She is visiting but wants to stay with friend.

[JPJ]

I met my S/O the 1st week in Dec 2016 through a mutual friend she works with. She travels weekly for work and is based out of Kansas City. The couple weeks she was in town in December we would hangout. I stayed at her hotel a couple times. she would come over to my place and we would watch tv/movies. Then she told me that we were boyfriend/girlfriend and that we were exclusive.

Then in January of this year I went on a trip with the guys for the weekend and when we came back was the day of her flying into Atlanta for the week of work. So her friend from work picked her up and brought her to the bar we met/hangout at. We had a great night till she had to go back to hotel and she said she was going alone. I told her I would have like to stay with my girlfriend since it is her last week here for a while. So needless to say she went to hotel and I went home. That next day we knew we couldn't hangout due to her working but the next day she was going to meet my mother. When that day came she texted and said she had to reschedule the meeting due to work. Then the last two night of the week the same thing happened and then she left Atlanta.

We have texted or called each day since we have met. The text are not like they use to be and filled with miss you and cant wait to see you. More just chit chat stuff now. She told me she was just taken back by that night in January and that she will get over it. Apparently I said something to make her feel like I was her ex-husband of 12 years.. So we have communicated someway daily.

Valentines day came around. I got her a gift and I said I want to send it to her and she said for me to keep it till she came back down. So I didn't get her address to send her stuff. I even asked if I could by a ticket and come visit for night and take her to dinner and leave next day so not to bother her work. But she said no. She does have 2 kids and she said she would not introduce them to another guy till she knew he was the one. And I get that and understand. She also said she is not into holidays and not info flowers cause they just die. So I made a video and sent it to her via text saying I know she doesn't like VDay but this year it is different for me cause I have a beautiful girlfriend I love and blah.. blah.. She did say the video was very sweet but She did not call or text I love you but we had been texting and I said happy Vday and she responded happy VDay. Fun VDAy..

She texted me to say that she thinks she can come down the last weekend in March to visit everyone, and I guess she has not told our mutual friends. She also said that she was going to stay at our mutual friend that introduced us's house while she was in town. I told her she was welcome to stay with me. She said that she is cautious with relationships and she didn't know why I was upset that she wasn't staying with me. I told her I thought that is what girlfriends and boyfriends do when they visit each other.

So my questions is... Should I take her not wanting to stay with me as anything or am I just way overlooking this? We continue to text daily and calls are every couple days or once a week depending on where she is and work schedule. I just don't want to lose this one because she is pretty awesome.. So I am trying to figure out where we are at without asking her and making it worse....

[Moon]

Well, I think you have the right to clarity, even if it upsets her a little. While I admit what she's doing sounds a little sketchy, she really might just super cautious, but unless you have a good talk, you won't know for sure. The talk doesn't have to be confrontational or anything, it can be productive and nice, you're just wondering where you both are, since it's confusing for you, that's all. I mean, we certainly can't tell you what she feels, or if there's anything behind her actions. If she's been hurt in the past, it makes sense to use an overabundance of caution, trust and being comfortable can easily take longer than 2.5 months, that's not very long, you know.

If you really, really don't want to talk to her about it, as long as you're talking everyday and communication is good, you could just wait to see how the trip goes. I get the impression that while you may be considered her boyfriend, you aren't a serious boyfriend, at least not yet. Maybe you're going to fast for her? Anyway, your best bet, imo, is just have the conversation, that way you know and don't have to worry. If she can't handle a simple talk about the status of the relationship, then maybe she's not worth it, as awesome as she seems right now. Good luck, let us know how it goes.

[whatruckus]

I wholeheartedly agree with Moon. She does sound a bit sketchy, but at the same time I can understand her caution. Maybe ask her what makes her feel uncomfortable around you? Did she ever tell you what you said or did that made her think you were like her ex?

[TaraMarie]

I think you are in the friend zone.