How long is a reasonable time to wait?

[Lou1973]

I have been chatting to this amazing man on the phone and text whom I met on an online dating site. We have been talking consistently now for 3 weeks. Had one Skype session as well so we knew we were real. Anyway we are still active on the dating site as obviously we are just talking and not in any type of relationship as such. I have told him I would like him to come and spend a weekend with me (we live about 2 hrs apart by plane). Am I rushing things or pushing too much or at this stage should I be well in my rights to expect him to now come and spend some real time with me. He says he will see me soon but never actually hints at any future dates. I know he likes me but why is he not excited enough to book that flight?

[sasad]

3. Weeks. And both still on a dating site. That should answer your question. Why don't you book to see him or meet in the middle?

[Lou1973]

What should I say without sounding desperate or pushy?

[Mims27]

Why can't you wait and see how you guys click? Get to know each other. Has he mentioned wanting to meet up? I don't know but to me, 3 weeks is pretty early to commit to flying to someone one I don't know. My partner (now wife) and I were friends for a long time before we met. We confessed our love in February 2009 and we met in person for the first time in October. But everyone is different, I guess. What's the rush? I guess you could mention that it would be fun to meet, one day.

[R&R]

What should I say without sounding desperate or pushy?

In friendships and relationships, communication with the other person is important. Right now, you are friends. You would ask him just like you would anyone else. "Hey, I was wondering what you think about some day meeting in person?" If he thinks that's something he might like to do, he'll probably answer with a response that will help you to decide when.

[Lou1973]

To be honest I can't see how it's any different to talking to a guy from your own hometown and then organising a date, the only difference is the distance which to me 2 hrs is not really a big deal. Usually when dating you spend a week texting and talking and teeing up that all important date, it's no different here when you think about it. I asked him last night how long it generally takes him to organize a date with a woman once the chatting has started and he replied with 2 months but couldn't give a real reason to back that up, he said he didn't have rules and didn't know which is a little odd. Our conversations have been flirty at times and a bit more than just a platonic friend conversation. He compliments me in messages, calls be babe and gorgeous so it's more than a friends only thing, I'm confused, I'm itching to see him after 3 weeks of conversation, it just doesn't make sense!

[sasad]

He is not ready....plain and simple. My SO lives 2 hours by plane, like your friend does ....1000 mile drive, and unless we plan a month or so in advance, it can be 400 rt or more. So that, plus hotel, plus food etc can be too expensive for a first time meet vs hometown date.
You dont want to seem pushy, but you are coming off that way.. And the babe stuff...SO says some guys do that from habit. Dont read too much into it as you havent even met yet.
Slow down or he could bolt. He gave you 2 months and doesn't have to justify that to you or anyone at this point in the game.

[Lou1973]

I don't think money is an issue for travel for him, he is a Doctor! Why wouldn't he be ready, he phones me at least 5 times a week and we talk at minimum for an hour. Surely it's a normal progression to want to meet the woman you have been investing phone time with or am I the only insane person here? He is basically willing to take the risk of letting someone else snap me up, I don't get it?? I think I might make myself a little less available to him and maybe that may get him thinking about what he actually is seeking out of all this. I'm actually going to text less and perhaps lessen the phonecalls, I'm a human with feelings, I'm investing a certain portion of time and effort with him and the more we talk the more connected I feel so I feel like I have to protect myself here.

[R&R]

I don't think money is an issue for travel for him, he is a Doctor! Why wouldn't he be ready, he phones me at least 5 times a week and we talk at minimum for an hour. Surely it's a normal progression to want to meet the woman you have been investing phone time with or am I the only insane person here? He is basically willing to take the risk of letting someone else snap me up, I don't get it?? I think I might make myself a little less available to him and maybe that may get him thinking about what he actually is seeking out of all this. I'm actually going to text less and perhaps lessen the phonecalls, I'm a human with feelings, I'm investing a certain portion of time and effort with him and the more we talk the more connected I feel so I feel like I have to protect myself here.

Every person is different. Just because he isn't ready to meet you yet doesn't make him wrong, or not as invested or not want to see where this friendship may go. It's only been three weeks. Not everyone wants to move fast. They take their time, get to know someone more before taking that next step. You stated you have feelings - well, so does he. What about his feelings about all of this? Do they not count at all?

Also, starting to play games by making yourself less available just to see if he will start paying more attention isn't a good idea. If you want to know what he's looking for - ASK. You're an adult and know how to communicate in a mature, adult manner. All relationships take communication and respect. If you start playing the game, you just may lose any potential you have for what may happen because you aren't being patient. It's been 3 weeks. Slow down.

[Lou1973]

Okay okay.... I will try to slow down, I guess I'm just excited. I just want to meet him that's all, I can't be blamed for my enthusiasm. I will assess things at the 2mth mark again as that is what he has indicated as a general timeframe. Thanks everyone x

[Mims27]

Being excited is just part of the fun of getting to know someone. But just because you are ready to meet doesn't mean he is yet. Hang in there and take this time to get to know him. It'll just make things even more exciting! Good luck!

[Lostviolinist]

Well. You haven't known each other for that long. I and my girlfriend didn't decide to enter a relationships until 4 months after we first made contact. Neither of us were really all that interested initially. And because of the difficultly of meeting we had to wait 2 years to meet in person. Relax. Things like this can take time. Maybe he really isn't that interested in making the trip just to see you at the moment. Even if he has the money and it's just a short trip. Dedicating entire days for someone he just met may just not be something he's comfortable with. I like making friends and meeting people and all, but I won't be running to meet every random person I meet, even if I'm interested in seeing them at some point. Just give it time. Get to know each other more. That alone takes a long time. Months, years even. I'm sure you'll have plenty to keep talking about. Later on you can ask some questions to see if he has any real interest in you, or perhaps he'll ask you. Relax. And let things play out for a little while.

[Lou1973]

Ok, your right and thank-you

[Moon]

OP, you've been given good advice, but...I totally agree with you. I'm also the type who would jump on a quick two hour flight for a first date, but to each their own, I guess If he's not ready, I suppose there's nothing you can do about that but be patient for a little while and see what happens. I'm not sure I'd wait TOO long though, you're technically close enough where you could start by spending an afternoon or evening, then go home again, so there's that. Give him some time if he needs it, but don't give up either. Life is short! Good luck!

[UnknownBuddy]

Give him till Christmas