Girl visiting guy first and unaccepting parents

[texasgal92]

Hey everyone,

I'm brand new to this site, but figured it would be helpful since I'm in the start of an LDR.

My guy and I have met in person before and became friends 4 years ago. At that time, he lived in my city and 4 years ago was the last time we saw each other in person. I was in another relationship that ended this past summer, so we have briefly kept in touch via social media during the last few years. We reconnected a couple weeks, and it has been instant chemistry.

He offered to come see me or pay for my flight to visit him in D.C, for new years this year. Me having lived in texas my whole life, I actually want to go see him to experience a change of scenery for the new years. ---- This is where I'm having conflict with my family.

I was honest and upfront about him & I, but my parents are very conservative and see me going to visit him first as him not being decent a guy, and me having no self respect.

Both him and i communicate each day, I don't have any fears of being in person around him, and I really would love to spend the new years outside texas with him.

If I fly to see him, is this an irrational or irresponsible decision in LDR dating world?

[R&R]

Not at all. I visited my SO first. You will find that happens a lot. Whoever has vacation time available or more flexibility will visit first. Plus, as you said, you want to visit someplace different.

Your parents can voice their opinions but you are an adult and free to choose. For some older adults, it's harder to understand that things are different than they used to be. My parents are in their 70's and were fine with me flying out to meet my SO first. I just had to send a picture and text to let them know I arrived safely.

[texasgal92]

Thank you for the words of encouragement with this.

My parents are in their late 60's, and were ones who saved themselves for marriage, so that is a large part of their resentment with this, in regards to their mindset.

I've always been like the "red headed step child" so there's some things about me I don't tell them, but felt proud of myself for not hiding this from them. It just would've been nice to have some positive support, as opposed to being made felt like I was trashy and disrespectful to myself for starting this new LDR endeavor with my SO.

[c_denise3]

My parents were the same way when it came to me visiting my boyfriend. I was always the one who traveled to him because of his work schedule, plus there's nothing to do in my hometown. The first time we ever met in person, I traveled 2.5 hours to his hometown and spent the weekend with him. We had talked and skyped for months before finally meeting in person so we knew we were legit. He's now in the military, so once again I'm the one always traveling to see him, which annoys my family, but there's nothing he can do. I have to be the one traveling right now until we get married. Older generations have a hard time understanding because they are so stuck in their ways.

Anyway, you are an adult. You have the right to do what makes you happy, despite of what your parents say. If you want to go visit him, that is your choice. If your parents are unhappy about it, that's on them. Are you living in their house? If so, have they made any threats to kick you out if you do go to visit him?

[texasgal92]

I'm relieved to not feel like such an outsider on this issue. Thank you for the support as well.

& no, I live in my own apartment, and 100% take care of myself, so there's no worry about them in regards to living situation threats.

They're just very concerned too, with the fact it's been a few years since I saw him last. But you're absolutely right about schedules and timing. Plus he would plan to visit me the next time after I see him for new years. Him & I both got the time off from work, but since he's only lived there a year and I've never been, he's really excited to do sight seeing together, and ultimately have a great time. I have no doubts that we wouldn't have a great time, and couldn't be happier.

[c_denise3]

You're definitely not alone! I think a lot of older generations feel this way. My family looks at it in the light of "the guy should chase the girl," not the other way around. I wasn't chasing my boyfriend, I was doing what I could because of his schedule. Plus, I enjoyed visiting his hometown because there was so much more to do, and as you put it, it's a change of scenery. He lived in Virginia before leaving for the Navy, so it wasn't bad distance. Now, I'm driving 8 hours to see him once a month.

They have the right to be concerned, you're their daughter. You just have to reassure them that you know how to take care of yourself and to not place yourself in a situation that will leave you vulnerable or in danger. If you trust this guy, which you obviously do if you're going to visit him, then that's all that matters. I've heard D.C. around Christmas & New Years is beautiful, yet can get a little crazy at times. I'm sure you'll have a great time though!

[Bee'sknees]

I went to see my boyfriend first and didn't see anything weird about that. I didn't actually even tell my parents that there would be guy involved, mainly because I knew that my mum would be concerned as hell. I just told them that I'm going on a holiday and that's it. When the actual meeting day came by, I texted mum that I'm having a date tonight and I kept her informed all day so she knew I was alive, lol. Everything went nicely and my boyfriend then visited me and my family the very next month, so my parents had the chance to get to know him very early on. Now they adore him.