Finally happening

[D_M]

Firstly thanks to all those who have given their support and friendship. This site has been a really great place for me. So thanks all.

Anyway, so finally, after 8 months the borders are finally open and I have booked a flight for just after Christmas. I can't wait.

Admittedly I am a bit nervous, very excited and overall very happy. I still get anxiety too.

Funnily enough, when the borders were confirmed open, I felt like crying, in joy and relief. I was so happy, we both were. After that, I was suprised that one of my overwhelming feeling was one of exhaustion! It has been so long waiting, hoping, making plans only to cancel... the constant uncertainty. You all know. You are all going through it. And I ahve to consider myself one of hte lucky ones through this covid. If my OS was overseas, we'd still be in this uncertainyl... but with vaccines emerging I'd say to you all, hold on, we are getting to the end of this and soo, we'll be in normal LDR (as if that's not stressful enough LOL).

Anyway, I wanted to share some good news. I am going to her city, we're gettign an appartment and we are going to hold hands, laugh together, kiss, fall asleep in each other's arms, wake up together... all the little things that so many people take for granted, I think that's what I am looking forward to most.

It's also our first meeting IRL, - we met online at the beginning of Covid and I've never felt such connection, although the journey has been at times hard, and at times magical.

So if anyone has any tips, suggestions, funny anecdotes, pearls of wisdom.... feel free to add them here :-)

For now, all I can say is I am so happy, so glad and relieved. And as the day gets closer, I'll be so excited and nervous but most of all so much in love, and cannot wait now to our day fast approaching.

[vivid_idea]

Oh yay D_M! I am reading your post and getting excited over here for you!!

This is so exciting! First meetings are such a huge experience. Something you will both remember for the rest of your lives! I hope it is everything you both have dreamed of, and more. I'm telling you, it's totally possible.

Pearls of wisdom??? Hmmmm well, I guess I would just say to really enjoy all the moments you have together. Don't hold back. When my SO flew from Berlin to Adelaide, he came for 3 weeks. I got used to the time and it went by soooo fast. It was hard to anticipate what it was going to be like to have him leave again. So, after he left I started to think of things I wished we had done. BUT I guess it's impossible not to wish some things went differently.

How long will you stay with her for? What's the plan?

So...short story with moral: really really appreciate the time. It will go so fast! I hope you have a real blast together. Keep us posted D_M

And again, SO EXCITED FOR YOU! It's great having you as part of the community here.

[D_M]

Thank you Vivid_Idea. I wish I had better news.

It has been so exciting; my OS has packed, we've booked an apartment to stay in, as well as some activities. We were going to spend New Years Eve together. We couldn't wait...

Then this week, as I'm sure you saw in the news, there is suddenly a Covid outbreak in Sydney and WA have closed the borders.

I'm devastated. I know there are people, including yourself, who have a lot longer to wait than I do.
But, in my mind, I was already on the plane. I had imagined, dreamed and envisioned our time together. We were already having conversations starting, "This time in two weeks..."
It is very hard to accept right now, as every state except WA is only quarantining the hotspot, which wouldn't affect me.... That may change in the coming days...

I am able to move my flights but I have lost all the money for the accommodation. That is the least of my concerns other than it makes it difficult to make alternative arrangements. I am just so disappointed and Christmas/New Year has gone from looking like on of the best ever to pretty certainly my worst ever. I'm still in shock to be truthful.

[vivid_idea]

Oh D_M, my heart is breaking for you right at this minute too. I was wondering if the new outbreak in the Sydney Northern Beaches was going to affect your plans.....

I understand it must be so bitterly disappointing to have your plans thwarted like that. I wish I could do something to help. Just know that you guys are strong, and it's not your fault and there was nothing you could have done to change it. You will get your chance again, hopefully sooner than you think!

Again I am just so sorry to hear this. Yes I have to wait longer but I think it would be harder to know you were so close and to face the sudden change and disappointment. This COVID situation is just so damn rough on all of us, who are longing to be in the arms of our loved ones.

YOU WILL GET THRU THIS AND YOU WILL SEE EACH OTHER SOON. STAY STRONG AND BELIEVE IN THE LOVE YOU HAVE FOR EACH OTHER. Come back to vent with us if you need to.

[D_M]

Thanks so much Vivid_Idea,
I really appreciate your support.
I'm still feel really down about it. I think I've accepted it and feel positive and then suddenly, I feel gutted again when something reminds me of what I will be missing, of how close we came. I don't know how I'm going to feel when the day of the flight comes. I was walking by the river the other day and saw a young couple dancing shyly. Their closeness was so cute and beautiful. It warmed my heart, but also broke it. I was blinking back tears as I walked for a good 5 minutes after.
My SO seems to be much better at accepting this than I do. Our situations are different. She has a lot of close friends and family around her. I am mostly on my own. I have a brother nearby who I will spend Christmas with, but otherwise no close contacts except my son, who I have not seen in 5 months and I don't expect to see over Christmas either. I am not from here so haven't built a strong social group outside of work yet.
Before things got as bad as they did, my SO and were considering meeting in a neutral city we could both fly to (eg Adelaide) but after some thought, my SO said she'd decided not to go there and to wait for April, our next chance, instead (although I plan sooner). That hurt me as I feel like I would try anything. But in fairness to my SO, she has money constrains and her plan IS the more sensible plan.
And now, of course, it all becomes moot as every state has closed it's borders anyway, and by the time they open, my work will be full on and I won't be able to travel until March or April.
I find I am fragile. My anxiety has returned, off and on, with concerns about "will we make it, will I get a Dear John email or call". I can feel the fear inside of me, mixed with pain and loneliness. Even though texts and talk with my SO are all good... I feel like she is the light and my anxiety is the voice waiting in the shadows. And when I don't hear from her, that voice gets louder.
I am just exhausted. Emotionally, this has been a very tough year from various directions, and this now, just as were were about to meet, has been like being tripped up at the end of a marathon, just in sight of the finish line. And it is hard to pick myself up. Although I will.
Sorry for the whinge and thanks again for your support.

[kate04]

I've just seen this - I have had to take a break as my anxiety has sky rocketed.

I feel for you I really do. I know exactly what you are going through. My first meeting with my SO was cancelled because of Covid in March - 3 days before I was due to fly.

I have no idea when I'll see him. Probably the best part of a year if transatlantic flights resume.

I am so sorry. It feel like a physical pain doesn't it. He handles it well but I've been up and down all year - a complete wreck.

I can only suggest you keep talking. Be honest about your feelings and keep communicating.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you.

[vivid_idea]

I know what has happened for the both of you, D_M and Kate04. I’m just so sorry this is the situation right now. It’s devastating. It really is.

I totally know how you feel about seeing other couples D_M. I recently moved to a beach suburb with my kids, and it’s great. We walk down to the beach most days, but every time I go down there I see couples everywhere. I feel I am the only one who is alone. I also sometimes have a strong physical reaction when I see people being close and intimate and sharing with each other. It really hurts. I long to feel the closeness of someone again, and I want that someone to be my SO so badly...

March/April might feel like forever away, but, you know what? It will go pretty quickly. I know it’s really hard to do this atm, but you have to remember to keep your life going and doing the things that still give you some happiness by yourself. It’s important to be able to do this when you are together or apart, but especially important when you are apart. Otherwise, that anxiety and time you spend pining will have an impact on your relationship, likely a negative one.

I think Xmas is a very emotional and difficult time of the year. For some reason it’s easier to think about what you wish you had. I am also pretty alone where I am. All my original friends and family live in Adelaide. I’ll spend Xmas with my kids but they will also be at their Dad’s. So I will have some of Xmas completely by myself, too. I’d do anything to have a low-key meal with my boyfriend and just go for a casual walk along the beach together.

I think it helps to vent and share your frustrations here. It’s a good space to do that as we can all relate and sympathise with each other in some way or another.

I so badly wish covid never happened. How different things would be for us all...

Kate, I really hope you are ok??! Are you and your SO still ok?

[Redheart14]

I feel for you all! My in laws finally got here to meet our daughter as soon as the nsw borders opened. Due to them being closed they didn’t get to see her until she was 7 weeks old. They had originally planned to be here for the birth. So lucky they came when they did as now the borders are shut again we have no idea when we’ll see them next. WA is really cracking down hard, but understandably now, especially with fears that a person from Melbourne who went to Sydney has now tested positive. I guess it’s better to be safe than sorry but it’s really hard because it’s like having a carrot dangled in front of you only to be snatched away. Fingers crossed this stays relatively contained and this can open up again soon.

[D_M]

I’d do anything to have a low-key meal with my boyfriend and just go for a casual walk along the beach together.

See I'm like that but right at this moment I don't feel my SO is in the same place and that makes this so much harder. We just have different approaches I think and because I am so raw at the moment it is hard to deal with that.

[D_M]

I feel for you all! My in laws finally got here to meet our daughter as soon as the nsw borders opened. Due to them being closed they didn’t get to see her until she was 7 weeks old. They had originally planned to be here for the birth. So lucky they came when they did as now the borders are shut again we have no idea when we’ll see them next. WA is really cracking down hard, but understandably now, especially with fears that a person from Melbourne who went to Sydney has now tested positive. I guess it’s better to be safe than sorry but it’s really hard because it’s like having a carrot dangled in front of you only to be snatched away. Fingers crossed this stays relatively contained and this can open up again soon.

That must have been tough Redheart14. I think there's so many tough stories. There must be 10s of thousands affected by this outbreak, and to think it all goes back to 1 single person in hotel quarantine and how that going into the community.
I'm aiming for a possible chance in late Feb/early March, when I get a gap in my calendar if the borders open in time :-/

[D_M]

I've just seen this - I have had to take a break as my anxiety has sky rocketed.

I feel for you I really do. I know exactly what you are going through. My first meeting with my SO was cancelled because of Covid in March - 3 days before I was due to fly.

I have no idea when I'll see him. Probably the best part of a year if transatlantic flights resume.

I am so sorry. It feel like a physical pain doesn't it. He handles it well but I've been up and down all year - a complete wreck.

I can only suggest you keep talking. Be honest about your feelings and keep communicating.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you.

I feel for you Kate04, that's a long time and still with such uncertainty. One thing in your favour is, hopfully, that the vaccines are rolling out in the US and UK and maybe those countries will restart international travel sooner than others.
Yep, physical pain is right. I find it awful weakening too.
I wish I could give you some useful advice around anxiety, other than keep busy and get good sleep. I get it bad also so know exactly what you are going through. It helps when your partner can be supportive, but not everyone has that as one of their strengths.
Good luck to you and take care.

[kate04]

Same to you and I apologise for the lack of constructive advice, but sometimes is 'good' to know that you're not alone; there are others that share the same predicament.
Have a happy and safe Christmas. Next year will be better.

[kate04]

I know what has happened for the both of you, D_M and Kate04. I’m just so sorry this is the situation right now. It’s devastating. It really is.

I totally know how you feel about seeing other couples D_M. I recently moved to a beach suburb with my kids, and it’s great. We walk down to the beach most days, but every time I go down there I see couples everywhere. I feel I am the only one who is alone. I also sometimes have a strong physical reaction when I see people being close and intimate and sharing with each other. It really hurts. I long to feel the closeness of someone again, and I want that someone to be my SO so badly...

March/April might feel like forever away, but, you know what? It will go pretty quickly. I know it’s really hard to do this atm, but you have to remember to keep your life going and doing the things that still give you some happiness by yourself. It’s important to be able to do this when you are together or apart, but especially important when you are apart. Otherwise, that anxiety and time you spend pining will have an impact on your relationship, likely a negative one.

I think Xmas is a very emotional and difficult time of the year. For some reason it’s easier to think about what you wish you had. I am also pretty alone where I am. All my original friends and family live in Adelaide. I’ll spend Xmas with my kids but they will also be at their Dad’s. So I will have some of Xmas completely by myself, too. I’d do anything to have a low-key meal with my boyfriend and just go for a casual walk along the beach together.

I think it helps to vent and share your frustrations here. It’s a good space to do that as we can all relate and sympathise with each other in some way or another.

I so badly wish covid never happened. How different things would be for us all...

Kate, I really hope you are ok??! Are you and your SO still ok?

I'm ok thank you for asking. It's been rough of late with this mutant covid in the UK. I think we are looking at Lockdown 3.0 from Boxing Day - there'll be some sort of announcement later. My SO and his eldest have both had Covid and there's been lots of contact with his ex re the youngest and looking after the eldest. I was on the edge of fine until the weekend when the wheels came off. I sometimes think I'm actually insane. He is fabulous though and talks me down and is so understanding. There seems to be so few restrictions in his state though, he has little real idea how bad it is here in the UK.

I also can't help but feel one day he'll snap and enough is enough. It doesn't help that I'm probably peri-menopausal too, because life just isn't challenging enough!

For now, I'm keeping busy. I'm lucky that mum (who is widowed) is 'allowed' to join us for Christmas as she's a single person so she can go to one family member's house. Others really aren't as fortunate. I'm attempting mindfulness and trying to stay positive.

My thoughts are with you and everyone who's stuck in limbo.

Thank you again for asking, my friend. And D_M sorry for hijacking your thread with my pity party!

[D_M]

No need to apologies at all for anything Kate04.
This thread (all threads) is for everyone and we're all in such similar situations it is good to share. I find the support here from your posts and Vivid_Idea's posts fantastic. I'd love someone to suggest some kind of instant secret magic cure for anxiety or let me know of an underground railway to get my past borders and see my OS, but unfortunately no such quick fixes exist. In the meantime we are all having to just weather the storm and keep on keeping on.
Knowing I have a place to go where people understand is a great solace for me.

[vivid_idea]

Perhaps it's some comfort to realise that these difficult situations present so much opportunity for personal growth. I know it might not be much comfort right now, but I have found that getting through the challenges together has helped me grow and become a more mature and understanding person. It's not a great comfort, but it is something to remember and strive for I think