((probably gonna ramble, sorry))

I feel like I'm finally slowing down after being like NYOOOOOMMMM for the past couple years in my love life. I hit 21, and then all of a sudden I went on this crazy streak of not being single for very long. Granted, it was only 4 people (not counting my fling with my professor), but it eventually caught up to me to where I started to feel very overwhelmed with myself. I understand my metaphorical tissue box wasn't in risk of running out, but it felt like it was and it felt like I needed to stop pulling out tissues.

So, of course, I go to London feeling confident in my resolve to just back up and focus on myself for a while. So, of course, I meet up with a penpal/close friend of mine and discover that holy shit he and I are actually very compatible in person and actually way attracted to each other because why would it work out any other way?

And we were both burned out, and we both wanted to just take some time to ourselves for a bit. We were both very exhausted by the idea of dating, and we were both very hesitant about pursuing something long distance again (though this would be his first international ldr). But at the same time, neither of us wanted to pass up on something that absolutely had the potential to be something great.

So we spent weeks talking like we were dating, knowing full well we weren't and that we very definitely didn't want to do long distance. I personally was feeling very conflicted at first, because my mind was telling me to slow down, and to take a step back and be single for a while. I didn't want to risk investing time into something that might fry my nerves again. But then I got more comfortable, and the desire to not pass up on something that could be awesome outweighed my concern about moving too quickly, and so when he wanted to make us official, I agreed.

I feel like I made the right choice, and I feel like I'm finally starting to catch up with myself again. He's very involved in the relationship, and since he was also feeling burned out prior to us, we're taking things at a very relaxed pace. Granted, we're getting very attached to each other, but we're not trying to speed up anything. He keeps me on the ground, actually. I'm prone to little bouts of anxiety, usually in regards to the future, and he'll basically tell me to breathe. I don't feel like I need to hold his hand and walk him through young adulthood, and I don't feel like I need to break my back to keep him happy. I don't feel like I'm his mom for a change!

So basically, because I don't have to drive the relationship by myself, I can relax and actually enjoy it. I feel a lot less stressed out about my love life, and I'm feeling very positive again.

Am I still feeling fried? Yes and no. Yes, inasmuch as I will drop the relationship without second thought if it starts to turn into what my last LDR was like, because I don't have the patience for that anymore. No, because, knowing that there is always the risk he could suddenly become very disenchanted with the idea of "us", it isn't deterring me since the reward far outweighs the risk.

I dunno. I'm slowing down and it's very nice.