I feel super bad for her paying for our first meeting.

[ASquirrel]

Hello,

This summer me and my girlfriend are going to meet for the first time (We are both 18), we decided to go to Algarve (Portugal) together.
Great idea overall, but such a trip is ofcourse quite expensive. For me it's not really a problem. But she has saved money for such a long time now. And I feel really bad for her having to pay half of the trip.
Because of this I don't want to suggest too many expensive things, but yet I do want her to have a great time whilst being there.
So once I offered to pay a little extra so she wouldn't have to pay so much she got mad, which actually resulted into our first fight.

Should I just let her pay? Or try to approach the situation in a different way?

[kittyo9]

Let her pay-- it is her money and she is allowed to handle it as she pleases. What you can do is make sure that everything you choose to do is agreed on by both of you, so that no one feels like they're paying for something they won't enjoy.

You can also alternate paying for things-- for example, one person covers food costs while the other covers lodging expenses, or one covers lunch while the other covers dinner. If you do this, though, you have to be comfortable with uneven costs. I have used this method on trips with my SO in the past where he would cover food and I'd cover lodging-- the lodging is usually a little more expensive, but that works out fine for me because I'm able to contribute more financially. Since he was actively covering food costs, he still felt like he was contributing significantly to the trip.

Money can be a very stressful issue for couples and it's important to discuss your spending and saving habits early on. Remember that it is not your job to manage her finances, and as individuals you will have to make both joint and separate financial decisions.

[calisto]

Haha, that's funny cause my SO and I have had the same issue regarding my first visit to his country. He felt like I was doing too much since I covered 100% of my expenses, from plane tickets to accomodation. He wanted to "give me back" and I didn't want to accept, simply because I think that he doesn't owe me anything. Actually, it wouldn't have been that much of a problem if he wasn't sacrificing himself in order to pay me half of my expenses. I didn't want him strech himself to impossible lenghts due to a silly thought that he owes me something.

If she insists that you don't need to pay anything, listen to her. I spent months saving every cent and quite a bit of money on that trip but I wasn't thinkning about receiving anything back. I just wanted to be with him and that's all. It was possible for me in that moment but for him wasn't and that's okay. In order to balance things a bit, you could offer to pay for food, dates, share lodging... Like kittyo9 said. I think that if she knows that you're willing to help it's already a great step