Well, this sucked. It caught my husband and me completely off guard, so we're still trying to process it.

This started two days ago. I woke up with a killer headache, and honestly I don't know if it was related or not. Eventually, I started to experience cramps and spotting, which is apparently pretty common in the first trimester while your uterus gets ready for a developing fetus. I didn't think much of it until the bleeding got a little heavier, so my husband and I decided it would be best to go to the ER and see if we had cause to worry.

When we got there, the ER was absolutely crowded. Apparently, it was an unnaturally busy day, so the entire hospital was full. Like, there were no vacancies anywhere (it's a pretty small hospital). They had people on beds in the hallways, and they had a doctor doing nonstop blood work at the check in desk. It was pretty crazy. They had people who'd been waiting for 8 hours by the time my husband and I showed up, but fortunately, we didn't have to wait quite as long to be seen. We ended up being in the ER for 8 hours in total that night, though.

I had to take a urine test and a blood test, and they also did an ultrasound. On the ultrasound, they could see a gestational sack, but it appeared to be empty. According to my blood test, my pregnancy hormones were alarmingly low for being 6.5 weeks pregnant, but were on target for being maybe 3 weeks, which I knew I wasn't. Pregnancy hormones at 6 weeks should be in the thousands, and mine measured at 207. Urine test just also confirmed I was pregnant. Shocker. Eventually, a doctor came out and told me that it was too early to tell if I was having a miscarriage, and to follow up with my OB as soon as I could. Naturally, if things got worse, I needed to come back to the ER.

Well, things got worse. The bleeding got heavier, and the cramps got stronger. The OB's nurses were giving me the run around (thankfully my husband was able to get me an appointment for this morning). I didn't want to go back to the ER, but I knew I had to. At this point, my family knew what was going on, and my sister was in the process of letting my husband's family know. The ER was empty by the time we got there, which was a very welcome change, and I was checked in and brought to the back almost immediately. They still didn't have much in the way of proper rooms, but we managed fine. I was able to walk, but I was rapidly losing that ability as the cramps got really, REALLY fucking awful. By the time we got to a room thing, I was sobbing hysterically and crying out in pain because it hurt so fucking bad. I was literally laying on the dirty hospital floor, squeezing the hell out of my husband's ankles, because I couldn't stand up to get back into the chair. If that's what labor feels like, then my respect for women who give birth without an epidural has increased by infinity, and I already had lots of respect for them.

The medical staff who saw me were all women, and they were all incredibly sweet and supportive. They all made sure to check on me, even if I wasn't their assigned patient. They gave me words of encouragement, shared personal anecdotes, and just tried to treat me with as much dignity as the situation could possibly allow. I was grateful for it, and I was grateful for the Percocet I was eventually given. They tried to get blood work from me again, but I'm a very difficult stick. The nurse gave two tries and then decided to give me a break, at which point I felt like I needed to use the bathroom. Once I stood up and started walking with the assistance of my husband and a nurse, I felt the weirdest thing, and I had a feeling I knew what happened and announced as much.

The miscarriage itself was very undignified, which one reason I was so glad the women all treated me with as much dignity as possible. I'll spare you the gross details. A nurse came into the bathroom and collected the miscarriage so it could be sent off to a lab for testing. Apparently they don't check to see WHY you miscarried until you've had 3 in a row (because they're super common), but they do check to make sure it was a complete miscarriage.

My husband and I were escorted back to our room, and he and I just sat on the bed and cried. It was all over so fast.

Today, I went to my OB. She was awesome, so idk what the issue was with the staff. Basically, I just need to keep an eye on my bleeding for the next week. If it gets heavier again, then I need to go to the ER. Once the bleeding stops, I'm pretty much good to go to try to get pregnant again if my husband and I decide we're ready for it. We are, and we absolutely want to try again, but we're still feeling pretty overwhelmed by what just happened.

I consider myself very fortunate that it happened so early in the pregnancy, that I had my husband beside me, and I had such an intense outpouring of support from everyone. What happened was awful, but knowing that we're not alone and that it's not the end really makes it a bit better. Also, knowing that my pregnancy hormones were so ridiculously low is also very soothing to me for whatever reason. The fetus simply stopped developing at some point. I guess it gives me closure, even though I'll never find out why it stopped. What matters most is that I'm okay, and my husband and I will keep trying.