We finally met in real life..Now I'm heartbroken
I originally posted this as an update in a different thread. I felt perhaps I might get more advice if I repost as a new thread. I met my SO this past weekend for the first time. And here is how I feel only two days since I've returned home:
Hello all,
Well the first meeting happened and I'm so sorry to say that I am as heartbroken as ever. Please let me explain Warning-Long Post)
It started out wonderful.....I was texting him throughout my day on the day that I was flying there. I sent him picture messages when I was in the airport...at the gate...on the jetway..etc. He loved that. He was saying how nervous he was that I was almost there. When we talked he sounded so excited! Fast forward-ok so I land and I texted him 'TOUCHDOWN'...and then we were talking to each other the whole time I was walking through the airport making my way to baggage claim. When I finally was walking towards him..both of us still on our phones and realizing that we were staring at each other, I simply wanted to MELT. He immediately hugged me...kissed me...put his arm around me and we started walking and talking. He didn't care who was looking at us..he expressed his feelings openly and freely. He's reserved a nice hotel room for us so that's where we were headed. When we got there we kept talking and staring at each other...hugging and kissing...it was BLISS. I felt so at ease with him because we'd been talking/texting/skyping/emailing for 6 months..as a matter of fact this day was our 'monthversary'..6 months to the exact day. Well..one thing led to another and we became 'intimate'.Fast forward-->next day...he ordered breakfast for us and he rented a car and took me sightseeing all over his city. He took me to coffee houses and by the end of the day...a very nice restaurant. I was still feelin the BLISS. So in love i was (and still am). Ok here is where things began to change a little.....After the dinner at the restaurant, we went to his house. Once there he turned on the TV and the computer and the game system...we played a little PS3 and then he chose a movie on netflix and made us popcorn. This was nice..but I noticed that he was no longer hugging me or kissing me or gazing into my eyes..y'know...it seemed more like two friends instead of two lovers. When I would get close to him he would just not really do anything..he wouldn't respond anymore. The loving tone in his voice was now just monotone..i chalked it up to fatigue. I knew I'd be leaving the next day and I was wanting that connection..something i could leave with and hold on to until the next time we meet. We ended up falling asleep. Next day when he was even more distant..to the point where i said to him..'What's up? why aren't you touching me? ' He was on facebook...watchin football..etc i said to him...'are we going to make love before i leave for good?' He gave me a bunch of reasons for NO: My knees bother me...i dont want u to get pregnant, my back..etc But more than what he was saying was how he was saying it....kind of 'cold'. I begin to cry and he says that I'm making this all about sex..oh man it was going downhill. So no amount of anything would make him revert back to his loving ways from the night we met. He was nice..yes...cordial...yes...but ...He even let me know that I didn't look how he expected (not as svelte as he thought i's be). From that point on I was fighting back tears..all the way until we were back at the airport and saying our goodbyes. I wrote him an email telling him how much I loved him and enjoyed my time and then I called him and asked him what he thought of my email...Long story short this question led to a conversation where he revealed that he was not enjoying himself when we were 'intimate' , he's having doubts about the relationship, the visit didn't measure up to his preconcieved thoughts of how it would be( i think 'not as awesome as i thought it would be' is how he put it) and he wants to slow things down and 'maybe in a few months..we can see where we're at'..and the most hurtful of all....when i asked if he is still in love with me...he wouldnt answer..he just would say..'i am still hopeful to have that connection with someone' ****i am HEARTBROKEN.....i can't sleep..i can't eat.....i literally feel like dying. I asked him if he wanted to continue this..and he said that yes he did..but at a slower pace and us just living our lives separately. I feel so alone now.
Hello all,
Well the first meeting happened and I'm so sorry to say that I am as heartbroken as ever. Please let me explain Warning-Long Post)
It started out wonderful.....I was texting him throughout my day on the day that I was flying there. I sent him picture messages when I was in the airport...at the gate...on the jetway..etc. He loved that. He was saying how nervous he was that I was almost there. When we talked he sounded so excited! Fast forward-ok so I land and I texted him 'TOUCHDOWN'...and then we were talking to each other the whole time I was walking through the airport making my way to baggage claim. When I finally was walking towards him..both of us still on our phones and realizing that we were staring at each other, I simply wanted to MELT. He immediately hugged me...kissed me...put his arm around me and we started walking and talking. He didn't care who was looking at us..he expressed his feelings openly and freely. He's reserved a nice hotel room for us so that's where we were headed. When we got there we kept talking and staring at each other...hugging and kissing...it was BLISS. I felt so at ease with him because we'd been talking/texting/skyping/emailing for 6 months..as a matter of fact this day was our 'monthversary'..6 months to the exact day. Well..one thing led to another and we became 'intimate'.Fast forward-->next day...he ordered breakfast for us and he rented a car and took me sightseeing all over his city. He took me to coffee houses and by the end of the day...a very nice restaurant. I was still feelin the BLISS. So in love i was (and still am). Ok here is where things began to change a little.....After the dinner at the restaurant, we went to his house. Once there he turned on the TV and the computer and the game system...we played a little PS3 and then he chose a movie on netflix and made us popcorn. This was nice..but I noticed that he was no longer hugging me or kissing me or gazing into my eyes..y'know...it seemed more like two friends instead of two lovers. When I would get close to him he would just not really do anything..he wouldn't respond anymore. The loving tone in his voice was now just monotone..i chalked it up to fatigue. I knew I'd be leaving the next day and I was wanting that connection..something i could leave with and hold on to until the next time we meet. We ended up falling asleep. Next day when he was even more distant..to the point where i said to him..'What's up? why aren't you touching me? ' He was on facebook...watchin football..etc i said to him...'are we going to make love before i leave for good?' He gave me a bunch of reasons for NO: My knees bother me...i dont want u to get pregnant, my back..etc But more than what he was saying was how he was saying it....kind of 'cold'. I begin to cry and he says that I'm making this all about sex..oh man it was going downhill. So no amount of anything would make him revert back to his loving ways from the night we met. He was nice..yes...cordial...yes...but ...He even let me know that I didn't look how he expected (not as svelte as he thought i's be). From that point on I was fighting back tears..all the way until we were back at the airport and saying our goodbyes. I wrote him an email telling him how much I loved him and enjoyed my time and then I called him and asked him what he thought of my email...Long story short this question led to a conversation where he revealed that he was not enjoying himself when we were 'intimate' , he's having doubts about the relationship, the visit didn't measure up to his preconcieved thoughts of how it would be( i think 'not as awesome as i thought it would be' is how he put it) and he wants to slow things down and 'maybe in a few months..we can see where we're at'..and the most hurtful of all....when i asked if he is still in love with me...he wouldnt answer..he just would say..'i am still hopeful to have that connection with someone' ****i am HEARTBROKEN.....i can't sleep..i can't eat.....i literally feel like dying. I asked him if he wanted to continue this..and he said that yes he did..but at a slower pace and us just living our lives separately. I feel so alone now.
you're not a bad person because someone took advantages of your feeling 
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