I've backed out of my visit due to anxiety

[sunbrite]

I am due to leave to go overseas for our first visit, and just can't do it. I feel so anxious about being out of my comfort zone that I wont be myself and he will not get to see the real me. I can't go. I've told him that am not coming and he has been nothing but understanding. He paid for my ticket, and I feel so bad because cannot get a refund. I am being so hard on myself that am feeling crazy, but I just can't do it. He is going to get a ticket to visit me in 3 months time and I know I will feel so much better being here at home, but I miss him so much, and want to just be with him and am going to miss out. I just can't do it. All this long distance thing has been very hard for me. Sometimes I just can't seem to cope with it. I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel as though I am living in two different worlds, and finding everything so hard. He sees me struggle and calms me, but I am just not doing well anymore. He is a very calm person that takes everything as it comes day by day, and I am now always a nervous wreck. I don't want him to see me struggling so much, as I have gone from being such a happy person with him to sometimes not even be able video chat because I can't stand seeing him on video knowing that he's not next me. I seriously need help with all of this as it's affecting me so much. Thank you.

[R&R]

I am due to leave to go overseas for our first visit, and just can't do it. I feel so anxious about being out of my comfort zone that I wont be myself and he will not get to see the real me. I can't go. I've told him that am not coming and he has been nothing but understanding. He paid for my ticket, and I feel so bad because cannot get a refund. I am being so hard on myself that am feeling crazy, but I just can't do it. He is going to get a ticket to visit me in 3 months time and I know I will feel so much better being here at home, but I miss him so much, and want to just be with him and am going to miss out. I just can't do it. All this long distance thing has been very hard for me. Sometimes I just can't seem to cope with it. I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel as though I am living in two different worlds, and finding everything so hard. He sees me struggle and calms me, but I am just not doing well anymore. He is a very calm person that takes everything as it comes day by day, and I am now always a nervous wreck. I don't want him to see me struggling so much, as I have gone from being such a happy person with him to sometimes not even be able video chat because I can't stand seeing him on video knowing that he's not next me. I seriously need help with all of this as it's affecting me so much. Thank you.

I don't recommend this lightly, but maybe you need to seek some professional help. It sounds like you have a lot more going on than just missing your SO. Maybe you need someone who can help you break things down and help you work through your anxiety.

[sunbrite]

I generally have anxiety but this has just been hard for me because have never even video chatted with anyone before, so it all took a lot of getting used to, and it was all so very new for me. But have decided to go because will feel worse not going than I will going. I've also never travelled overseas alone before. I tend to overthink things too much, so am distracting myself as much as I can. I've organized for a very close friend to take me to the airport and stay with me before I leave. I'm trying to keep my mind off going and just do it. It's still hard for me. I've never been with anyone that has not been close to me, and I find it hard only being able to video chat or message. I do miss him a lot mostly all of the time, and have found it hard with things such as when you when you have good news and want to share it but the time differences make it hard to talk at certain times, and little things like that. I have just found it more overwhelming than I thought it would be.

[Redheart14]

You'll be ok, I think once you're with him everything will be fine.

[BaconGirl05]

That is a tough situation. I'm not going to tell you what to do, but I can tell you about my similar experience.

Last year I was flying to Australia to surprise my SO on his birthday (US to Australia) Unfortunately, my anxiety had hit its peak. I had anxiety if I was left alone and I didn't want to leave my house. I felt like a totally different person. It got really bad and I was afraid I wasn't going to make the visit. I hadn't seen my SO in a year though, so I had to make a hard decision: Was I going to call off my visit and have no way of knowing when our next visit would be or would I endure the anxiety to in order to see my SO.
I decided to make the trip. I knew that seeing my SO would make me feel better. I prepared the best I could. Getting comfy clothes for the flight, getting relaxing/sleep music, bringing something along that reminded me of home, etc. I'd say it was one of the hardest things I have done.
I had an anxiety attack on the flight over to Australia. It got really bad and I had nowhere to go. I couldn't sit still or focus my attention on something else. I ended up talking to a flight attendant who helped me through it. Then other passengers came up to me and talked me through it. They distracted my and showed my ways to calm down. In the end, it was alright.
When I finally saw my SO, the look on his face helped me feel grounded. I was so glad I made the decision to make the trip. He's helped me with my anxiety and it has gotten a lot better since being here with him.

I don't know if this story helps at all, but try reaching out to people or talking to someone close about your concerns. I'm sorry you're so anxious. I know how you feel and it's definitely not the best feeling.

I hope everything works out for you though

xx

[GamerLove]

I understand where your coming from, as I to felt the same way. My SO and I had made plans for me to fly to visit him first he was willing to pay for everything. Once the time came tho I had cold feet. I suffer from general anxiety and depression and everything was just to much for me to handle. As the date grew closer and closer I grew more and more nervous and was just a wreck. It was also very hard for me to video chat as I was very self conscious and was not used to FaceTime or video chatting. After seeing how distraught I was my SO was more than understanding and very supportive. We decided that it would be better if he flew here first as I would be more comfortable. When he first arrived I was a total wreck and on the way to see him I thought about turning the car around a few times lol. But when he held me for the first time and we embraced it all melted away. All that anxiety all the nervousness was gone. I think it's better having him fly to you first since you are so nervous, if he's the one then he will understand. I know it seems like to much to go through atm but trust me it's all worth it in the end. Try to be strong till then. I tried not to think about it to much to help with manage all the stress and anxiety and that seemed to help. It wasn't until the actual day he arrived that it hit me, it's normal to feel how you are feeling and if he loves you he will understand. Try not to beat yourself up to much. He cares for you for a reason, that means the good times and the bad. There's a fav quote I have "if you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best". Don't be afraid to let him see you when you are feeling down. Your anxiety and fears will work themselves out when he finally makes that trip to see you. Hang in there love.

[sunbrite]

Thank you everyone that understood. I have generalised anxiety, and depression too and it was all just too hard. But I decided not to let my fear stop me. I knew that I would feel worse not going than I would actually going though it was so hard. I got myself into the zone of saying that am going, then organized for my closest friend to take me to the airport and stay with me until I had to go through customs. I found a psychologist in my area that specialises in anxiety, and I had three hypnotherapy sessions with her, and although with so much anxiety still in me I made it. I actually went. Once was there and met him there were no nerves or anxiety, and am so glad that didn't let my anxiety stop me. It was one of the hardest things that I've ever done, and had a nightmare trip coming back home, but we had an absolutely wonderful 2 weeks together, and now am counting down the days that he arrives here. I feel anxious again. That's just me. He understands, and is very supportive. Sometimes I still can't video chat for some reason. But it has nothing to do with him it's just my anxiety that stops me. But I made it, and feel so proud of myself. I decided to do anything that I had to to get myself there, and stuck to it. Of course I had the worst anxiety, but somehow made it through everything. It's probably the only thing that anxiety hasn't stopped me from doing. Thank you everyone. All the advise has been great. I didn't feel alone like I was. I saw him, and have wonderful memories with me. It was all very worth it.

[Loveyoumore]

I sugguest start off videochatting & work your way up to in person. Anxiety is alot to deal with trust me i know...i deal with it every day. Hang in there you can do it.

[Reyhoney]

I'm new on here so I wanted to ask and see what happened? Did you meet after all?
I hope you did...

About the anxiety all I can tell you is you should seek help for your own well being, not just his. You may not be with him forever but you'll be with YOU forever.

Try talking to a therapist. I've been on anxiety meds for about 2 months and things are better, still not where I want them to be, but much better.

Good luck.