Medication rant:

A little over a month ago, I started this new medication that was supposed to completely stop my fainting. It's a brand new medication called Northera, and it's meant specifically for people like me who do not respond to any other medication. It's the end of the line as far as medication goes. Getting it required my doctor fill out god knows how many forms, and I get frequent phone calls from a nurse specifically assigned to me from the company to see how I'm doing, if there are any side effects, etc. And for a month, it worked. I stopped fainting, I was going to the gym every day (doing very light cardio, because apparently my body is currently not strong enough to handle anything else), and I was really feeling my independence.

Then yesterday, I fainted. I shouldn't have fainted. I called my cardiologist and left a message, but his nurse is out until tomorrow, so idk when I'm going to hear from him. I also haven't called the company to report a side effect, because I'm not sure if that was necessarily a side effect...ooooor just me being me. Either way, I can't go to the gym now until I know what my doctor says. I've already fainted at the gym once, so I'm not looking to do it again. Fortunately, we have a stationary bike at home that I can use.

I was on this one medication called Midodrine for 6 years, and recently came off it when I started the Northera. My heart likes to stop for a few seconds and then kick itself back into gear. When I was on the Midodrine, this all but completely stopped, so I never really made mention of it since it wasn't a problem. Now that I'm just on the Northera and a few other things, it's picking back up again. I can feel it happen most often when I'm working out. When I feel my heart stopping for a couple seconds, it feels like someone is kinda squeezing something in my chest, but when I feel my heart starting again, it feels like it's giving one big "OOMPF" and punching my ribcage, then it's fine. Either way, I feel like that shouldn't be happening, and I'm wondering if that's what happened yesterday. I really wish my doctor would give me a call so I could ask.

Either way, I'm going to continue to take the medication, and continue to do my medically-necessary 40 minutes on the bike. I just feel like shit now.

Boyfriend talk:

I ended up really hitting it off with that guy I went on a bunch of dates with recently. We acted fairly exclusive before the third date, which was kinda weird and admittedly freaked me out at first (I didn't want either of us to jump the gun), but the more time we spent together in person, the more comfortable we got and the more we decided it was alright. Still a little weird, but alright.

So far, he's an absolute sweetheart. He surprised me with roses on our third date, and I completely missed that they were a thing even though they were on his desk and I had been staring right at them. Currently, they're in my room and they look lovely. My parents think he's a great guy so far, and my dog apparently likes him so much, I'm not even allowed to sit next to him. HE needs to sit next to him and eat his face. Best new friend ever. Throws the ball and everything.

But yeah, he does simple things like send me good morning and good night texts daily, opens the car door for me, pays for dinner when he takes me out, doesn't get grossed out when I threaten to fart on him, etc. We're very open and honest with each other, and generally he seems to be a very gentle, placid person. He knows about my PTSD and my disability, and he's very understanding and very sweet about everything.

Yesterday, I told him about how I fainted and how it made me really upset. He decided to swing by last night to check up on me and make sure I was doing alright. It was definitely out of his way, and it was definitely a very sweet gesture. I didn't ask him to do it, either. I was actually worried about him driving while tired and possibly staying later than he ought to, because he works in the morning. He's fine, of course, but I still worry.

Overall, he seems to possess a lot of the qualities I've been looking for in a partner. I'm looking forward to seeing how this relationship progresses as we come out of the honeymoon phase.