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    #1

    first time meeting... second guessing

    My SO and I met online in August 2016 on social media about a year ago and have been talking ever since. He is two years younger than me, about to enter college. I am in my senior year of college. Our conversations were always exciting, hilarious and effortless, and we had the same taste and passion in music and teaching. After talking to him for a year, we decided to meet. We JUST spent five beautiful days together, sightseeing, cuddling, kissing, getting intimate with each other for the first time. It was fantastic and we clicked even more than we thought we would. However, he is a virgin (I am not) and a few times during his visit to my hometown, we fought about intimacy. We'd get impatient with each other, get tired or just become frustrated that some of our experiences didn't feel as amazing as we had hoped. After today, he flew back home. He and I live 1500 miles away.

    I will be turning 21 in less than a month and I will be going to bars and taking part in social drinking. Please don't get me wrong, I love this man to pieces and the last thing I would ever want to do is hurt him. But during the visit, he would point out that he didn't deserve me and that I deserved someone much better. But I DO want to fight to be with him, and I KNOW we would live a truly amazing life together. I truly want that to happen.

    I JUST joined this forum. PLEASE any experienced LDRers out there: I'd love to hear stories/advice/opinions on how I can stay devoted to him.

    Thanks so much for reading and sorry for this novel of a post haha
    Last edited by headup129; August 1, 2017, 10:43 PM.
    Tags: agedifference, cheating, firstmeeting, metonline
    #2
    Well I think you should have a conversation with your SO about this.

    But honestly, if you cannot commit to your partner, you should let him know and maybe not be with him if he is not okay with you sleeping with other people. I know there are open relationships in LDs where both partners decide together that they can sleep with people who are closer to them, but that's not for us to decide. That's up to you and your partner.

    If you want to have an open relationship, talk to your partner. If you feel like staying faithful (if he wants you to) is too hard, let him know and let him go.

    Just as a side note - just because you can go to bars and drink alcohol doesn't mean you have to hook up with people. Sex is not necessary a part of going to a bar.

    Relationship began: 05/22/2012
    First Met: 03/21/2013 - 03/30/2013
    Second Visit: 06/06/2013 - 08/21/2013 ~ Proposal: 07/06/2013 ♥
    Third Visit: 10/09/2013 - 01/08/2013
    Closed the distance: 11/20/2014 ♥
    Married: 1/24/2015
    Became Resident: 9/14/2015

    Comment

      #3
      Thanks SO much for your reply and advice! I know for a fact that he doesn't want an open LDR. And I reassure HIM all the time that very same thing you brought up "sex is not a necessary part of going to a bar." He just brings up the cheating thing so much that I get paranoid. I love him and I don't want to let him go. Was it difficult for you with long distance to stay faithful to your partner or was it always fairly easy?

      Comment

        #4
        It was really not that difficult! I knew I wanted to be with him and since we both spend most of our days on our computers, it was like hanging out "for real" anyways.
        When he hung out with people, I knew I could trust him and he wouldn't give up what we had just to be with someone closer. If you connect deeply it's easier but honestly, take it easy! Don't worry about sex and all that stuff, just be in your relationship and enjoy knowing your SO loves you!

        Relationship began: 05/22/2012
        First Met: 03/21/2013 - 03/30/2013
        Second Visit: 06/06/2013 - 08/21/2013 ~ Proposal: 07/06/2013 ♥
        Third Visit: 10/09/2013 - 01/08/2013
        Closed the distance: 11/20/2014 ♥
        Married: 1/24/2015
        Became Resident: 9/14/2015

        Comment

          #5
          Snow gives great advice....but this time I disagree with her. Maybe it's because I am older and more experienced, however, in my opinion that fact that you are worried you will cheat because you will be drinking speaks VOLUMES. I go to bars. I drink. I've had plenty of opportunity to sleep with men....and I have the means to rent a hotel room whenever I want, or even bring them back to my house. But I don't. I love my HUSBAND. And even when he's not here, I STILL love my husband. And I am not remotely interested in anyone else. You say you can see yourself having a lovely life with this young man, but you think you will start sleeping around when you start drinking? Sounds to me like you are getting your excuses lined up and ready to go.
          sigpic

          I love him. Forever. And every day after that.

          Comment

            #6
            I agree with some points of both Tara and snow, however I would suggest maybe something else...

            If you're worried drinking alcohol might cause problems whilst out, maybe drink at home with friends who you know and trust and in an environment where you're less likely to get involved with someone else?

            Comment

              #7
              Originally posted by Honour View Post
              I agree with some points of both Tara and snow, however I would suggest maybe something else...

              If you're worried drinking alcohol might cause problems whilst out, maybe drink at home with friends who you know and trust and in an environment where you're less likely to get involved with someone else?
              Or just don't drink alcohol at all.
              Distance means nothing when someone means everything.

              Comment

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