Meeting - but there's more.

[Armortis]

Hey guys! I really need some advice right now. I've been with my SO for almost 8 months, the relationship has been rocky but strong. We both have 'mental illnesses', I have borderline personality disorder/depression/anxiety. He has bipolar/depression/anxiety. It's tough, but we're managing fine and I wouldn't change a thing.

We met online and we live about 4 hours apart, so it's not a huge distance, but neither one of us drives and we wont take public transport so meeting hasn't happened yet unfortunately. We skype, go on cam, call all the time, I know he is who he says he is and I'm not scared of that. But, I'm having a lot of trouble at home and I'm about to be kicked out by my family.

We've been talking about moving in with each other for a while, so I'm moving, and meeting him for the first time... all at once... I feel like it's a crazy situation I've gotten myself in and I'm super stressed out about it. I'm having a lot of 'what if' moments, what if he doesn't feel the same way, what if something goes wrong? I can imagine it wouldn't be extremely different from skyping/going on cam with eachother, would it? Has anyone else been in a situation like this, or do you think it's absolutely mad?

[Mims27]

This is my honest opinion, and I hope it's not too harsh... But I personally would not do it. You've never even met this person. There has been cases on this site where when the couple met for the first time, it just didn't click. Would you want to drop everything and risk that happening? I'm not saying it would, but you never know. Having a relationship online and spending time together (or even living together) are two very different things.

My wife and I where a couple for over 5 years in LDR, with MANY visits, until she moved to be with me. And still living together for the first time was an adjustment. Not many bad ones but it just goes to show that even if you know the person, you don't 100% know them until you meet or live together.

If you are willing to take the risk and feel like you have nothing to lose, then go for it. But I personally wouldn't.

[kittyxuchiha11]

I'm definitely with Mims on this one. Last month I visited my SO for the second time and we spent 17 days together. Although i'd visited before and spent a week with her, living in the same space for all that time really put a lot of stress on us because we're both used to our own space. Staying with someone long term, never mind moving in with them is very very different from just talking online. My SO and I get on fine online but in real life she was there constantly 24/7 obviously and we both weren't prepared for the effect that would have on us. Our whole future plans have actually changed because of this visit and we now plan to be long distance for a lot longer so we can both work on ourselves so we can get to the point where we might be able to live together someday.

So bottom line, don't do it. Going to visit him and staying with him for awhile to see if you guys are okay in person is fine, but don't move to him until you are confident you guys will be fine. Best of luck

[Armortis]

Thanks for your honest opinion, it's not too harsh at all. I know I haven't met the person face to face, and honestly I don't really have anything to lose right now. Even if it doesn't work out romantically, I would still have a friend in him and living together would not be a problem.

Just right now, I have nowhere else to go, no job, no friends around here, and as silly as it may seem, I'm willing to risk the nothing I have to be with this person, for friendship or more. I've been over it with him before, that I'm worried things might not be the same when we meet, and no matter how worried I seem he tells me it will, that nothing will change - although I know there's a chance things could be completely different, he doesn't seem to see it that way.

If I could visit him I would, it would put my mind at ease for sure. I just have no way of getting there, and the same goes for him. So I'm torn between moving in with someone I've never seen in person, or to stay here and never meet him.

[Armortis]

Thank you, I've been trying to plan something, to go stay with him for a week or two for a while now but it's really difficult with the situation I'm currently in. I can imagine living together is different for sure, that's why I'm here for some advice.

I can keep trying to just visit, it might be hard but I think you two are right with just visiting for a while.