Hi Everyone!
I came across this forum online and I thought maybe you could help me find some meaning in my really intricate long distance breakup. I'll try to be as "brief" as I can, then we can go on with the discussion if you'd like.
My ex and I met in London in 2019 during our masters, we were friends but didn't speak much. We actually had a crush for each other but were sort of dating other people so we did nothing about it. When Covid hit, he had to move back home to the USA.
We started talking online in November 2020 and we fell in love. He came back to London to visit at the end of April 2021 and it was amazing but unfortunately those days were ruined by the fact that I found out I had a tumour (that could be cancer) in March, so I was in constant pain and experienced a lot of stress and anxiety. I haven't told him because I didn't want to overcharge our relationship so soon.
On the night before he left we had a horrible fight due to the fact that I found out that he lied about being friends with his ex (I didn't mind them being friends but I didn't like that he lied about it). The stress of the tumour and the anger piled up so I became really dramatic, to the point that he started sobbing because he didn't know what to do. We both panicked a great deal but I guarantee this would not have happened if I wasn't very sick and in an altered state.
When he went back home to the US he said things like that should never happen again, and I agreed! I promised they would never, I apologised profusely, I confessed everything about the tumour and I committed to going to therapy to get help with the stress. He said he was happy to hear but after that call he started to pull away. He was actually in the midst of opening up a new company with a friend so he was really stressed and busy but he completely changed towards me.
A month later, I was due a surgery to remove the tumour and he said he wasn't sure about his feelings anymore so we decided to take a break for a month. During that month he reached out often by his own initiative and showed interest and jealousy. In the meantime my surgery went well and thankfully the tumour turned out to be definitely benign. I have an exciting life so I started going out and seeing friends a lot as soon as I felt a little better.
When we talked again at the end of our break, he said he had missed me but wanted to take things slowly, I agreed and came back to being the woman he once fell in love with.
Unfortunately, he barely communicated with me for 2 months after that. We exchanged a few lines every 2 / 3 days and never talked on the phone. It was nothing like the connection we used to have. I asked kindly to talk about things often, but he said he was too busy with work. I respected that.
Until one day, at the beginning of September, he broke up with me via text. He sent a letter and a gift afterwards saying that I am the most amazing woman he's ever met and that he wanted children with me but his feelings had changed. Needless to say I am still devastated. I feel responsible and cannot forgive myself.
I never dated anyone online before him so I'd love to learn from your experience. My ex thought I was perfect and possibly got really disappointed from what he saw when he came to visit but most of it was due to me being really sick at the time. Has anyone ever had a bad first meeting and is still together with their LD partner? Could you ever overcome it and still love them?
Can my ex miss me and regret breaking up with me if we really only spent one week together IRL as a couple? Can long distance bonds be as strong as in real life ones? I have a feeling that my ex already moved on and easily replaced me even if we were really happy for a while.
Thank you so so much for reading
I came across this forum online and I thought maybe you could help me find some meaning in my really intricate long distance breakup. I'll try to be as "brief" as I can, then we can go on with the discussion if you'd like.
My ex and I met in London in 2019 during our masters, we were friends but didn't speak much. We actually had a crush for each other but were sort of dating other people so we did nothing about it. When Covid hit, he had to move back home to the USA.
We started talking online in November 2020 and we fell in love. He came back to London to visit at the end of April 2021 and it was amazing but unfortunately those days were ruined by the fact that I found out I had a tumour (that could be cancer) in March, so I was in constant pain and experienced a lot of stress and anxiety. I haven't told him because I didn't want to overcharge our relationship so soon.
On the night before he left we had a horrible fight due to the fact that I found out that he lied about being friends with his ex (I didn't mind them being friends but I didn't like that he lied about it). The stress of the tumour and the anger piled up so I became really dramatic, to the point that he started sobbing because he didn't know what to do. We both panicked a great deal but I guarantee this would not have happened if I wasn't very sick and in an altered state.
When he went back home to the US he said things like that should never happen again, and I agreed! I promised they would never, I apologised profusely, I confessed everything about the tumour and I committed to going to therapy to get help with the stress. He said he was happy to hear but after that call he started to pull away. He was actually in the midst of opening up a new company with a friend so he was really stressed and busy but he completely changed towards me.
A month later, I was due a surgery to remove the tumour and he said he wasn't sure about his feelings anymore so we decided to take a break for a month. During that month he reached out often by his own initiative and showed interest and jealousy. In the meantime my surgery went well and thankfully the tumour turned out to be definitely benign. I have an exciting life so I started going out and seeing friends a lot as soon as I felt a little better.
When we talked again at the end of our break, he said he had missed me but wanted to take things slowly, I agreed and came back to being the woman he once fell in love with.
Unfortunately, he barely communicated with me for 2 months after that. We exchanged a few lines every 2 / 3 days and never talked on the phone. It was nothing like the connection we used to have. I asked kindly to talk about things often, but he said he was too busy with work. I respected that.
Until one day, at the beginning of September, he broke up with me via text. He sent a letter and a gift afterwards saying that I am the most amazing woman he's ever met and that he wanted children with me but his feelings had changed. Needless to say I am still devastated. I feel responsible and cannot forgive myself.
I never dated anyone online before him so I'd love to learn from your experience. My ex thought I was perfect and possibly got really disappointed from what he saw when he came to visit but most of it was due to me being really sick at the time. Has anyone ever had a bad first meeting and is still together with their LD partner? Could you ever overcome it and still love them?
Can my ex miss me and regret breaking up with me if we really only spent one week together IRL as a couple? Can long distance bonds be as strong as in real life ones? I have a feeling that my ex already moved on and easily replaced me even if we were really happy for a while.
Thank you so so much for reading
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