Advice Pleassseeee!!! Should I give up my plans for her?

[Stfsm123]

Some background information, I am a 17 year old British student and she is a 17 year old French girl, also a student. We met in April 2015 on a language exchange site, and knew that there was something special about each-other. We both held pretty conservative views, i.e. how can a relationship be real if one has never met? however, things change, and now we have decided that we need to meet. So, I am going to France in July. However, a female friend invited me to go to Paris this year for three weeks as a holiday. My SO said she wouldn't be with me going to Paris with another girl, fair enough.
However, I just want to be absolutely sure that I am doing the right thing in declining this invitation to go and see her, as her mother has said some things that made me a little uneasy, which my SO showed me on screenshot. Her mother said she is happy for me to come and stay, but that "we will see the results of my SO's baccalaureate. Her mother also refuses to speak directly to me on the phone, so I only see development via screenshot. However, she (my SO) never stops talking about what we'll do together when we meet, and how much she can't wait. I am just unsettled by what her mother says. If we waited that long for confirmation, transport would be a lot more expensive for me, and I am going to university in September so money is a little tight. I would also miss out on seeing my friend (who is Spanish and whom I don't see often). Although I understand her mother perfectly, I also need to know if I will in fact be able to come so that I don't decline my friend's invite for nothing (if I can actually meet my SO its not a problem but I wouldn't like to decline an amazing experience in vain), rather than being in limbo for months waiting for my SO's results. Is there any way we could come to a compromise to allow me a little more clarity that we will actually meet? (I may be over-thinking this but I really don't want to feel like a fool). Please tell me what you would do . Can you think of a reason why her mother wouldn't want to talk on the phone to me ?

[sasad]

Not really.. we dont know what she is thinking..BUT
As a mom, you are both young and still in school so she sounds concerned about her maintaining grades etc.
Also, you are making it seem like this girl is a back up plan... Not the other way around. I would feel way uncomfortable if my SO said he wanted to take a 3 week vacation with another girl. It's a new relationship and she may feel uncomfortable. Add that to her telling her mom, then BOOOM. Mama bear mode kicks in.

She may be uncomfortable talking on a phone. Hearing issues,language, or she could be cranky.

Did you offer to pay your stay at all??? A dinner out for them or anything??

In some ways to almost like you want her mom to say no is the feeling I am getting. I dunno... as a mom, i just dont l comfortable with the "planning" so far..

[Stfsm123]

Hey, thanks for your answer. I am fluent in French, and my SO or her mother doesn't speak English,but there is no language barrier. In fact Paris is the back up plan. I would just feel stupid for ditvhing a friend for someone I've never even met (although I do understand her situation, which is why I am happy to give up Paris for some clarity). yes, I would cook for them each night I would be heartbroken if her mother said no, ai really would be, so I am trying to protect myself in a way. What advice would you give me?

[SailorRei]

If you really want to meet your SO, and you won't have another opportunity any time soon, go to her. Book a hostel for shorter period if necessary, but I would say that meeting with your girl- for the first time, right?, should be higher on your priority list. Also- can't you combine those two things? If your friend invites you for 3 weeks, can't you make it one week, and stay 2 weeks with your girl?

Anyhow, I would just book a tickets, get a hostel and go. In my opinion it's better to meet briefly than not to meet at all

[R&R]

Some background information, I am a 17 year old British student and she is a 17 year old French girl, also a student. We met in April 2015 on a language exchange site, and knew that there was something special about each-other. We both held pretty conservative views, i.e. how can a relationship be real if one has never met? however, things change, and now we have decided that we need to meet. So, I am going to France in July. However, a female friend invited me to go to Paris this year for three weeks as a holiday. My SO said she wouldn't be with me going to Paris with another girl, fair enough.
However, I just want to be absolutely sure that I am doing the right thing in declining this invitation to go and see her, as her mother has said some things that made me a little uneasy, which my SO showed me on screenshot. Her mother said she is happy for me to come and stay, but that "we will see the results of my SO's baccalaureate. Her mother also refuses to speak directly to me on the phone, so I only see development via screenshot. However, she (my SO) never stops talking about what we'll do together when we meet, and how much she can't wait. I am just unsettled by what her mother says. If we waited that long for confirmation, transport would be a lot more expensive for me, and I am going to university in September so money is a little tight. I would also miss out on seeing my friend (who is Spanish and whom I don't see often). Although I understand her mother perfectly, I also need to know if I will in fact be able to come so that I don't decline my friend's invite for nothing (if I can actually meet my SO its not a problem but I wouldn't like to decline an amazing experience in vain), rather than being in limbo for months waiting for my SO's results. Is there any way we could come to a compromise to allow me a little more clarity that we will actually meet? (I may be over-thinking this but I really don't want to feel like a fool). Please tell me what you would do . Can you think of a reason why her mother wouldn't want to talk on the phone to me ?

To me, these are the three things that really stuck out.

On one hand, you have a great friend, who happens to be a girl, who has invited you on a wonderful trip. You don't get to see this friend often. This is a definite invite for something you may not be able to do again for a long time with a friend you see very infrequently.
On the other hand, you have a very unsure, tentative plan to spend time with someone you have never met with no guarantee you'd even get to see her.

If either of my daughters asked me this, I'd encourage the trip with the friend. Honestly, you're 17 and chances of this relationship lasting into adulthood are slim. (Not impossible, but the probability is pretty low.) Friends, however, tend to last a lot longer, if not an entire lifetime. I'd rather see them making the lasting memories with their friend.

[erwin1973]

I absolutely do not disagree with @sasad and @R&R, but...
Have you looked deep in your heart? Have you figured out yourself what feels best? A agree that it seems - even if you say not - that Paris is the first priority. I don't blame you for that, but if you really wanted to meet your gf, you would absolutely have choosen different words.
I cannot give you any advice on this, for various reasons. All I can say is: what do you, deep in your heart, want most, and what do you think is the chance that the mother of your gf is not accepting you.
Also... have you ever asked your gf why her mother doesn't want to talk to you on the phone? I know from my mother she hates that thing, and actually she's afraid of it. If there is any chance for my mother to let my father take the phone, she's not taking it herself. That is a possibility, but it can also be like sasad and R&R say...
Again: look in your heart what you really want, but my feeling says...
Well...
You don't have to answer to my questions publicly, but please be honest to yourself.
I don't say you don't love your gf, but it seems to me that you're either afraid too much or you actually want to go to Paris more...

[differentcountries]

Where does your SO live? It it far from Paris?

It is not really any of your SOs businiss if you spend your holiday with your friends. She can however expect that you stretch to meet her if possible, so perhaps shortening the holiday with your friend is not entirely out of the question.

If you are already in France, could you travel to where your SO lives and stay there/at a nearby hostel for a week?

[sasad]

Where does your SO live? It it far from Paris?

It is not really any of your SOs businiss if you spend your holiday with your friends. She can however expect that you stretch to meet her if possible, so perhaps shortening the holiday with your friend is not entirely out of the question.

If you are already in France, could you travel to where your SO lives and stay there/at a nearby hostel for a week?

It's no ones so's business if they spend a holiday.... whhhaaaattt??

[erwin1973]

Where does your SO live? It it far from Paris?

It is not really any of your SOs businiss if you spend your holiday with your friends. She can however expect that you stretch to meet her if possible, so perhaps shortening the holiday with your friend is not entirely out of the question.

If you are already in France, could you travel to where your SO lives and stay there/at a nearby hostel for a week?

If your bf is going on a holiday for 3 weeks with a female friend... please don't tell me you don't like it - say it and mean it... You can't be serious...

[R&R]

If your bf is going on a holiday for 3 weeks with a female friend... please don't tell me you don't like it - say it and mean it... You can't be serious...

At 17, my best friend was a guy. If his family had invited me to go on a trip with them (and the OP's friend is a teenager, so most likely family is going) for three weeks, I would have gone. They are friends - we are friends. It was totally platonic and it's about trust. If my SO at the time didn't like it, he would have to either trust me or we would have broken up. I'm not going to give up a once-in-a-lifetime trip with my best friend because my SO is insecure.

I've said it before and I'll say it again - what if the OP was bi-sexual? Would this mean he couldn't go anywhere or on any vacations with anyone?

[Stfsm123]

My friend broke her ankle in Nice last year, othe other people we were with practically abandoned her, and we stuck together for the whole week. She is a great friend and I would LOVE to see her, but that really is all she is. And I have met her, what if I don't actually like my SO in real life? We can live in fairy land but it is possible?

[Karura]

If your bf is going on a holiday for 3 weeks with a female friend... please don't tell me you don't like it - say it and mean it... You can't be serious...

As a bisexual this sounds really weird to me because I don't see any problem spending holiday with friends, even if they're of a sex they're attracted to.

But as an advice for the OP, I do agree with R&R, that you shouldn't push your plans with your friend aside because of your SO, especially when you don't see them often, your situation with your visit to your SO is uncertain, and you don't know when or if you'll get another chance like this. Talk to your SO about it because if she trusts and loves you, the only reason she could have to not understand is if she hasn't matured enough to value things that are important to you.

[erwin1973]

At 17, my best friend was a guy. If his family had invited me to go on a trip with them (and the OP's friend is a teenager, so most likely family is going) for three weeks, I would have gone. They are friends - we are friends. It was totally platonic and it's about trust. If my SO at the time didn't like it, he would have to either trust me or we would have broken up. I'm not going to give up a once-in-a-lifetime trip with my best friend because my SO is insecure.

I've said it before and I'll say it again - what if the OP was bi-sexual? Would this mean he couldn't go anywhere or on any vacations with anyone?

In my opinion, that is not really what the topic is about.
It's not that she might not approve, but it's that OP has to make a choice between one and the other. IAW... see a friend after a long time no see, or see your LDR gf for the first time...

[erwin1973]

My friend broke her ankle in Nice last year, othe other people we were with practically abandoned her, and we stuck together for the whole week. She is a great friend and I would LOVE to see her, but that really is all she is. And I have met her, what if I don't actually like my SO in real life? We can live in fairy land but it is possible?

If you have doubts about a relationship, get out of it as fast as you can. And I'm serious, I've been through that.

[snow]

If you have doubts about a relationship, get out of it as fast as you can. And I'm serious, I've been through that.

I think you're jumping the gun. It is totally normal to be nervous about meeting someone for the first time face to face. There are so many factors that play into being attracted to a person that there is a chance it might not work out. We have had cases like these on here, but they are rare. I was worried my SO would not have liked the fact that I was 50lbs heavier than now when we first met, obviously he knew about it and he has seen me through video chat, but it still is different in real life.