our circumstances and make decisions off of that instead. So if you have the money and you and your SO are okay with you buying their ticket, then why not!?

[LivingInWonderland]

So far our visits have been equal. Him coming here, me going there. Right now I am the only one working, so I have paid for all of the visits. Which is fine by me, because I know that my boyfriend really can't get a job. He lives in a very small town, doesn't have a car, and has applied for a job at every place he can possibly think of.

Now, if he had a job, I would not be paying for all of the visits like I do.

It really depends on the couple and the circumstances, when it comes to who goes where and who pays.

[Ella85]

I've paid for most of it. My SO didn't have such a great job when we first met, but he got a promotion now. Although I paid for his visit he will be financially supporting my daughter and I when we close the distance as I have to file for work authorization after I get there. It's never bothered me, he always does his best. He buys me beautiful gifts and he loves me for me. As far as I'm concerned it's going to be our money anyway so it didn't matter if I spent some.

[ChloChlo]

MissingMyDutchLove is right, it all depends on what works for you. My SO has visited me 3 times and I have visited him once, but we work out "fairness" in that the traveler pays for plane tickets, while the host pays for accommodations and most meals. It evens out pretty well for us.

I would be wary of paying for another's ticket, or accepting a free trip, if the relationship is new. But if you know each other well and everyone is ok with it, then I don't see an issue. I've offered to pay half a few times, but my SO is too proud for that.

If you feel frustrated or uneasy about any perceived imbalance of visits though, then I think you should bring it up with your partner. Sometimes, like MMDL says, you have to look at the circumstances and make allowances and be patient for things to balance out. But if you feel like something isn't right, there could be something to it. It all depends on what's going on.

[R&R]

I've visited more than he has. He runs his own business, so if he doesn't work, he doesn't get paid. Money has been very tight for him and I have had more flexibility. I don't mind going to visit him. If the situations were reversed, he would do what i do now.

[SailorRei]

As everyone says- it depends.

But I also agree a lot with ChloChlo- that's how I do this with my bf. The person who travels pays the ticket, and the other one covers pretty much everything else. This is due to fact that we always do something when we visit, take trips etc, so in the end it's actually expensive for both of us. So far we've been in good situation, so I never paid for his ticket or him for mine, but I'm pretty sure that would not be a problem

Just talk it thru with your partner to see where you both stand on this.

[differentcountries]

We would have been preffered it to be equal in terms of visits and paying, but that is just not happening. I have both more flexible work conditions (he only has time off in off season) and more money. I have visited him most of the times, payed most of the expenses for them and covered his expenses when he visited. I know his economy and I know he does his best, that is enough for me. He is also a master of getting me or us personal discounts, we have stayed with his friends for free several times and his family opened up his home to me twice. We hardly do anything fancy or go on trips on visits, we keep our money for more visits. I even support him with cash money for his personal expenses sometimes, because if he doesn't work in the off season he goes from November to March without any kind of salary. That is how we do it and not all would be comfortable doing it like that, but we do have very different income rates and he is very aware of that, I think it would be rather rude to not help him out.

The first time I visited him, he wanted to pay for everything, but it became a bit absurd because he just didn't have the money. I am comfortable with our arrangement but we want him to come here to work next year and then hopefully we will become more like equals financially.

[lena-and-roel]

I agree with you MissingMyDutchLove! And I miss my dutch love too When is your next meeting?

[LanternOfHope]

My SO and I will be having our first visit at the end of June. The way we're doing it, we share the lodging cost and the one traveling pays for his/her own plane ticket (in this case, me). We'll probably do it that way and alternate visits, the frequency being whenever we can manage it. We're already planning for her to visit me in October. I agree with the above posters who say that how you deal with the logistics of visits is very much determined by your particular circumstances, and could change. Just be sure not to let that stuff overshadow the important thing: you two getting to see each other and spend quality face-to-face time together. Any good relationship involves sacrifice both great and small, LDR moreso. It's so worth it for the right one though.

[sunnymess54]

Thank you ladies for all the input. We have been friends for a few months before actually trying it as a couple and that came only after I had moved and with a lot of discussion as we were both werey of long distance. I am going there in 6 days 😍 Yay! After almost 5 months apart. It's the longest we have gone without a visit.

I pay for my ticket and part of lodging and he pays for the other half of lodging and the food. We have a pretty good thing worked so far. I was just questioning as its something I've always wondered with other couples especially with so many scams going on now a days how people trust the process.

[sunnymess54]

6 days 😁

[BFG]

For us, it's pretty simple - I make more money than her, i have a seriously good working roster where i dont have to take much time off at all if i spend a month at her place and i have never been to where she lives. So i'll go and see her and i'll pay for most of our adventuring while i'm there.

Which is fine, i don't mind. She feels like i'll grow to resent it but i really wont.