If the visa had gone through okay, he would have been landing in this country approximately now. I'm not as bummed out now as I thought I would be to be honest, kind of got it all out of my system when the actual rejection came through, but it has been hard not to think about what I had planned while sitting at my desk this week; particularly since I have been having such a shocking time at work! He has stopped sulking about the rejection as well, so is talking about applying again (all the while saying he would prefer me to go there), but I feel that it is too late in the year for that. If he applies now, he'll get here just in time for the winter. If we happen to have a hard winter we'll just be trapped in my house or a hotel room for a couple of weeks, which doesn't appeal to me as I really want to show him what the country has to offer at its best for the first visit. Plus he thinks that 16 degrees Centigrade is cold, I think -5 would be a bit of a shock to his system for a first visit! When I came back from his last Christmas I went from 33 degrees there, to 16 degrees night time temperature in Qatar to -4 when I stepped out of arrivals in Heathrow airport. I think he would turn around and get back on the plane
So I have been increasingly thinking about going to see him at the end of this year, probably not missing Christmas and New Year again as my family would never forgive me for missing it here two years in a row, but maybe November time. His birthday is in November after all, plus that would be a convenient time for my work colleagues for me to disappear for a week. One issue I am having in my mind (which is a bit of a silly one) is that he has practically demanded that I visit him in December, he just takes it for granted that I will. I told him loads of times before that I won't because of the upset it would cause my family and I nearly lost my job when I went before. There have been a few fairly fundamental and opposing views on the world starting to creep up to the surface recently, and while they are being handled well and not much of an issue at the moment, I have no wish to bend to his demand for the fear that he will suddenly think me an obedient doormat. On the other hand, I really do want to see him sooner than in a year’s time.
The other big issue is my family. Both my Mum and my Grandma suffer big time from anxiety, and me going to Kenya last year properly stressed them out, and the epic fall out it caused stressed me out big time too. Considering that I came back with absolutely shocking food poisoning combined with a malaria-like illness last time I don't think me going again will do them any good. I'm always saying to my other family members that it is not fair on me to have to not do things in my life for fear of making them anxious (I'm 22 and my Mum still gets stressed when I go anywhere on my own, even work), but it is hard when the tears and the tantrums come out to ignore them. I like to do the decent thing and give as much notice as possible, but that only gives them more time to lay on the tears and the guilt.
I think I'm going to go flight window shopping and see if I can pluck up the courage.
Maybe try just letting your mother and grandmother know you've prepared precautions for your upcoming trip (had all the recommended shots, medications, etc. and that you'll be cautious)? It's harder to deal with family discomfort but hopefully that doesn't prevent a visit.
As for my Mum and Grandma, I went through all that with them last time. I took every precaution I could and I already had every vaccine available to me from other travels. I had anti-malarials which I took as required but one night I got bitten nearly seventy times by mosquitos (got the photos to prove it) I don't remember much about the night other than lying on the stone floor at about 2am trying to get cool because I felt so hot and ill that I didn't even know who I was anymore. My boyfriend said they nearly took me straight to hospital that night because I was talking jibberish and shaking like a leaf, fun times! I got food poisoning about a week later, took all the treatment I was prescribed while in Kenya, then sought further medical treatment when I got back to the UK. I was ill for about a month after I got back. My family certainly have not forgot the state I came back in, and to be honest it's not completely out of my mind either!! Although despite that, I did have an amazing time when I wasn't zonked out by the cocktail of pills I was put on.
My Mum just says "I don't know why you want to go back, you've already seen him once this year." Oh sorry mother for wanting to see my boyfriend for two weeks of the year