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1 year apart with no visits

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    #1

    1 year apart with no visits

    This has probably been posted about before, but I started a long distance relationship about 2 1/2 months ago. We actually started as long distance, then lived in the same country for 10 months and got engaged, and now back at a distance. Of course, it's harder now as the love has grown. We live in different countries with 7 time zones in between. I moved to his country but now I'm back to the US to start on a PhD. I have to be here for 12 months (so now down to 9 1/2 months). There's only one opportunity for me to visit him next month, but I'm not sure if I should go. It's expensive and exhausting for me to make the trip, and I need my energy for classes in the fall. He also does not have much time to spend with me because of his job and he can't really take time off (he's a doctor/surgeon).

    He's much less emotional than me and thinks 1 year is nothing. I am always on an emotional ride it seems. I feel like 1 year is endless. Has anyone spent 1 year without any visits in their relationships and have any advice? Do you think I should make the trip? It's only been 2 1/2 months and I really miss him and feel so lonely at times
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    #2
    Many of us have... My lady and me will only meet for the first time 26 months after our relationship started! That is a long time. Try to focus on what you have, and not what you don't have. Also focus on your daily life and not think of 'back there'. The 'what ifs' are going to make you depressed. Good luck
    Distance means nothing when someone means everything.

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      #3
      Thanks for your reply. It makes me feel better that others are in similar situations. I will try to only focus on my daily life and think about the positive future. Good luck to you too!

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        #4
        Thank you. I'll manage. And I am not alone, too. Enjoy ever second you chat / cam with your parnter, and for the rest try to keep busy. It works for us.
        Distance means nothing when someone means everything.

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          #5
          I saw my OH last May and with everything that is going on work wise for him I am not sure when I will be seeing him (plans for this year have just fallen through). Don't get me wrong, it has been hard (and some times are harder than others), but you can get through it. We chat daily which helps.


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            #6
            When my SO and I first got together, we were able to see each other every 3-5 months. Then, we had an 18-month gap. Right now, it's been 8 months since our last visit (and we got married on that visit - so 8 months and I'm a "newlywed" who doesn't see her husband). It can be done.

            I make sure that I'm busy with my own life and work on things that will help our future. During our time togther I want back to school for my Associates. Once I found out closing the distance was going to be longer that we thought, I went back to school and right now I'm working towards my Bachelors. That takes a lot of time. We talk and text. The time actually goes by pretty fast.
            To those who dream, nothing is ever far away.

            ​Distance is to love as wind is to fire. It blows out the little ones and fans the big ones.

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              #7
              Anything can be done. It is possible to not see your SO for a year. I just visited SO after almost 6 months. We could have lasted longer, too, but I am glad we made the visit happen. Our visits are worth all the time and money we spend on them, even if SO works almost every visit.
              I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
              - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



              "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

              Comment

                #8
                After those 12 months you are going to close the distance and be together for good?
                Oh yes, that can be easily done!

                My last visit was in December and I haven't seen my husband until the end of November the next year. It was tough, but we knew once I had the visa, we would be together and so we just did what we had to do!

                Relationship began: 05/22/2012
                First Met: 03/21/2013 - 03/30/2013
                Second Visit: 06/06/2013 - 08/21/2013 ~ Proposal: 07/06/2013 ♥
                Third Visit: 10/09/2013 - 01/08/2013
                Closed the distance: 11/20/2014 ♥
                Married: 1/24/2015
                Became Resident: 9/14/2015

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                  #9
                  I doubt they are closing the distance, but maybe after the 12 months she can visit more frequently for the remaining time of the PhD.
                  I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
                  - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



                  "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Thank you all for your reassuring replies and stories. You all have inspirational stories. It sounds like it's going to be a hard year but it's doable. I will stay positive!


                    The distance won't completely be completely closed, but I'll be more flexible. So our time apart may last maximum 2 months, which is not bad at all. Only 9 1/2 months left until then!

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                      #11
                      Thats what I am going through right now, we are both only free in the summer to visit each other, what with him being a school teacher and tutor. I got to spend amazing 8 days this July with him, but we wont be able to make any visits till next summer sadly. But what helps for me is, we talk almost every night(weather that be video chatting or just a phone call), we text each other through out the day, even if the other cant respond right away its ok, thats what text is all about it, it doesnt have to be right away. When we first started out he was in france (he was teaching over there) and so some times it was super late or even into the morning for him but only evening or night for me, but we still talked or texted each other when ever we could. maybe try to set one night a week where you can just video chat till you fall asleep or do date night things you can find on this site. Tell him your feeling, communication is the key. Also I found out that keeping busy, so you dont have time to sit and wallo over being lonely works, maybe meet a friend that you can hang out with or message that can help you fight the loneliness for time being.

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                        #12
                        I am in the same situation! We are only able to visit in the summer time, he is a student and I have a job that allows me to have a summer vacation.
                        Timezones make a huge difference in communication times; we don't get much of it, especially when we get busy during the times we are usually both awake.
                        But, we make it work out.
                        Nice to meet you!


                        Follow our story on Tumblr~

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                          #13
                          I hope you guys find a way to have at least one day a week to set an hour to just talk. I like sending him messages to wake up to in the morning and I know I love waking up to a message to him. It lets me know he is thinking of me and vise versa. It's nice to meet you too! Its so nice to have someone to talk too that is going through something similar.

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                            #14
                            I don't think he sends me much messages to wake up to, but we have developed our own little way of keeping up with things.
                            We have been at least sending a text to one another for the duration of our relationship, we haven't really had a day where we haven't found a way to communicate to one another, even when we go off and vacation elsewhere separately.


                            Follow our story on Tumblr~

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                              #15
                              I can definitely understand the struggle with the time zones. Especially on busy days, it makes talking very difficult. We've been apart for almost 4 months now. It is not getting easier, but I guess I've adjusted. Today I'm particularly sad, but keeping busy definitely helps. Video chats are the best for sure.

                              Nice to meet both of you and good luck with your relationships!

                              Comment

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