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1st visit and moving together??

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    #1

    1st visit and moving together??

    Hello everyone!

    My bf and me are now together for 2 years and we talk about moving together for a few months now. We haven't met eachother in real yet but our plan is that I will fly over and move to his place (from europe and we would do the spontaneous marriage thing so I get the card)

    My question is if you guys would do that...like moving in with someone you haven't seen in real yet?
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    #2
    I would do a lot more research if you are looking to move to another country and get married in hopes to stay in the country. It depends on the rules of the country you are moving to. Just because you get married doesn't necessarily mean you can stay.

    Also, I would stongly caution against moving before you have ever met IRL. Rarely, but it can happen, people who have that connection online don't have it in person. Definitely have multiple visits before moving. Best of luck.
    To those who dream, nothing is ever far away.

    ​Distance is to love as wind is to fire. It blows out the little ones and fans the big ones.

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      #3
      I second R&R. It happens very rarely, but you should definitely meet without this pressure and just get to know each other physically before you take that next step.


      It's a nice thought, but depending on where you are moving, the laws might be really strict and it might not work out as you plan it.

      Relationship began: 05/22/2012
      First Met: 03/21/2013 - 03/30/2013
      Second Visit: 06/06/2013 - 08/21/2013 ~ Proposal: 07/06/2013 ♥
      Third Visit: 10/09/2013 - 01/08/2013
      Closed the distance: 11/20/2014 ♥
      Married: 1/24/2015
      Became Resident: 9/14/2015

      Comment

        #4
        I moved in with someone I hadn't met in real life, and it didn't work out for me.

        You need to do a LOT more research. Depending on what country you're talking about, "dong the spontaneous marriage thing to get the card" may not even be legal. There are a few members here (Snow and myself included) who can talk to the difficulties of obtaining a US green card, for instance. Simply getting married is nowhere near enough.
        So, here you are
        too foreign for home
        too foreign for here.
        Never enough for both.
        Ijeoma Umebinyuo, Diaspora Blues

        Comment

          #5
          I also think it's not a good idea to say ''Hi, here I am, let's get married''. No matter how much you love each other now, you haven't been together yet. See if it works, always make sure there is a fail-safe somewhere, especially the first time around. If it works, take the next step. One step at the time, though. You can't run a mile in a second...
          Distance means nothing when someone means everything.

          Comment

            #6
            I would say meet at least once, and do your homework, and don't just get married on a whim. Really think about it, if it's what you really want, see if you both have a connection before you even decide to move in together. Otherwise you may regret it.

            Comment

              #7
              As many has said, you run a risk with this plan. You might not like each other as much and you might need breaks and adjustment time that you will not get if you go there right away.

              That is the mental side of it. There is also the practical side of this even being a real option. There may be places where this is an option, but most places they will consider it a fraud marriage if you marriage the first time you meet. That is because most people will want to meet in person, get to do things together and get to know each others' friends and family before tying the knot, and they will wonder why you did not take the time. In my country they would 100 % suspect that you did immigration fraud and that is a criminal offence.

              You also risk that they consider it a real marriage, but decline you living there with him if he can not prove that he can financially support you. Even if he can support you, you risk having to go back because you cant neccesarily wait while they processs you application.

              This depends on the laws of the country, but you catch the drift that there is a lot of things you have to prove for yourself.

              The usual way to get married and move permanently is to meet at least one time in person (to meet/get engaged) and before the 2rd or more visit apply for a fiance visa and get married that way.

              I will advice the two of you to study the rules for visas, marriage and immigration in your respective countries. If you want to, there are people from many countries here, so we might be able to help you understand the different options.

              I get that visits can be expensive, and there can be a lot of hassle with holiday time, and also that you long to live together, but there is reason why this is not usually done. I cant stress enough how important it is to meet in person not just to see if you are right for one another, but also to understand more of who the other person is. Especially if you come from different countries and there might be cultural differences that are not as visible online but more noticeable in person. If you meet up several times you get the chance to see them in different situations and to see how they are with other people.
              I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
              - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



              "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

              Comment

                #8
                Hey Shmall,
                I totally agree with the messages here about being very careful.
                You need to test the water before you dive in because you don't know how deep it is. In other words, you both need to meet in real life and see if you are compatible.

                Reality and online is completely different. This is why even though I have strong feelings for my SO, I will still meet him short first before knowing if we should continue. Worse come to worse, we both had our best moments but we were not right. That can happen with you also and marriage is a long way off.

                Comment

                  #9
                  Personally I wouldn't. I would like to know the person first in real life. It can b totally different. Also you need to discuss the practical arraingements. Do you financial means to support yourself? Does he have the financial means to suppot you and is he happy to do it since you don't know in real life? If you would be moving there no matter what then it can work. That way you are not moving there only for him and it's only a plus that he is there. But building a life together based on this I would be very causious.

                  I wouldn't also marry someone without living with them for a few years. I realize that this is not possible for everyone but I wouldn't do it either. The spontanious marriage makes it sound like you have not done a lot of research. sometimes etempore marriage can be more damaging than good for the green card. I'd suggest meeting at least once before jumping to living and marriage. or moving on a different type of visa and getting to know each other IRL.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    I agree with them, kinda risky, marriage is a big step, even though u have been together for 2 years, meet him in real couple of times at least n then think of marriage

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