Any advice for when you have to say goodbye?

[louise97]

Hi,

I'm not 100% sure how this works but I thought I'd have a go as I really need some advice!

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half now and of course our relationship requires us both to fly pretty frequently. Everything in our relationship is going great and for the most part I can cope with long distance really well, the only exception being when we have to say goodbye to each other. I don't mean I get a little bit upset at the airport, I mean I go into full breakdown mode. I am usually a really together and confident person with no problems keeping my emotions in check but when I have to leave him I'm inconsolable. I have had panic attacks on planes when leaving him, I've (embarrassingly) had to sit at the back of the plane with the cabin crew because I couldn't calm myself down (on two separate occasions!). I think my emotions just snowball for some reason, it's a mixture of sadness, panic and then claustrophobia that really tips me over the edge.

I'm usually perfectly OK, I'm a confident person that can handle anything 99% of the time but this truly is my Achilles heel. I have tried sleeping pills to calm me, meditation e.t.c but nothing so far has worked in helping keep my emotions at bay enough to survive the flight home. Does anyone have any advice on how they tackle sadness/panic when leaving their partner? Or even any advice for long plane journeys?

[ChrisVesters]

Well, I don't really have any good advice.
When we have to say goodbye, I always end up crying.

What does help a bit is if we already know when we will see each other again.

You would think it would get better the more you meet, but that's not true for me.
It evens seems to become harder and harder.

So I am interested to hear other people's advice as well.

[ruya]

I don't know about plane rides, but i can tell you my experiences

I enter bus/train quickly if i leave, or if he is leaving, i'm trying to say goodbye quickly and leave the station before the vehicle starts moving.
With planes it's a bit more tricky, so i'm not sure how to help. But i would say that it's easier if it's quicker, if you don't prolong and try to catch one more kiss, one more hug.. also somehow trying to not think too much about it. For me this goes for the night before leaving too. It can ruin the last day and night if i start panicking over someone leaving. So when i get these thoughts, i try to stop them. Same when i enter the bus, the whole ride i'm trying to not cry and not think about the distance. I try to make plans in my head, like i imagine us a few years from now, together, happy.. and somehow, it calms me down, knowing that it's only temporary and that time heals.

For me, pain starts once i enter my home. First few days suck...

I always read advices like "stay busy" but i would also add, don't listen to sad songs, don't think about what you did together at a specific place when you pass it, like things that remind you of this person are IMO not good when you are so vulnerable. You should only nurture good emotions, memories and imagining things that bring you peace and relief.

Close your eyes, breathe, think about beautiful things, create your future in your head, relax in plane seat with nice relaxing music.

Trust me, i know what it feels like to be hysterical about leaving, but this is the best i can do.. sometimes i can't even help myself

[Sunshinewings]

The original post is a few months old but I thought I would share my two cents. The last time I left my (not really official, but as far as I know we are exclusive, it's only been a few months) special man, I was inconsolable. The goodbye was so neutral, granted I had to leave at 4 am and when I tried to wake him up to say goodbye it was almost like he didn't care one way or another, but I would like to think he was just half asleep. By the time I got to the airport my face and shirt were soaked with tears. I cried all the way through security, at the gate, on the plane, and for days after. I just couldn't stop. There was a weird disconnect when I got home, which we worked through, but it was a lot harder on me than him. I'm supposed to go back next weekend to see him but already dreading leaving, so much so that I can't even focus on the fact that I get 3 whole days with him. Add to that the fact that we are both commitment phobes but can't seem to let each other go. Anyway I don't have any advice to offer, just that I understand exactly how you feel.

[MsGrim]

Of course we all have these hard to get through goodbyes- I just had one yesterday, actually. Its difficult, I breakdown in the car before I even drive off. I visit by driving since its only 5 hours but my drive home is always longer than it really is. I will re-mention what a previous poster said and try not to think about it, listen to music that's relaxing, think about things that will take your mind off of the distance. In all efforts, really try and set your next visit in stone. Although this is harder on me and my SO, we like to talk about this before I even leave.

The next few days after leaving are always rough (especially when I have to be at work) but I normally try to put it in the back of my mind and focus on anything positive. When I am home, I will sometimes let my self just cry it out. You may not think this helps, but there's nothing like sitting in the shower balling like a baby lol. For the most part I feel much better after getting it all out.

Being in a long distance relationship is proving to be one of the most difficult things I have ever voluntarily put myself through, but damn (excuse my language) its worth it! Stay positive!! and the best of luck to you and your SO.