Trust and insecurity issues caused by my last visit to my BF

[summerlily72]

Hi everyone,

So, I just left from a visit to my BF in Texas. I haven't seen him in 4 months. Our relationship has had some trust issues with other girls which makes distance difficult. My BF has a pornography problem a few years ago. We got through it. However, given his prior problem with that stuff, I don't like him watching movies with naked girls. When I went to visit him, he had already bough two DVD which he already watched. On Friday night, he watched Harold and Kumar which had "bottomless party" scene!! Literally, there were 25 naked girls with full view of the vaginas. It was so graphic. The scene lasted for 5 min. On Saturday night, he watched another one with tones of naked girls!!!

I get so upset, mad, and angry. I Hate that he watches a movie and with completely naked girls right in front of me. Don't be staring at other naked girls. I am not the most beautiful girl in the world so it makes me super insecure. I get so jealous and have anxiety. What else is he doing?


It makes doing distance really hard

[Chifuyu4]

I want to say that you can get through this too like the other problem, but it seems like he might not have improved. With distance there needs to be a lot more trust. talk to him honestly about your feelings again, but if this kind of this continues it might not be a good sign for the future. Good luck!

[AnnaCh]

I completely understand where you're coming from. You have a right to be upset but what you need to do now is to set aside some time and have a heart to heart conversation with him. Expecting him to read your mind and then magically heal your relationship is silly and damaging. Write down why it concerns you that he watched those movies with both kindness and firmness. Once you've finished, tell him you would like to have a serious call and talk about a few things on your heart. Read off the concerns you have in regards to the whole movie ordeal but take the time to listen to his side of things. Let me know how it goes from there.

- Anna

[hmrambling]

Welcome to LFAD!

Who determined that he had a porn problem in the past? Did he determine that he had a porn problem in the past? If so, what was his solution/resolution with porn?

Also, Harold and Kumar is meant to be a comedy. Even though the unrated movie has naked women in it, there is not naked sex in the video AFAIK. So are you saying that you should be able to monitor what he watches, because this movie is not porn. Is it tacky? Yes. Is it porn? No.

Please discuss openly with him how you feel. I would understand his defense if he argues that it is not porn. I do think it is important that you let your feelings be known. However, I would fully expect him to explain that he doesn't see that as porn. My SO and I would never watch movies with a lot of gratuitous nudity together. I think it would be disrespectful of me to go out and get that sort of movie for us to watch together if she weren't into it. Perhaps this is a learning opporunity.